A1Janitor
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2018
- Messages
- 6,433
I can think of 100,000 reasons to help my DS.
I can think of one! Get out of my house!
I can think of 100,000 reasons to help my DS.
In the 90s my little brother was accepted to the AFRTOC with a lot of help from our dad. He went through AFROTC and was having a hard time with some classes his sophomore year. While I was home visiting from my college, I wrote two of his English papers to help him out (not saying that's ethical). He later was given a bonus to serve in the army. He was deployed to Iraq twice, served in Korea and Guam and just retired as a Lt. Colonel without anyone holding his hand. He now has an amazing career working for the army/federal government.
I think sometimes, especially when young the family support is needed to help push us over some hurdles. I work at a school that is 87% economically disadvantaged and I see every day how hard it is for the kids that don't have family support helping give them the extra push and coaching them alone. I have a number of students that I have in the past and currently given a lot of coaching and pushing and at times micromanaged.
My own child came to me on her own saying she wanted to graduate a year early, gave me a paper from the school to sign to agree to it. Since she was taking a full load of class and an online class, working, playing sports and involved in so many clubs in blows my mind..I helped push her with deadlines for her AROTC application. I checked these sites to see how she could gain the most points, I don't see how she would've had time to read through all of this stuff. I've woken up at 1:00 am to see her sitting on her bed on her laptop doing work after getting home from work. There are only so many hours in the day to be reading on these things.
I also want to add, that I was convinced after reading on these sites, that there is no way she would get the scholarship with an ACT score of 21. She is 20/540 in her class, varsity tennis fall and spring (#1 or 2 spot since freshman yr) NHS, NHS Art, HOSA, student council officer, 8:05 mile, 55 pushups. 45 sit ups (apparently she had bad form and got docked) school mascot, certified this year as a phlebotomist and grading one year early after taking a full load of classes this summer and an extra online class this year. Oh yes, she has also been working 15 hours a week for the last year. She has always done really well on high school state tests so I was surprised she struggled so much with the ACT. I don't know if the fact she is only 16 they gave her some leeway with that score. Her interview went really well and she put a lot of work into her essay and had at least 5 eyes on it before she submitted.
You sounds like a very independent person, which is wonderful quality to have - especially at this time in life! I can relate because I was like you as a high school student. Obviously your parents understood your needs and responded accordingly. It really is a beautiful thing when that happens! I would argue that many young people need more support as they learn to navigate "process." Managing process definitely seems to be a gifting of yours at this young age. Other bright young people need time and space to develop that skill, and wise parents will help support and watch for gaps - especially during the times when the cost is high. As our young grow, ideally our parenting turns into mentoring as they build their confidence and find their footing. We've all seen examples when the pendulum swings a bit too far in each direction, but I would hesitate to judge whether one style of parenting is best over another for each student. Thank you sharing your viewpoint...especially since you have enjoyed success. Sounds like you are on your way!As a son who just received an appointment, I completely despise the helicopter parenting that I have witnessed on this website and in person. It is alright to be excited for your child's future, it is fine for you to counsel your child on important life decisions but if you find yourself attending every academy day, every single banquet, track meet, etc. you probably need to take a step back. I know that your children are your legacy and you want to celebrate their accomplishments and be there for them, but you have to realize that taking a step back and letting your child make their own decisions, good or bad, is the best way of parenting a teenager. Place a "governor" on their mistakes, expect them to f*** up, but don't let it get out of control. My parents set an expectation, my father lectures me when I am disrespectful, provides me advice when I ask for it, but he has never once asked me about registering for the ACT, or whether i have homework, or if i have finished my college apps. My parents have never attended a sporting event and they have never attended an academy day (they are frequent in my area). My parents will not even be with me at R-day (I don't even want them there, they might come for A-day or PPW). My dad didn't even seem to care about my appointment. He only cared about whether it was something I wanted to do. My parents have always believed in me, so they never worried about my future. They knew that I alone could define my path. No one else.
TO ALL CANDIDATES: do not let your parents apply to an academy or college for you, do yourself. Let your life be yours, not theirs.
TO ALL PARENTS: Place trust in your child, help them, but do not lead them on THEIR journey.
II am not upset about my parents' lack of involvement, because they have been with me, emotionally. I even praise their parenting style! People call it child rearing for a reason. It's because you are behind them and they are in front. PERIOD.
I could not agree more. Too many parents take the "let Johnny and Suzie do want they want to do" way too early in their kid's lives and they are never truly engaged with the passion of their children. They are also often the ones who hire the nanny to take care of the kids and immerse their children in technological pacifiers like iphones and ipads at an early age. Years later, they wonder what the heck happened to their kids, lol. I find that each kid, while different, needs to be challenged on why they like or dislike something and why or why not they chose to do something or procrastinate. I have my second kid aiming for the service academies or ROTC (my first attends the USCGA) and I have been there with him to assist when he asks for help or to gently nudge him when he needs it. Of course, I was the parent who had the kids mowing the lawn, doing gardening, cleaning the chicken coop, and cooking and doing laundry by age 8. There are some on the board who get very angry and defensive when you suggest you help your kid with the process (including a specific moderator), but kids need to nudge and will be grateful later in life that you were there for them. Kids these days (yes, I said that) have an abundance of knowledge with the internet at their fingertips, but they lack the context and wisdom to process it all and that is where parenting comes in.From one of my previous posts: thought it would be helpful here..just one veteran parent's opinion:
I flew helicopters in flight school, so I'm a "helicopter" dad. I'm also involved in my kids' education and decision-making, because I have 29 years of service. Being closely involved in their lives has given me good insight into their passion and desire to serve. In this competitive environment, being "hands off" is ill-advised. One definition of a leader is helping others to achieve, including your DD or DS. So as far as helicopter parents go, we should not be hovering right over our kids, but they should definitely feel our rotor wash
I think there is a stark difference between helping them and doing for them. Parent shouldn’t be emailing anyone from the academy or ROTC folks on behalf of their child. You should absolutely guide them but not do for themI can think of one! Get out of my house!
Well now I feel like a complete idiot that I used to attend my son’s sporting events and dropped them both off at college. I guess I was doing it all wrong, though I guess I am a helicopter parent...since they both flew helicopters in the Army. I hope I haven’t damaged them for life.
What is wrong with attending their banquets or all their “track meets”. My daughter doesn’t run track but she plays tennis and I attend all her matches that I am able to, that’s not being a helicopter parents it’s showing support. I actually kind of feel pretty sad for you that they never came to your sporting events. I grew up with those parents and it was hurtful to see everyone else parents cheering them on and mine weren’t there.As a son who just received an appointment, I completely despise the helicopter parenting that I have witnessed on this website and in person. It is alright to be excited for your child's future, it is fine for you to counsel your child on important life decisions but if you find yourself attending every academy day, every single banquet, track meet, etc. you probably need to take a step back. I know that your children are your legacy and you want to celebrate their accomplishments and be there for them, but you have to realize that taking a step back and letting your child make their own decisions, good or bad, is the best way of parenting a teenager. Place a "governor" on their mistakes, expect them to f*** up, but don't let it get out of control. My parents set an expectation, my father lectures me when I am disrespectful, provides me advice when I ask for it, but he has never once asked me about registering for the ACT, or whether i have homework, or if i have finished my college apps. My parents have never attended a sporting event and they have never attended an academy day (they are frequent in my area). My parents will not even be with me at R-day (I don't even want them there, they might come for A-day or PPW). My dad didn't even seem to care about my appointment. He only cared about whether it was something I wanted to do. My parents have always believed in me, so they never worried about my future. They knew that I alone could define my path. No one else.
TO ALL CANDIDATES: do not let your parents apply to an academy or college for you, do yourself. Let your life be yours, not theirs.
TO ALL PARENTS: Place trust in your child, help them, but do not lead them on THEIR journey.
I am not upset about my parents' lack of involvement, because they have been with me, emotionally. I even praise their parenting style! People call it child rearing for a reason. It's because you are behind them and they are in front. PERIODT
I completely despise...