negative reaction with applying to s.a.

[Vista123]

We had a slew of first communion parties this weekend. My son who is applying to a service academy had his fist experience of push back when asked his college plan. (this was NOT from close or even extended family-all family members have been supportive). He got a lot of "I don't beleive in war so you shouldn't apply to...." from family friends and neighbors. He just smiled and nodded (he is not a big talker) and just said that he was looking forward to the opportunity and hoped to get in and then wandered off to shoot baskets with the other teenagers. I was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to respond (other than to pour myself a glass of wine). These are VERY kind people and I dont want to get up in their faces, yet I dont want my son to feel bad about his convictions. Can anyone share their experiences and provide tips and suggestions on appropriate ways to respond?

[Christcorp]

U aren't the first to get that kind of pushback. When people hear I'm retired air force or that my son is at the academy, and they give me that kumbaya stuff, I smile. Then i tell them that I don't like war either. But there are those in the world that cherish war. And they'd love to force our people into war and change our way of life. That's why we have a military. To defend our way of life and to help allies when someone tries to harm them.

And don't forget to remind them that if it wasn't for our men and women who volunteer to be in the military and risk their lives, there's a good chance that they wouldnt be celebrating communion. I've been to countries where u aren't allowed to have freedom of religion, speech, or information. Even the internet is censored.

[FlyBoy1993]

If it is what your son wants to pursue, and he believes serving his country is a noble, righteous cause; then it is up to him. Service academies are an incredible educational opportunity, both academically and life-experience wise.

I had this discussion with our DS- "If you are not ready to stand behind the decision of serving your country, if the detractors bother you, then maybe you are not cut out for the military. Nobody but you knows that. You might get laughed at, teased, threatened, or even assaulted; but in the grand scheme of things, is the responsibility of being a Soldier/Airman/Sailor/ Marine what you want? Those obstacles pale in comparison with what you will face as a leader of fighting men and women. They also are little more than a butt pimple when compared to the honor and pride gained from serving.

Be honest with yourself and ask what matters most to you...

As far as how I would have responded, this jarhead( enlisted) would have told the 'friends" that we support our son's decision to pursue military service. If they didn't respect that, then I would probably make some remark questioning their status as a vertebrate being. Then the wine would flow...

[Hurricane12]

When I was a senior in high school many moons (okay, like 4 years) ago, I got a fair amount of confused and sometimes negative responses from a lot of my peers. I went to a fairly good private school, and going into the military was thought to be "beneath" what kids there were supposed to do.
They also just didn't "get" it: most people didn't realize that going to USNA meant going to college (and one that's not too shabby, at that), they thought it meant I was going to Iraq like three months after graduation. Even if I was enlisting and going off to war, their understanding of the military was extremely limited at best. So, whenever possible, I did the good future MIDN thing and calmly explained the whole process and why I thought that going to USNA/being in the military was something worth doing.
I got other, more negative remarks too ("So you want to kill people?"). I pretty much brushed it off because, hey, whatever. And now I have an awesome, decently-paying, wicked cool job after graduation and, judging by my HS classmates' facebook statuses, they don't, so win for me.

I thought my parents--who were definitely NOT thrilled with the whole daughter-going-to-service-academy-thing--handled it great with other parents.* They were questioned multiple times by other parents, including concerned parents of some very close friends, about how they could "let" me go to USNA. Again, a lot of this was out of ignorance.
Their response was generally "She's 18, so it's her choice. Even if we wanted to stop her, we couldn't, so instead we support her decision and can't wait to see her go on and succeed in this next stage of her journey." (Succeed is a relative term)

*They're great. Seriously, if I came home and said I was dropping out of the Academy and wanted to clean toilets for a living, they'd wince, briefly complain, and then grit their teeth and support me 100%.

[NavalOdyssey2016]

I hate how ignorant people are about the military and wanting to "go out and kill people", yes there are a few but the majority do not. I find the best thing to do is smile and go on with your life because it's your choice. General Douglas MacArthur has a FANTASTIC quote that reads, "The soldier, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war."

[scoutpilot]

When people say "I don't believe in war" I always answer with "oh, you mean you don't think it exists?" It's such a simple response but it always puts them on the defensive. Easy and fun!

[SimpleMan]

I've gotten a few disparaging responses over the past year and a half as I went through this process. Everything from

• "Oh well, college isn't for everyone... I'm sure you'll do fine in the Army"
• "But you got into <insert the names of a few top-25 colleges here>. Why would you want to go to West Point?"
• "So you favor warfare?".

To the first one I just nodded sympathetically at the person since they were one of my teachers and clearly and sadly out of touch with reality.

To the second one I played the Forbes magazine West Point #1 ranking card (unseemly, but appropriate to quell a status monger's inquiry). I know they Googled it because they mentioned it next time I saw them and said "Awesome! Good luck!"

To the third one I tried to be polite and extricate from the conversation, but it was an older woman at a church event that I was somewhat trapped at and she basically sought me out again to start the conversation a couple of times, becoming more strident in her tone. I finally said "Actually, ma'am, if anyone is against the existence of war it is the soldier, since they in many cases have the most to lose. It seems to me I can sit here in this town and complain in abstract terms about the state of the world, or I can take concrete steps to help make it better. You know our church places the concept of 'service' in high esteem. Mine is a solid commitment to service. In fact, that's why it is called "The Service". And if helping to build schools and deliver water to villagers ravaged by local thugs is reprehensible to you, then I apologize." She wandered away. Not sure if she felt I was out of line, or impudent, or if she saw that maybe there was something in the gray area between the black and white terms she had framed things in. I see her at church each week and she avoids eye contact, which I find unfortunate, but I'd like to think she felt somewhat ashamed of having taken things to that place.

In general you are not going to change anyone's mind on how they feel about your service if they are locked in on their opinion. But I don't think you should necessarily feel bad about responding in a calm and reasoned manner if they won't let it go. Just my take...

P.S. to:

Originally Posted by NavalOdyssey2016

I General Douglas MacArthur has a FANTASTIC quote that reads, "The soldier, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war."

I wish I had this quote in hand for my third one. MacArthur said it better. :)

[NavyHoops]

Great quote from MacArthur and I agree 100%. I am from a very small liberal town and no one knew what the Naval Academy was. They all thought I had enlisted in the Navy. I, and I think alot of folks, have had similiar confrontations. I think your son dealt with it well for a young 17 year old looking at pursuing the SA path. Trust me, as a former Marine officer who saw it all over in Iraq and Afghanistan, no one wants peace more than those in uniform. And the honest truth, the majority of the missions the military does is peace keeping missions, providing humanitarian aid, and operations other than war. Even in the currents wars, this is what our forces are doing day in and day out. That aspect is often overshadowed.

I remember flying home after my tour in Iraq and a woman started talking to me. She went on to brag about her DS going to a very liberal boarding school not far from where I grew up. She said, "My child will never join the military." I remember sort of laughing and smiliing and then stating, "Well I guess that will be his decision to make down the road. I had my choice of colleges to include the Ivies, but I chose the Naval Academy and I chose to be a Marine. No one forced me, I had options, but I would never change a thing. I hope you take a minute to remember that you and elitist family have these options because of the amazing service members I have the opportunity to lead on a daily basis." She didn't know what to say and just got up and moved. I smiled at her and told her to have a great day. I have to admit it was fun!

[JMS]

Interesting thread... My son is at the start of all this (hopeful for 2017) and has had lots of opportunities to tell people about his academy hopes. So far have not had any negative reactions. We are in a place where all the branches have a pretty big foot print, and that may be part of it, but even with extended family/friends all over the country, all the reactions I am aware of have been positive, or, at worst, something like 'boy that is a tough place to get into.' Even those whom I think of as 'pacifists' seem to understand that there are buffoons in the world that need to be corralled.
In any event, the negative people will be there in any career. Just don't let them rent space in your head.

[AF6872]

Graduating Student in my daughter's class to parent. How come she gets a presentation from a guy in a white suit giving her a scholarship? I got a lot of scholarships and I didn't go up on stage. Most of them just don't understand.