I think you are correct about too much talk. She said she is overwhelmed with sadness so this concerns me...
Exhausted Doolie Parent
- Thread starter HOPE0204
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@bopper would be nice to restrict the talk, but her deep sadness has me concerned. Chaplain help has been implemented so that is a step in the right direction for progress one way or another.
@jebdad her coach has been great, but is afraid of frat rule since they do talk. I guess her coach is only for academics? Some of the peers are great, some can't be trusted she said.
@USAFAGradMom Chaplain - started, and hopefully less phone calls will help too. Her sponsor family has not called her back
.@Velocity2012 hope she finds her people soon. I know this will help
. She was on PEP and now out, but sadly the timing of many clubs came and went during the time she was in PEP sos she could not try out.@raimius I think two of these may be spot on. #3 being an absolute. Coping skills needed.
@bizzy1013 thanks - hopefully that is all true for her. No host family yet.
@OldAFRet Wish I could do that. She is thankful, and understands she has earned her spot. She needs to understand she deserves to be there and to not listen to the menutia. She hates letting people down so when she is failing minutes, she is failing everyone and really can't stand that.
@Devil Doc that article is what scares the crap out of me. Indepenence and tough love are great unless you miss some serious emotional cues.That's the meat of the problems like this for all young people who hate the first few weeks of life in the academies or military basic training.
They should reflect on the reasons for being there, and if they do not want to be an officer, or Marine, or Soldier, then they should go home.
Going home isn't so easy however in Marine boot camp for example. Did this person fall, jump, or was he pushed? If he committed suicide just to get away then that is a tragedy.
Marine Recruit Dies at Parris Island -- the Second Death in 3 Months
The recruit had been with the 3rd Recruit Training Battalion, Recruit Training Regiment.www.military.com
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Sounds like she is in a tough squadron but also is likely a fairly sensitive person? Looking back at my 4 dig year the things that made it easier for me compared to others were:
1. Not letting anything training staff said matter - because it largely doesn't. It sure feels like the end of the world when you don't know your knowledge and fail a test, but it's not. Academics and overall mental health are SO much more important
2. Having solid relationships with some upperclassmen (both because I played tennis, but also from the classes I took with them like Russian and one of the engineering classes). The academic officer or just the other girls in her squadron in general might be options, but if there isn't someone, grads (especially recent ones) work too. It's important to get the perspective that 4 dig year is painful and very temporary.
3. Sleep - not letting silly things like having a perfect bed/room cut into my sleep
4. Sponsor family/a way to escape - if she doesn't have a sponsor - see if she can tag along with a squad mate. Most sponsors are happy to have more cadets.
5. Peak performance center - this is what they called the mental health clinic when I was there. It took a while for me to realize I was spiraling, but when I did and finally went there, it turned things 100% around. I went in and the doc thought I might be clinically depressed - after a few weeks he had identified nearly everything causing me to spiral and gave me a way to fix it- and I felt SO much better.
Hang in there- if she is questioning just because it's hard, her TOs are a but over the top and in general life is miserable, then that's 100% normal. Thinking about why she went there in the first place can help - and the chaplain/mental health clinic can help sort through those feelings.
1. Not letting anything training staff said matter - because it largely doesn't. It sure feels like the end of the world when you don't know your knowledge and fail a test, but it's not. Academics and overall mental health are SO much more important
2. Having solid relationships with some upperclassmen (both because I played tennis, but also from the classes I took with them like Russian and one of the engineering classes). The academic officer or just the other girls in her squadron in general might be options, but if there isn't someone, grads (especially recent ones) work too. It's important to get the perspective that 4 dig year is painful and very temporary.
3. Sleep - not letting silly things like having a perfect bed/room cut into my sleep
4. Sponsor family/a way to escape - if she doesn't have a sponsor - see if she can tag along with a squad mate. Most sponsors are happy to have more cadets.
5. Peak performance center - this is what they called the mental health clinic when I was there. It took a while for me to realize I was spiraling, but when I did and finally went there, it turned things 100% around. I went in and the doc thought I might be clinically depressed - after a few weeks he had identified nearly everything causing me to spiral and gave me a way to fix it- and I felt SO much better.
Hang in there- if she is questioning just because it's hard, her TOs are a but over the top and in general life is miserable, then that's 100% normal. Thinking about why she went there in the first place can help - and the chaplain/mental health clinic can help sort through those feelings.
USAFAGradMom
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Cadets were given both email & phone contact information for their sponsor family. Suggest she continues to try to contact (maybe with an alternate method). DD can contact the Sponsor Office at cadet.sponsor@usafa.edu to request a new sponsor family if she still doesn't get a response.@USAFAGradMom Chaplain - started, and hopefully less phone calls will help too. Her sponsor family has not called her back
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I like to add a little perspective occasionally. I'm sure there aren't many training deaths associated with what your daughter is going through at USAFA but it happens at Parris Island. Marine boot camp is worlds away from your daughter but she doesn't know that or give a rat's backside about the difficulty Marine recruits go through. They all mostly make it through though. They do it with a common purpose and a common hatred for the Drill Instructor who they end up loving at graduation. That's because they want to be like them. To be them. That's where your daughter's goals come in. Does she still want to be an Air Force officer or go home and be one of the 99 percent.
I get it on your end. It's difficult giving up a child to the military. On one deployment my son would call me on his burner phone before he boarded a helicopter. It worried the snot out of me until I heard from him again or enough time passed that I figured he was okay. I talked to him about that after he returned and it turns out he hates helo rides as much as I did. Until a few months ago he taught 19 year olds how to blow up stuff. Now he's in charge of a force-on-force exercise with 3000 troops and planes dropping things that go boom. I worry about him all the time.
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My personal situation as a plebe was probably a bit similar to that of your daughter. I was a
terrible plebe and did very poorly during plebe summer by most measures. And by bad, I
mean one of the worst in the company and even these many years later my classmates have
confirmed this to my wife complete with stories and details. My firsties (plebe detailers) worked
pretty hard to add pressure to me and quite a few of them as well as the second classmen in my
squad once Ac Year started pushed me pretty hard with lots of pressure, yelling, etc in hopes of getting
me to leave. We switched squads/leadership in early December and the squad I was assigned to had
the toughest of our Firsties in the company combined with the four lowest ranked plebes. On day
one he told us that his goal was to finish the leadership set (end of Feb) with zero plebes. He only got
half of us and finished with two.
.
What may be different between your daughter and I is that while I was not happy about it, I did not
let myself agonize and instead took the attitude that I'd show them that I could take it and persevere.
I told myself that I'd never quit, that they'd have to throw me out and I managed to keep my academics
above the cut line (barely) and survived that semester and then managed to improve a little bit as I went
along. Then at last, Plebe Year was over and I really had an accomplishment to be proud of because I
knew that I'd taken all they could throw at me. Academics stayed very tough for me but I managed to
improve there as well and also gradually found "my people" and as my time at USNA progressed ,I
managed to enjoy parts of it.
.
Again, maybe I'm very different from your daughter but perhaps she too can decide HERSELF that she wants
to stay and prove those *&^% that they are wrong about her.
terrible plebe and did very poorly during plebe summer by most measures. And by bad, I
mean one of the worst in the company and even these many years later my classmates have
confirmed this to my wife complete with stories and details. My firsties (plebe detailers) worked
pretty hard to add pressure to me and quite a few of them as well as the second classmen in my
squad once Ac Year started pushed me pretty hard with lots of pressure, yelling, etc in hopes of getting
me to leave. We switched squads/leadership in early December and the squad I was assigned to had
the toughest of our Firsties in the company combined with the four lowest ranked plebes. On day
one he told us that his goal was to finish the leadership set (end of Feb) with zero plebes. He only got
half of us and finished with two.
.
What may be different between your daughter and I is that while I was not happy about it, I did not
let myself agonize and instead took the attitude that I'd show them that I could take it and persevere.
I told myself that I'd never quit, that they'd have to throw me out and I managed to keep my academics
above the cut line (barely) and survived that semester and then managed to improve a little bit as I went
along. Then at last, Plebe Year was over and I really had an accomplishment to be proud of because I
knew that I'd taken all they could throw at me. Academics stayed very tough for me but I managed to
improve there as well and also gradually found "my people" and as my time at USNA progressed ,I
managed to enjoy parts of it.
.
Again, maybe I'm very different from your daughter but perhaps she too can decide HERSELF that she wants
to stay and prove those *&^% that they are wrong about her.
@USAFAGradMom Thanks for the advice on the sponsor.
@Devil Doc thanks for the words of encouragement and support about worry! Trying to hand it to the Lord, but man it is hard!!!!
@OldRetSWO Your story is encouraging. She did say I don't want them to win, but then says I can't to to mintues tomorrow and get yelled at again. She is so in her head that she can't seem to blow them off.
Your daughter may feel that her TO’s are tougher than the rest, or singling her out, but that doesn’t make it true. That’s her perspective in the moment. They have a job to do, and if she is repeatedly failing in an area then she is going to draw extra attention to correct the problem. Don’t blame this on the TO’s. Mental and physical toughness is cultured at all the academies for a reason. Some start off with it, some develop it, and some never do. The ones that never do are often the ones DOR’ing.