Humor for my Navy and Marine friends

I have a somewhat odd request. Please search your joke lockers for clean (yes, I know) Navy/military jokes or funny stories.

A Navy shipmate of mine has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, with spots on his liver now, and I wanted to send him some humorous stuff to pass the time at chemo and lift his spirits for just a moment, help him to know he is still part of the larger military family.

Feel free to post here if appropriate or DM me. Thank you for any contributions.

I’ve already sent him the latest Broadside cartoon book.
 
The five most dangerous things in The Navy

1. A Seaman uttering "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
2. A Petty Officer saying "Trust me, Sir"
3. An Ensign saying "Based on my experience..."
4. A Lieutenant saying "I was just thinking..."
5. A Chief chuckling and offering the words "Watch this $hit..."
 
THParent said:
The five most dangerous things in The Navy

1. A Seaman uttering "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
2. A Petty Officer saying "Trust me, Sir"
3. An Ensign saying "Based on my experience..."
4. A Lieutenant saying "I was just thinking..."
5. A Chief chuckling and offering the words "Watch this $hit..."
Click to expand...
Perfect! Thank you.
 
As a group of recruits stood in formation at Parris Island, the Drill Instructor said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.”
As the rest of the platoon scurried into the squad bay, one recruit remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him. The recruit smiled and said, “Sure were a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

How different military branches use stars?
The Army sleeps under the stars
The Navy navigates by the stars
And the Air Force choose hotels by the stars

A soldier runs up a hill and around a corner before slamming into an officer.
“Where do you think you’re going, son?”
“Sorry, Captain! It’s crazy out there and the firefight was so heavy. I got scare and tried to go AWOL.”
“Who you calling “Captain?” I’m a general!”
“Wow!” exclaimed the soldier. “I didn’t realized I’d run that far back.”
 
@Capt MJ - My thoughts and prayers for your shipmate and fellow brother in arms.

I am not sure why but what immediately popped into my mind was a few books I used to steal off my Dad's shelf when I was a young man. There were two books by Norval Eugene Packwood that I found both interesting and amusing to read. They were somehow lost after my Dad passed away but if you could find them, I think they would be an easy, enjoyable, and humerous portrayal of life in the USMC.

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USMCGrunt said:
@Capt MJ - My thoughts and prayers for your shipmate and fellow brother in arms.

I am not sure why but what immediately popped into my mind was a few books I used to steal off my Dad's shelf when I was a young man. There were two books by Norval Eugene Packwood that I found both interesting and amusing to read. They were somehow lost after my Dad passed away but if you could find them, I think they would be an easy, enjoyable, and humerous portrayal of life in the USMC.

View attachment 6735 View attachment 6736
Click to expand...
Thank you! I’ll look for them. About the only thing I can offer is the “laughter is the best medicine” gift.
This one was classic pancreatic, not feeling quite right, some weight loss, low hemoglobin, and then wham, straight to Stage 3 and then tipping over into 4.
 
Not military and maybe not the best humor for your friend, but there used to be books full of "Calcin" comic strip my Dad gave to DS. We all got a chuckle from the..
 
Pancreatic is the worst. My grandmother had it but an embolism got her before the cancer did. A college friend of my daughter and a teacher colleague in my school district died from it four years ago. She went to her doctor who told her that her lack of appetite, anxiety, and weight loss was due to her divorce. Her husband was a jerk and knowing her one would ask, "Why in the world would anybody mess up being her husband" but he did and she of course reacted to that and in the meantime cancer was eating her pancreas.

By the time she was diagnosed it was too late. Cancer sucks.
 
My son has been stationed at all three. I've been stationed at one and did an exercise at 29 Palms. He is currently a Coyote at the Stumps as we call it. He actually enjoys the desert where people pay lots of money to do pilgrimage. West coast Marines are referred to as Hollywood Marines but he found out they are the fiercest of all he's served with thus far. I was stationed at Camp Lejeune part of the 70s, 80s, and 90s and went back for training and exercises in the 2000s. I love the place. In the late 70s though the base and Jacksonville, NC was like the Wild West. Marines actually had guns in the barracks. I learned a lifetime of trauma and emergency medicine in my early days there. I went back in the mid-90s with a family and lived in base housing. It was a defining time in the lives of all my family members.

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