We live in San Francisco, where any brush with city government is going to be mind expanding. Guaranteed. I called to find out which office would complete our child's 5-521 form - voice mail. Web site unresponsive. Chat line unresponsive. Nonemergency line operator - said go to your local police district office. They sent me downtown. (Child had to leave to go to school. Oh that.) At the downtown police/courts/records center I met some lovely folks just released from county who offered to help after their arraignments... Got redirected to four different offices, then had it explained to me that since my child has no criminal record "You can't prove a negative." Then it was a liability issue (If we certify she has a clean record then she goes on a crime spree, we might be liable.) Then it was that she is under 18 and therefor would only have records at Juvenile Hall. Pulled my car out of parking and drove back across town to juvie. Some very nice people led me to three different offices that couldn't help, but they invited me to their potluck. Long lines of people were at juvie trying to seal the records of their kids so they could go off to college. No one had my problem of having a kid who doesn't have a record. Then I was admitted to the head office, to the j-court admin, and he explained that he hates the military, that the feds are chipping away at juvenile privacy rights, and explained that the form was a plot to get juveniles to pierce the veil of their protected information. He decided that he wouldn't complete the form until I produced my child and she could confirm that she consents to renouncing her privacy protections. I drove across town to pick up child from school, brought child to juvie ("Wow, so this is juvie?"), tracked down the chief administrator, and told my child to please shake his hand and thank him for the work he does protecting the rights of children. He saw that he would either have to write a letter or stamp and sign the form, and kept fussing that he just does not like the military or what the federal government is doing to the rights of minors. Child shook his hand and said, "I know what you mean, but I want to serve so that this democracy you're protecting is still here. It takes all of us." He sighed, unlocked his drawer, pulled out his stamps, signed it, made us photocopies, and said "Now don't you let them turn you into a robot!" It's not the tickertape parade some kids get. But I love my city.