A little Farmer/Marine humor that deserves to be shared

NORTH DAKOTA FARM KID in the Marines (PARRIS ISLAND MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING).

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

As a 5th generation farm kid I think I know Alice. She was in my brother's class at school.

New@This said:

As a 5th generation farm kid I think I know Alice. She was in my brother's class at school.

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Bet she could whip your brother's butt!

Blindsided by that punchline. Wondering why she didn't mention the indoor plumbing,

@EDelahanty Yeah, I appreciated the joke but when I got to who wrote it I laughed out loud with delight. Have a happy Easter!

Oh yeah. I think the lack of running water is a thing of the past. As my "grew up on a farm" wife keeps reminding me, she got running water when she was 10.

Dear Wife remembers when they got running water every time the river flooded. Just a joke but it did flood a lot. Sheep bounce like corks as they float away.

Hah! Good one @USMCGrunt .

My dentist is actually a Navy guy stationed at Lejeune. On his days off he works in a private practice - so I get to have him as my dentist. When talking to him about DS's dental care in Okinawa he said he thinks a lot of Marines get their hair cut more often than they brush their teeth!

AF Lt. jumps ahead of a female AF Captain and opens and holds the door. Captain reams him out for not saluting. I found a side door for Headquarters. Looking back I should have thanked the Lt. for opening the door and gone in but Sgts don't get involved in Officer fights. Side door was a better choice and did not require a salute just remove your cover.

AF6872 said:

AF Lt. jumps ahead of a female AF Captain and opens and holds the door. Captain reams him out for not saluting. I found a side door for Headquarters. Looking back I should have thanked the Lt. for opening the door and gone in but Sgts don't get involved in Officer fights. Side door was a better choice and did not require a salute just remove your cover.

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I had something similar happen as a cadet--got yelled at for not saluting a Capt while holding a gate open for him. In retrospect, if I had known his reaction, I might have saluted and let the gate slam in his face...

DD greeted a Marine Major as a Gunny at Plebe USNA. Just think what that cost her.

AF6872 said:

DD greeted a Marine Major as a Gunny at Plebe USNA. Just think what that cost her.

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I saluted a Navy Master Chief at OCS. Ribbons stacked to his shoulder, gold slanted stripes covering his sleeves, huge guy (a SEAL bosun). Got the time-honored “Don’t salute me, I’m not an officer, I work for a living.” [emoji16]

My favorite Air Force story is Nav Training at Mather AFB. A handful of Ensigns (including me) were walking out of the Trainer building after a trainer session, and an Air Force major tried to stop us from leaving through the main door, telling us the General was coming...we all looked at him kinda puzzled...told him we'd salute the General if we saw him, and kept walking. The major didn't know what to say....

@Old Navy BGO - I wonder what the heck that was all about! Pretty funny.

It was a January afternoon in DC, we were driving a Medal of Honor Recipient to a MOH Reception at Bowling AFB, we were running late. When we arrived we headed straight for the reception at a brisk pace, got to the stairs leading to the entrance. There were a couple Navy moving slow and chatting on the stairs, both were female, one we could see was an Ensign, the other we couldn't tell. As we approached I, in my infinite wisdom yelled out, "Either step on the gas or move aside", they both turned around. One was indeed an Ensign, the other was an Admiral. Now you have to remember that this was 1977 and I believe there was only one female Admiral at that time and it was just our luck that I told her to move aside. Of course we just froze, the Admiral gave us a smile, the kind a Lion gives just before eating the Gazelle. She looked at us, then noticed the blue ribbon holding the medal around the neck of the gentleman we were escorting, she stood at attention and gave a salute, introduced herself and then said we should get going so we wouldn't be late. As we walked past she quietly said she would give us a pass this one time, A true class act. I believe she was in command of Navy Nurses.

Needles to say I became much more observant after that, although it was worth the rush, we got to hang out with Pappy Boyington, that's a story in itself.

Old Navy BGO said:

My favorite Air Force story is Nav Training at Mather AFB. A handful of Ensigns (including me) were walking out of the Trainer building after a trainer session, and an Air Force major tried to stop us from leaving through the main door, telling us the General was coming...we all looked at him kinda puzzled...told him we'd salute the General if we saw him, and kept walking. The major didn't know what to say....

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That’s just so Navy. Hard to explain that “we’ll deal with it when we need to” culture.

Sgts run the military twenty four hours a day. Officers stop in to check once in a while.

MOH recipient gets a salute from any rank up to and including POTUS. Custom Does not require but it is normal' I would stand tall and render salute if I saw that Blue Ribbon.