Personal Statement Help

Is there anyone on the forum that has "Been There, Done That" that would be able to look over my Personal statement for the Naval Academy? I'd like someone to take a closer look and make sure i'm not totally off the mark. I would prefer not to release my entire essay on the thread so either send me a PM or reply on this thread if you'd be willing to help, It would be very much appreciated.

You can send it to me and I'd be willing to read it and give some maybe applicable advice

Thank you very much, I will PM you once I get the requisite PM amount.

I'm not part of any USNA evaluation or approval process, but I do work with a grad school admissions board and I've been through a bunch of these things. I have trouble spelling my own name and rely on MS Word for proper punctuation. That said, I am a pretty good content guy.

On the other hand, my kid is talented with this stuff: Maxed out SAT and ACT in English and is always reviewing 1st-2nd Drafts for other students in the Cambridge Baccalaureate Program. She's just been through the USNA process, and ought to have good input to offer. IMO, helping a motivated applicant this way is the highest use a board like this can be put to. If you want to send your daft to me I will pester my DD until she reviews it for you. Your call.

Make sure you also look for review of your statement from a person/s who know you and can offer input face-to-face. Using this board to get input is really smart on your part, but people here don't know you and can't read your reaction to their inputs. Review by someone who knows you, and can talk though your PS with you face to face is a necessary part of developing a "tight" statement that speaks in your voice.

Good luck with the USCGA! I really liked the place and the cadets, so did my daughter.

Out of all the Service creeds I've read, the USCG has my favorite line:
"I shall sell life dearly to an enemy of my country, but give it freely to rescue those in peril.
With God’s help, I shall endeavor to be one of His noblest Works..." (Defines them pretty well---- ??not a bad place to start a PS ??)



My Dog proofed this post

PMs sent. Also, I should clarify, I am applying to the Naval Academy and Air Force Academy, I applied to the Coast Guard Academy this previous year and was not accepted, and decided another branch was in my best interest after some thought.

WOW! where did I get USCGA out of your post? Brain Fark. I asked my daughter today about reviewing your draft, she's happy to do it. I've got your stuff; we will jump on it.

I'm totally in disagreement of having others, from this forum, review personal statements. Honestly, as long as you answer the question and do not have (many) spelling or grammar mistakes, then you should be fine. Parents and school teachers can help you make sure that your content is spelled correctly, free of grammatical errors, flows properly, and answers the question. Responses to the personal statement are suppose to be unique...that means your thoughts should not be influenced by others. This is why your parents and teachers are sufficient.

usnabgo08 said:

I'm totally in disagreement of having others, from this forum, review personal statements. Honestly, as long as you answer the question and do not have (many) spelling or grammar mistakes, then you should be fine. Parents and school teachers can help you make sure that your content is spelled correctly, free of grammatical errors, flows properly, and answers the question. Responses to the personal statement are suppose to be unique...that means your thoughts should not be influenced by others. This is why your parents and teachers are sufficient.

Click to expand...

Without delving too far into specifics, I live some distance away from my parents on my own and am in college equally as far removed from high school where teachers are much more available for that type of feedback. If this post is overstepping my bounds feel free to PM me and we can discuss further. I am not looking for others to write my statement for me or anything of that nature, I am just looking to have a few people look at it and serve the role that my parents or a teacher would due to those two options not being an option. If others feel this post is inappropriate as well feel free to message me.

Your post is definitely not inappropriate. I am just suggesting that parents/teachers is all that are needed for reviewing personal statements.
I am not sure of your exact family situation (please do not share it with this forum, if it is not something you are comfortable with), but I am sure there are college professors who can review your statement and, if possible, you could email the statement to your parents (depending on the situation). The point of the personal statement is to convey YOUR thoughts...so it needs to be YOUR work/ideas...not someone else's.

I like what USNABGO said. My son answered his questions by talking about what spoke to him about joining the Academy or Navy service in the first place. And went on to talk about leadership. But it was in his words. I didn't want to see it to correct it because why would someone else know of his experience or thoughts?
It was the very last thing done, he did it and hit the Submit.