Girlfriend?

F

Futureofficer96

5-Year Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Messages
5
Hey all,

I'm a future West Point cadet from Virginia (received appointment January 18th) and I'm wondering about having a civilian girlfriend.

First of all, is it ethical for me to hold on to a girlfriend knowing that she will be missing out on opportunities her senior year because of being tied to me?

Second, will I be able to go with her to her prom, homecoming, etc. if I manage to get off on pass? Will I be able to get off on pass?

Third, I would appreciate any general advice or counsel on the topic.

Thank you
 
First, you will likely take a lot of heat from your classmates and the upperclasses for dating someone in HS. You will take a lot of heat from women given your idea of being able to hold onto a girlfriend like she has no input into whether she is willing to stay in a relationship.

Second, you can expect to have 1 pass per semester, and no car. Even if you earned more passes, you still wouldn't have a car. Getting to Virginia in time for a Friday night event (homecoming) after last class/duties during the fall especially with football games is not likely to work in your favor. Further, given your one pass, would you want to use it on a short weekend?

Third, do you really want to take relationship advice from people on an anonymous message board?

Btw, it's called the 2% club for a reason...that's about the percentage that will graduate with the same significant other that they started with. Don't let it discourage you, but realize that you both will change a lot during college, and it is something that you should really discuss with her.
 
Will she actually miss out on senior year activities because you're not there? As long as she has friends, I do not believe that she will.

845 has a great point about dating advice from anonymous message board people, but I won't let that stop me either. Do not break up now (or before R-Day) only because you think you'll eventually break up anyway. On the other hand, do not stay with her only because you want the assurance of having someone back home who you can call your girlfriend. Make the decision independent of your college decision (except in the case where she doesn't support your college decision, but that doesn't sound like an issue here).
 
I don't think you will like my advice , but here goes:

My DS is a senior and is leaving July 1 for USNA. I have told him time and again to not tie himself down with a girlfriend before he leaves because it will be harder to leave in July ..... and harder to stay at an academy, especially if the gf is complaining about not being able to see you. You are young and you should enjoy your youth and all of the exciting opportunities that you have ahead of you . There is time for those kinds of commitments later.
 
+1 mjm

Navy wife here and I can tell you neither of you have a real good idea about life post WP. It is way too easy to get distracted by a relationship and make life altering decisions based on them (read the thread about the AFA 1C who had his GF sleep over get disenrolled just before grad and now has a payback). It's just not worth it. If you are meant to be together then stay in touch but not committed, focus on your future and let it all work out however it will. It's very romantic to want a soldier/sailor at 18-22 then realize your life, your home, your job is as determined by the government as your hubby's is. It takes a very mature and secure woman to be married to the military so wait until you both grow up (not being derogatory here). You will both be happier at 35.
 
Just a quick anecdote from experience, as motivating as it is to be a part of the 2% club, and as easy as it seems to be a centennial member with one's post high-school combination of feelings which include being head-over-heels in love with someone (and that feeling absolutely being reciprocated) and "ready to take on the world" attitude, it most likely won't work and will probably just cause both parties a few months of tear-jerking heartache that could be spared. I'm by no means a relationship counselor or life coach, nor do I exactly know the exact methods by which "how" one goes about transitioning from a high school together-forever pair of lovebirds to long term good friends from the same hometown. But I do know that it is easier to go about that change now than to wait until September of an academic year where ya'll both are staying up till 3 am in tears over the phone, unable to figure out what to do. The result, from both my personal experience of both parties going to military colleges, and from some of my closest friends in the civilian college dimension, isn't what anyone wants, and the fact that you will never be able to be anything close to friends with that person from the resulting heartache for a very long time will be one of your biggest regrets for a while. I don't disagree with having a significant other while at the academy or school; from a peer's perspective a girlfriend/boyfriend is a good conduit away from the menial grind of cadet life. It's healthy to have someone from a different dimension of your life to be so close to. But as for hometown girlfriends/boyfriends....thats a tough one. One of the two parties won't react well to the distance, and no longer having a "real relationship" will take it's toll on someone, and the one who has more tenacity of the heart will have a hard time relating to this discomfort. Sorry for the long winded response, but this thread brought back a few old memories from the beginning of last semester. My advice is to just preserve what you have, and don't push anything beyond what can be done for the sake of romanticism. Good luck on whatever you choose! :thumb:
 
I had one roommate who made it all the way through and married his HS sweetheart. The rest who had significant others when they arrived all moved on. My own DS made it to first semester when he declared that he didn't have time for all this drama, he needed to study, work out, do duties etc.. and ended it.
 
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