NROTC Schol. Application Essay

Rachelh95

5-Year Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2013
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5
Hello, I am hurrying to complete my essays for the NROTC scholarship application during this winter break and I haven't had very much help from anyone. Could someone read my rough draft and give me some feedback/thoughts/critique? Thanks!

My dream is to become a Naval Nurse Officer so that I can help others and serve my country. Nursing is a career that combines many of my interests and skills and I have wanted to join the military as long as I can remember. Given the opportunity to become a Naval Nurse Officer, I would greatly enjoy working with others to provide care for the sick and wounded, continue my education, and eventually mentor and teach others. I would love to explore the many options and specialties that nursing offers to see where I work best so that I can help make a positive contribution and a difference in others' lives. Preferably, I would like to work in the practice areas of family, education, or research to not only give immediate service and relief but also to make contributions towards future advances in medicine and healthcare. In addition, I would like to provide medical support to deployed troops aboard one of the hospital ships during some point in my career. Being a part of the military means serving in something bigger than yourself and in the near future I definitely see myself becoming a part of the Navy to help protect and serve the American people.
 
Hello, I am hurrying to complete my essays for the NROTC scholarship application during this winter break and I haven't had very much help from anyone. Could someone read my rough draft and give me some feedback/thoughts/critique? Thanks!

My dream is to become a Naval Nurse Officer so that I can help others and serve my country. Nursing is a career that combines many of my interests and skills and I have wanted to join the military as long as I can remember. Given the opportunity to become a Naval Nurse Officer, I would greatly enjoy working with others to provide care for the sick and wounded, continue my education, and eventually mentor and teach others. I would love to explore the many options and specialties that nursing offers to see where I work best so that I can help make a positive contribution and a difference in others' lives. Preferably, I would like to work in the practice areas of family, education, or research to not only give immediate service and relief but also to make contributions towards future advances in medicine and healthcare. In addition, I would like to provide medical support to deployed troops aboard one of the hospital ships during some point in my career. Being a part of the military means serving in something bigger than yourself and in the near future I definitely see myself becoming a part of the Navy to help protect and serve the American people.

I hate critiquing these things and I'm not sure it's a good idea to post yours online. That being said, as long as this comes from the heart I think it's pretty good. It certainly talks to your desires. All I could think to add is what you bring to this.... eg. My interest and excellence in Biology would help.... if any of that stuff applies.
 
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