Parents...

In the 90s my little brother was accepted to the AFRTOC with a lot of help from our dad. He went through AFROTC and was having a hard time with some classes his sophomore year. While I was home visiting from my college, I wrote two of his English papers to help him out (not saying that's ethical). He later was given a bonus to serve in the army. He was deployed to Iraq twice, served in Korea and Guam and just retired as a Lt. Colonel without anyone holding his hand. He now has an amazing career working for the army/federal government.
I think sometimes, especially when young the family support is needed to help push us over some hurdles. I work at a school that is 87% economically disadvantaged and I see every day how hard it is for the kids that don't have family support helping give them the extra push and coaching them alone. I have a number of students that I have in the past and currently given a lot of coaching and pushing and at times micromanaged.
My own child came to me on her own saying she wanted to graduate a year early, gave me a paper from the school to sign to agree to it. Since she was taking a full load of class and an online class, working, playing sports and involved in so many clubs in blows my mind..I helped push her with deadlines for her AROTC application. I checked these sites to see how she could gain the most points, I don't see how she would've had time to read through all of this stuff. I've woken up at 1:00 am to see her sitting on her bed on her laptop doing work after getting home from work. There are only so many hours in the day to be reading on these things.
I also want to add, that I was convinced after reading on these sites, that there is no way she would get the scholarship with an ACT score of 21. She is 20/540 in her class, varsity tennis fall and spring (#1 or 2 spot since freshman yr) NHS, NHS Art, HOSA, student council officer, 8:05 mile, 55 pushups. 45 sit ups (apparently she had bad form and got docked) school mascot, certified this year as a phlebotomist and grading one year early after taking a full load of classes this summer and an extra online class this year. Oh yes, she has also been working 15 hours a week for the last year. She has always done really well on high school state tests so I was surprised she struggled so much with the ACT. I don't know if the fact she is only 16 they gave her some leeway with that score. Her interview went really well and she put a lot of work into her essay and had at least 5 eyes on it before she submitted.
 
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In the 90s my little brother was accepted to the AFRTOC with a lot of help from our dad. He went through AFROTC and was having a hard time with some classes his sophomore year. While I was home visiting from my college, I wrote two of his English papers to help him out (not saying that's ethical). He later was given a bonus to serve in the army. He was deployed to Iraq twice, served in Korea and Guam and just retired as a Lt. Colonel without anyone holding his hand. He now has an amazing career working for the army/federal government.
I think sometimes, especially when young the family support is needed to help push us over some hurdles. I work at a school that is 87% economically disadvantaged and I see every day how hard it is for the kids that don't have family support helping give them the extra push and coaching them alone. I have a number of students that I have in the past and currently given a lot of coaching and pushing and at times micromanaged.
My own child came to me on her own saying she wanted to graduate a year early, gave me a paper from the school to sign to agree to it. Since she was taking a full load of class and an online class, working, playing sports and involved in so many clubs in blows my mind..I helped push her with deadlines for her AROTC application. I checked these sites to see how she could gain the most points, I don't see how she would've had time to read through all of this stuff. I've woken up at 1:00 am to see her sitting on her bed on her laptop doing work after getting home from work. There are only so many hours in the day to be reading on these things.
I also want to add, that I was convinced after reading on these sites, that there is no way she would get the scholarship with an ACT score of 21. She is 20/540 in her class, varsity tennis fall and spring (#1 or 2 spot since freshman yr) NHS, NHS Art, HOSA, student council officer, 8:05 mile, 55 pushups. 45 sit ups (apparently she had bad form and got docked) school mascot, certified this year as a phlebotomist and grading one year early after taking a full load of classes this summer and an extra online class this year. Oh yes, she has also been working 15 hours a week for the last year. She has always done really well on high school state tests so I was surprised she struggled so much with the ACT. I don't know if the fact she is only 16 they gave her some leeway with that score. Her interview went really well and she put a lot of work into her essay and had at least 5 eyes on it before she submitted.

DD sounds amazing! Good job mamma :angel:
 
As a son who just received an appointment, I completely despise the helicopter parenting that I have witnessed on this website and in person. It is alright to be excited for your child's future, it is fine for you to counsel your child on important life decisions but if you find yourself attending every academy day, every single banquet, track meet, etc. you probably need to take a step back. I know that your children are your legacy and you want to celebrate their accomplishments and be there for them, but you have to realize that taking a step back and letting your child make their own decisions, good or bad, is the best way of parenting a teenager. Place a "governor" on their mistakes, expect them to f*** up, but don't let it get out of control. My parents set an expectation, my father lectures me when I am disrespectful, provides me advice when I ask for it, but he has never once asked me about registering for the ACT, or whether i have homework, or if i have finished my college apps. My parents have never attended a sporting event and they have never attended an academy day (they are frequent in my area). My parents will not even be with me at R-day (I don't even want them there, they might come for A-day or PPW). My dad didn't even seem to care about my appointment. He only cared about whether it was something I wanted to do. My parents have always believed in me, so they never worried about my future. They knew that I alone could define my path. No one else.
TO ALL CANDIDATES: do not let your parents apply to an academy or college for you, do yourself. Let your life be yours, not theirs.
TO ALL PARENTS: Place trust in your child, help them, but do not lead them on THEIR journey.

I am not upset about my parents' lack of involvement, because they have been with me, emotionally. I even praise their parenting style! People call it child rearing for a reason. It's because you are behind them and they are in front. PERIODT
 
As a son who just received an appointment, I completely despise the helicopter parenting that I have witnessed on this website and in person. It is alright to be excited for your child's future, it is fine for you to counsel your child on important life decisions but if you find yourself attending every academy day, every single banquet, track meet, etc. you probably need to take a step back. I know that your children are your legacy and you want to celebrate their accomplishments and be there for them, but you have to realize that taking a step back and letting your child make their own decisions, good or bad, is the best way of parenting a teenager. Place a "governor" on their mistakes, expect them to f*** up, but don't let it get out of control. My parents set an expectation, my father lectures me when I am disrespectful, provides me advice when I ask for it, but he has never once asked me about registering for the ACT, or whether i have homework, or if i have finished my college apps. My parents have never attended a sporting event and they have never attended an academy day (they are frequent in my area). My parents will not even be with me at R-day (I don't even want them there, they might come for A-day or PPW). My dad didn't even seem to care about my appointment. He only cared about whether it was something I wanted to do. My parents have always believed in me, so they never worried about my future. They knew that I alone could define my path. No one else.
TO ALL CANDIDATES: do not let your parents apply to an academy or college for you, do yourself. Let your life be yours, not theirs.
TO ALL PARENTS: Place trust in your child, help them, but do not lead them on THEIR journey.
II am not upset about my parents' lack of involvement, because they have been with me, emotionally. I even praise their parenting style! People call it child rearing for a reason. It's because you are behind them and they are in front. PERIOD.
You sounds like a very independent person, which is wonderful quality to have - especially at this time in life! I can relate because I was like you as a high school student. Obviously your parents understood your needs and responded accordingly. It really is a beautiful thing when that happens! I would argue that many young people need more support as they learn to navigate "process." Managing process definitely seems to be a gifting of yours at this young age. Other bright young people need time and space to develop that skill, and wise parents will help support and watch for gaps - especially during the times when the cost is high. As our young grow, ideally our parenting turns into mentoring as they build their confidence and find their footing. We've all seen examples when the pendulum swings a bit too far in each direction, but I would hesitate to judge whether one style of parenting is best over another for each student. Thank you sharing your viewpoint...especially since you have enjoyed success. Sounds like you are on your way!
 
Well now I feel like a complete idiot that I used to attend my son’s sporting events and dropped them both off at college. I guess I was doing it all wrong, though I guess I am a helicopter parent...since they both flew helicopters in the Army. I hope I haven’t damaged them for life.
 
I raised my kids to be independent but I went to all their sporting events, dance recitals, performances, and any other event they were involved in. If they had to solve a problem (big or little), make a doctor's appointment, get their car repaired, or any other "adult" task, I made them do it on their own, giving advice when asked. It paid off. My daughter told me that she has to help her friends whose parents did all that for them and thus don't know how to do it on their own. My daughter feels confident that she can handle most things on her own. She also told me how much she appreciated me always being there to support her when needed.

For applications to colleges and scholarship programs, she was responsible for her own deadlines and essays, etc., but when requested I did suggest edits and additions for her to consider. I've only been to one interview with her, and that was an informal informational interview with the CO of a NROTC unit, and only at the request of the CO. I purposely let my daughter talk on her own, without interjecting. I only spoke once, to answer a direct question posed to me by the CO. At the conclusion of the interview, the CO exclaimed his surprise that my daughter was so well-spoken, and stated that it was the first such interview he had done where the parent was not answering for the prospective candidate.
 
I not only attended every event when possible but coached both kids in youth sports and was assistant baseball coach on my son's high school team. I even went to his commissioning and TBS graduation. I went to SoCal last summer and helped him move to 29 Palms. Geez, I suck.
 
not only will I continue to attend as many of my childrens’ events as possible, I plan to do the same when I have grandchildren. That is not helicopter parenting, it’s showing love and support for my kids and being there to share special moments. I’m not getting on the field or the stage with them. I am the parent who shows up for everything and my kids appreciate the support, and have mentioned it in Captain speeches at senior banquets. Being independent doesn’t mean being alone.
 
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I pictured empty stands at youth sports events, school concerts, etc. Who attends if not family?

The litmus test for me is does Action X hinder or preclude or delay a child from learning Adult Skill Y? That includes learning how to fail, recover from mistakes and experience secondary and tertiary consequences.
 
From one of my previous posts: thought it would be helpful here..just one veteran parent's opinion:

I flew helicopters in flight school, so I'm a "helicopter" dad. I'm also involved in my kids' education and decision-making, because I have 29 years of service. Being closely involved in their lives has given me good insight into their passion and desire to serve. In this competitive environment, being "hands off" is ill-advised. One definition of a leader is helping others to achieve, including your DD or DS. So as far as helicopter parents go, we should not be hovering right over our kids, but they should definitely feel our rotor wash ;)
I could not agree more. Too many parents take the "let Johnny and Suzie do want they want to do" way too early in their kid's lives and they are never truly engaged with the passion of their children. They are also often the ones who hire the nanny to take care of the kids and immerse their children in technological pacifiers like iphones and ipads at an early age. Years later, they wonder what the heck happened to their kids, lol. I find that each kid, while different, needs to be challenged on why they like or dislike something and why or why not they chose to do something or procrastinate. I have my second kid aiming for the service academies or ROTC (my first attends the USCGA) and I have been there with him to assist when he asks for help or to gently nudge him when he needs it. Of course, I was the parent who had the kids mowing the lawn, doing gardening, cleaning the chicken coop, and cooking and doing laundry by age 8. There are some on the board who get very angry and defensive when you suggest you help your kid with the process (including a specific moderator), but kids need to nudge and will be grateful later in life that you were there for them. Kids these days (yes, I said that) have an abundance of knowledge with the internet at their fingertips, but they lack the context and wisdom to process it all and that is where parenting comes in.
 
My two started youth sports in Florida where parental involvement was over the top both good and not so good.

We transferred to Camp Lejeune and lived on base. The timing worked out so between deployments and time in the field I was able to coach my daughter in softball and basketball and my son in baseball and football.

Transferred to BUMED and lived in base housing at Ft. Belvoir. I picked up where I left off except better because I was on shore duty and for the most part controlled when I traveled. Here's something I noticed in Northern Virginia. The demographics have drastically changed since my kids graduated but their classmates were children of members of congress, diplomats, cabinet secretaries, and captains of industry. They could attend but their staffers when in attendance at games many times were on their laptops and phones.They were there but not there. Sad
 
I hovered behind our son as he navigated NROTC app, and 4 SA apps. I answered questions, played devil's advocate, acted as a sounding board etc. I drove him to MOC interviews over 3 hours away, not because he couldn't but because I wanted to spend 6 hours with him, 3 weekends in a row. Also if he had car trouble, 17 is too young to rent a car from the side of the interstate to make the interview on time. But I didn't step foot in the buildings where he did 4 interviews, nor did I write the essays or create the resume.

I didn't run his 6:34 mile, I didn't fill in the bubbles on his 3 ACT tests that he registered for. I attended round 1 of his Legion Oratorical contest last week, and will be at round 2 at 9 am Saturday. But I won't be on the stage speaking.

He found his BFE from West Point on his desk, where his supportive Dad left it. He asked us to be in the room when he opened it, just as he did with USNA BFE. He seeks our counsel when he needs it, then he makes his own decisions.

Being present isn't 'helicoptering'. It is choosing to be present for his victories and defeats. It is making memories that last a lifetime for all of us. I will not regret a moment I spent.
Every family does it differently, we will continue to do it our way, and kudos to those who do it their way. Reminds me of a Sinatra diddy....
 
Our son went to boarding school thousands of miles from home when he was 14. He turned 23 last week and it made me think that the last birthday we celebrated with him was nine years ago. In addition to those lost birthdays, we missed his crew events, his proms, his girlfriends, his college application process, etc. But, he was one of those old-soul, extremely independent kids who was ready for that experience and consumed every bit of it eagerly. We did miss a lot, but he missed nothing. One upside of boarding school, though, was that we also missed the natural day-to-day "rub" of a growing teenager testing his limits as he readies to leave the nest; he was already gone. When our son was home on breaks, he left any stress and tension at school; we just got the chill, kind, fun, and appreciative version of him. And, when it came time for college, Plebe year was his fifth year away from home so it was not a big adjustment in that regard.

So, we never had the opportunity to helicopter, but I sometimes laughed when he'd send us pics of him in one of those birds that I actually was a "helicopter" mom.
 
I can think of one! Get out of my house!
I think there is a stark difference between helping them and doing for them. Parent shouldn’t be emailing anyone from the academy or ROTC folks on behalf of their child. You should absolutely guide them but not do for them
 
Well now I feel like a complete idiot that I used to attend my son’s sporting events and dropped them both off at college. I guess I was doing it all wrong, though I guess I am a helicopter parent...since they both flew helicopters in the Army. I hope I haven’t damaged them for life.

Ha ha! Well put...
 
As a son who just received an appointment, I completely despise the helicopter parenting that I have witnessed on this website and in person. It is alright to be excited for your child's future, it is fine for you to counsel your child on important life decisions but if you find yourself attending every academy day, every single banquet, track meet, etc. you probably need to take a step back. I know that your children are your legacy and you want to celebrate their accomplishments and be there for them, but you have to realize that taking a step back and letting your child make their own decisions, good or bad, is the best way of parenting a teenager. Place a "governor" on their mistakes, expect them to f*** up, but don't let it get out of control. My parents set an expectation, my father lectures me when I am disrespectful, provides me advice when I ask for it, but he has never once asked me about registering for the ACT, or whether i have homework, or if i have finished my college apps. My parents have never attended a sporting event and they have never attended an academy day (they are frequent in my area). My parents will not even be with me at R-day (I don't even want them there, they might come for A-day or PPW). My dad didn't even seem to care about my appointment. He only cared about whether it was something I wanted to do. My parents have always believed in me, so they never worried about my future. They knew that I alone could define my path. No one else.
TO ALL CANDIDATES: do not let your parents apply to an academy or college for you, do yourself. Let your life be yours, not theirs.
TO ALL PARENTS: Place trust in your child, help them, but do not lead them on THEIR journey.

I am not upset about my parents' lack of involvement, because they have been with me, emotionally. I even praise their parenting style! People call it child rearing for a reason. It's because you are behind them and they are in front. PERIODT
What is wrong with attending their banquets or all their “track meets”. My daughter doesn’t run track but she plays tennis and I attend all her matches that I am able to, that’s not being a helicopter parents it’s showing support. I actually kind of feel pretty sad for you that they never came to your sporting events. I grew up with those parents and it was hurtful to see everyone else parents cheering them on and mine weren’t there.
like you I despise helicopter parents, I am hands off when it comes to this process other than helping to navigate the medical process and obtaining records with her
You can be there to support and cheer on your child without meddling in everything
 
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I completely despise...


My goodness!! So spicy ...... ;) Move on with your life son, and learn the difference of what you can/cannot control on what you read/see/hear on the internet and how parents parent. Let us know after you have your own children "the best way'" to raise them! God Bless you and have a good day :oops:
 
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