Surprisingly Tough Decisions- will attending a service academy ruin my life?

hurry-up-and-wait said:
If someone needs to be talked into going it's probably not a good idea for them to attend. I would hope these thoughts would have been carefully considered months ago. Just my humble opinion.
Click to expand...


You are making the same mistake as I did, late last night.

Re-read the Post.

She wants to GO; her parents are trying to dissuade her from attending!
 
murfthesurf said:
You are making the same mistake as I did, late last night.

Re-read the Post.

She wants to GO; her parents are trying to dissuade her from attending!
Click to expand...

Agree with Murf.
Being a child of immigrants myself, I know what it is like to be emotionally nagged your whole life to be a certain way and adhere to old world cultures and norms.
So this young person not only is bucking 18 years of indoctrination, but is probably breaking gender roles with her family as well.

Hey it is tough enough for kids who have 100% of parental support to get appointed or earn a ROTC scholarship!

It is therefore natural for her to second guess herself after being conflicted over her new path versus the tradition that has been pushed down onto her 24/7 for her whole life.

She wants to serve her country but also not dishonor her parents.
She has turned to this forum for support from peers and peer parents. Let's keep that perspective.
 
Although dissenting opinions are always allowed, I Agree a 100% above about supporting this kid. Having seen kids attend USNA after being disowned, the level of guts it took to stick to their decision and do it on their own was amazing. Thank goodness USNA is the type of place where friends become family and your friend's families and sponsors adopt you. It's what makes the institution amazing. OP, follow your head and heart. You know what is right for you.
 
MittenMan said:
You are about to enter a 2 lane swim race. Both lanes take you to the very, very, very far end; when you touch the wall the race is over. Congratulations - you have achieved 'retirement'.

One lane is 'safe'; the one your parents want you to take. Safe. Happy. Rewarding (as much as you put into it). Like everyone else. You'll be successful; if you were driven to get this far what will hold you back besides doubt? I'll guess you will finish college, get a job (pay taxes - (helps support our military)) maybe have a family, buy a house, maybe even be blessed with grand kids, etc. You can swim that lane and be successful all the way to the end. No one one will know any different how you swam the race - only that you finished. The life experiences you have will be like many people have and have repeated many times over. Nothing wrong with that....

Or, you dive in the other lane. As soon as you touch the water, you will start the grandest journey you will ever take in your entire life. Not safe. Danger! Unbelievable experiences. Far away places. Friendships that last a lifetime. Pain. Tears. Excitement. I can't believe I'm doing this (and getting paid too). Honor. Pride. Achievement. Success. I could go on and on, but I bet you get the point.

One way or the other you will start swimming. Look forward to your decision.
Click to expand...
Don't mean to disappoint you but there are no safe lanes in this world anymore.
 
Ha around our house we call "the dog caught the car syndrome" our ds got appointment's to USMA and USNA. He was proud and excited for a bit, then ....spiraled into such a funk, afraid of failure, scared to leave home. He started letting his hair grow out for the first time in his life, stopped working out, mopped around the house. We dragged him to his going away party held by the State parents, and it was embarrassing, he was so disheveled and unenthusiastic.

About 2 weeks before time for departure, I really started to worry. Finally I went into the living room where he was laying on couch, said "enough of this, go get ready we are getting you a hair cut, and buying you some running shoes, you know you are going, why are you acting like not going is an option.?"

Off we went, he came out of the Barbers with a buzz, "I should have done that a month ago! Lets go get me some shoes." We had a great day together "Prepping" Suddenly he was back in the saddle again, and never looked back. Plebe summer was handled with no fuss no questions.

Not saying this is your situation......but there may be more here than you even realize.....You were very excited about the whole concept.......until it became a reality.
 
“The Opportunity”
The opportunity before me
like a mountain I could climb,
but it somehow seemed so frightening
like that mountain wasn't mine.

So I quietly withdrew my gear
I backed away you see.
I really did convince myself
it wasn't right for me.

I told myself that it could wait
I'd find a better way.
To change myself I'd have to leave
But right here is where I'd stay.

Since that time I've wandered
through the valleys I could find,
looking for that easy route
those ties that would not bind

I guess I always thought I'd find
that hill just right for me.
Instead I've spent my prime, my life,
locked in mediocrity.

Yes, I'm getting by now, successful some might say,
but, I must admit I often think, where would I be today...?
If I had just dug in that day,
If I had not walked away!
 
Having second thoughts is normal. Especially, as LDH mentioned with the "dog-caught-the-car" situation. Just because OP is questioning it does NOT mean she is not just as motivated as any other candidate. Fortunately, "gung-ho" is not a requirement for a military academy.

Actually, making a serious life-changing decision without questioning it is just...foolish. That said, @USNA2020 has your BGO talked to your parents? Make sure you do everything in your power to convince them. I say take the appointment.
 
OP, did you get to discuss this with your parents today? How did it go?

Out of curiosity, are you the only child in the family?
 
I'm trying to understand your parents. We're they supportive at one point? I'm guessing they had to spend money for you to attend NASS and SLE. Surely, they realized those were recruitment tools for Service Academies. I'm wondering if someone put doubts and questions in their minds since then. I just don't understand that they supported your participating in the summer programs, but don't want you to actually attend an Academy.
 
USNA2020, you answered your own questions in your post. This is something you want, you have worked for it, you deserve it and you cannot imagine yourself anywhere else. You really have only one decision to make, do you live the life you dream of, or do put your life aside for the desires of your parents. I agree with Murfthesurf, "it would be an absolute travesty for you to pass up this opportunity". You must do what is right for you. You are about to begin the journey of the rest of your life, and you certainly cannot and should not live your life for your parents. Accept your appointment.

Accept your appointment and give your parents time to let it sink in before you have to leave. It will also give them more time to process your decision and instead of trying to persuade you not to, they will have to start accepting your right to choose your own destiny and your discussions will be steered in that direction. Make the decision you KNOW is best for you.

Good luck and please let us know what you decide.

BTW, please disregard the negative posts on here about you keeping someone else from getting an appointment. It is yours, you earned it and YOU get to decide.
 
I can relate to this. My parents grew up in a society in which girls are expected to take care of the children at home, knit, do the laundry, etc. Now you could probably imagine what they would say if I told them I wanted to enlist in the Army. While this may sound cliché, I believe everyone has a calling in life. It is up to you to discover what that calling is, and when you discover it, pursue it with all your heart and don't let anyone dissuade you from doing so. I say, explain to your parents how much this means to you, and take the appointment.

Best of luck!
 
I’ll address your comments and your family’s concerns:

1) USNA simply isn't worth it. While the option offers a free, top-notch education, the program seems to focus more on training than learning. You would have more free time at a civilian college to study and focus on learning.​

USNA will give you plenty of Learning and Training. Small class sizes and access to instructors is unparalleled. Free time at a civilian college is not a good thing. Folks drop out to start work or to be a ski bum (me). If you do spend the time studying and learning, college is P for passing. The diploma doesn’t have a grade on it. These days in tech jobs, the diploma may only you an interview, because master’s degrees are nearly mandatory.

2) You are practically signing away the next 9 years of your freedom. (Yes, and it's going to be awesome.) If you choose to rejoin the private sector, the 5-year service requirement will put you far behind. Regular college graduates will have 5 years of more relevant experience in the work force already that you will never be able to have, being that you will already be 27 when you get out. ​

You they are correct. You must service and put in your time. This will be a full time job with pay. Your peers merely hope to get a job in their study field upon graduating. Most folks don’t end up working in their study field. You will never be behind your peers. You may be able to work in a masters before your service ends. With no college debit, you will have more options. Job hopping will saddle your peers. You will have worked and promoted, increase responsibilities and supervised workers and projects. Your peers will probably not have moved into management positions as quickly as you with naval officer pedigree.

Bottom line: Remind your parents that they raised a fine child who is at the dawn of adulthood. They did such a great job raising you that you have set yourself up for a rare chance and honor of attending a Service Academy. Tell them they worked hard to be sure you have the knowledge, drive, ambition, and motivation to achieve your dreams. Thank them for their hard work and show them they are getting the things they want and what you want at the United States Naval Academy and in naval service. The best thing you can have in life are options. With options, you can make choices. Congratulations on having these exclusive options.
 
USNA2020 said:
Ever since middle school, joining the military and going to USNA has been a seemingly unreachable goal that kept floating in the back of my mind. After attending NASS and SLE, I had no doubt that I wanted to go to a service academy and continue on to serve my country. So why, now that I have the appointment to USNA in my hand and less than a month to commit, am I suddenly questioning everything I have believed in the last 5 years of my life? (long story short, my parents.)

The dream of attending a service academy was entirely my own. Applying for seminars, training, applying for service academies, congressional nominations, etc. I had no intentions of even considering civilian college, and even now, I can't imagine myself in a place other than USNA. I was ready to accept my offer of my appointment when I received it almost 2 months ago, and I still am ready to accept it in a heartbeat. But my parents are desperately trying to make me reconsider. I know they want whats best for me, but I just can't seem to see eye to eye with them, especially because USNA is pretty much all I've ever wanted.

Here are their arguments (with some of my counterarguments in parentheses): USNA simply isn't worth it. While the option offers a free, top-notch education, the program seems to focus more on training than learning. You would have more free time at a civilian college to study and focus on learning. (The structured, rigorous daily lifestyle is one I thrive under. If you think I'd be more motivated at a civilian college, you're crazy.) You are practically signing away the next 9 years of your freedom. (Yes, and it's going to be awesome.) If you choose to rejoin the private sector, the 5 year service requirement will put you far behind. Regular college graduates will have 5 years of more relevant experience in the work force already that you will never be able to have, being that you will already be 27 when you get out. (Yes because I'll have had 5 years of experience as a Naval Officer, holding more leadership responsibilities than I would ever have in 5 years of working as a fresh college graduate.)

Honestly the debate never ends. They think I could be more successful at a civilian college with more freedom, individual thought, and room to grow. They think that I'm "too smart" to go to the academy. I think the academy is where I have the potential to truly find myself and become the best version of myself possible. To me, success is not about scoring an internship or job in a Fortune 500 company; it's about doing something that matters and that will impact many more lives other than my own. Of course, I could turn down the appointment, go to civilian college, then try the ROTC or OCS route in hopes of becoming an officer. But at that rate, why not just go to USNA now since I also value the academy experience itself.

I'm sure my parents respect the military just as much as I do, but they want to make me aware of its potential flaws. And while googling "will attending a service academy ruin my life" as a joke to myself, I actually happened upon this article http://www.johntreed.net/gotousma.html by a West Point grad, illustrating some of the points my parents made actually spot on. (The article is 100+ pages long, so I just read part of it, but long story short he's telling people to not go to USMA.) And it's scary to think that someone who was just as eager to attend a service academy as I am, now regrets the decision fully. Maybe the service academy was not the right decision for John T. Reed, but who's to say that it's not the right decision for me? I know that if I attend civilian college, I will most likely live a life of what if's and regret. On the other hand, at 17, am I really equipped to make the decision that will alter the rest of my life and determine the next 9 years of it? Having no family history in the military, this is where I'm really hoping to get the opinions of forum members, especially those who have gone through the academy and their experience in the service. What do these next 9 years really mean? Have I really been too optimistic about going through a service academy? Will attending a service academy ruin my life?

Sorry for the unnecessarily long post, and thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.
Click to expand...

I'm so happy to see so many positive post! I've read every single one. You obviously have what it takes and your parents have done an amazing job. Now go out and conquer the world! You've got this!
 
In the words of poet laureate and urban oracle O'Shea Jackson, "**** tha police."

It's your life, live it for you. No one ever got to their deathbed and said "those two people who birthed me weren't scared by my choices, so what a successful life I've lived!"

It probably sounds like an oversimplification, but it isn't. None of your arguments will change their minds. None of your desires will change theirs. None of their reasons will change your desires. The service provides a life of freedom, opportunity, and joy for five years or thirty five years.

Those years are yours, and no one else's. Not even mom and dad's.
 
Last edited:
USNA2020 -- Curious if you have made a decision? Please do update. Wishing you the best and hoping you decided to follow your dream.
 
USNA2020 - It sounds as if you need to pursue your dream of attending USNA, if it has been your dream all this time. If you don't, you will always wonder what you've missed - it will be hard to forgive yourself for not being true to yourself and taking that first step and accepting.
At some point, after exhausting all discussion with them, you may just need to say "Mom and Dad, I have carefully considered all of your concerns, and I appreciate them. This is my decision. Please respect it and please support me." Hopefully they will.
You may also want to consider reaching out to other family/friends for the support that you deserve and need.

Good luck to you!
 
Here's the bottom line: It's your life.

You have to want to be there, live there...NOT your parents. But, with any collegiate experience you need to temper what you hear from the admissions office and read from the pages of its shiny brochures.

One distinct advantage of attending any Academy is that you won't have to deal with today's typical college campus laden with whiny Millennials who are easily offended and busy finding safe spaces to keep their feelings unhurt. You will attend USNA with likeminded, competitive students who are more interested in being the best they can possibly be versus those who spend all their time lobbying the university to remove chicken tenders from the lunch menu because they are offended by the words "chicken tenders".

One thing to temper is the optimism of "holding more leadership responsibilities than I would ever have in 5 years of working as a fresh college graduate". Understand this "leadership" experience might include overseeing the painting of a barracks, counting foodstuffs, and other mundane bureaucratic tasks which aren't necessarily applicable or an advantage post graduation. Post graduation employment is important. Yes, you will automatically have a "job" upon graduation as a staff officer (versus a line officer, more than likely) which amounts to a largely boring bureaucratic management job pushing a lot of paperwork around.

The only downside (and this isn't necessarily a downside) with the Academy is that you will be exiting at or around the age of 27-28 post commitment. Unless you've majored in something highly technical or specialized (chemical engineering) or something in high-demand (computer science, for example) I would argue that you are at a distinct disadvantage against someone who's been working in your chosen field all along.

I have two sons one who attended USNA and another who went to USMMA; both made the right decision for them. You need to make the decision that is right for YOU.
 
Ship master Pete------ "
shipmasterpete said:
Yes, you will automatically have a "job" upon graduation as a staff officer (versus a line officer, more than likely) which amounts to a largely boring bureaucratic management job pushing a lot of paperwork around.
Click to expand...

Why do you say this? I understand that a Ensigns don't "run things" and believe me I understand DoD paper work. My kid isn't expecting 24hr a day adventure, but you are telling me that the Navy invests in these Mids in order to provide itself with mid level document clerks?

Please expand on this.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top