OK, here you go:
You will send to your BASIC a form letter (2 copies, one for your basic, one s/he'll send back to you):
Hi Junior,
Mom, Dad, Dog, girl/boy friend, sis, bro, and turtle are fine! Miss you.
Please answer the questions and send one back to me (in the self addressed stamped envelope, which I provide here.)
1. The food here is:
a. Exquisite! Just Love it!
b. Tolerable, but Mom, it's for sure not yours.
c. Wait! That was supposed to be food?
d. __________________ (no expletives, please)
2. My roommate(s) is/are: __________________________________________ from _________________________________.
S/he is a. already my best friend forever
b. set to marry my sibling
c. possibly not human
d. Not a Steelers fan (see also, C above)
3. The person I miss most from home is:
a. My delightful parents
b. My bros at the pool hall
c. the dog
d. my Spiritual Advisor
e. _____________________________________
You get the idea.