Dad Joke thread (everybody welcome)

Beware of the ideas in March.

My Grandpa was a Veterinarian and a Taxidermist.
He had a sign outside his office which read: "No matter what happens, you'll get your dog back".

Villain: "I have just injected you with truth serum"

Tony the Tiger: "They're fine"

What do you get when you cross a Cow with an Octopus?





A stern talking to from the ethics committee and swift revocation of your funding.

You see, Tony The Tiger usually says "They're Great!"

Come on. people!

THParent said:

You see, Tony The Tiger usually says "They're Great!"

Come on. people!

Click to expand...

We got it the first time.

Evidently I'm as old as dirt.

Rach3 said:

Click to expand...

You’re really old if you know what the missing speed is.

VelveteenR said:

You’re really old if you know what the missing speed is.

Click to expand...

Very true!! I know it, and I'm guessing you do, too! Shall we divulge the answer?

kinnem said:

Evidently I'm as old as dirt.

Click to expand...

Evidently, i watch a lot of news.

justme said:

Evidently, i watch a lot of news.

Click to expand...

And you have your "glasses" in hand?

Interesting article. No joke.

I'll never forget my father's last words to me: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I noticed that I wasn't getting any mail.

I looked on my mailbox and to my surprise, found that the numbers on the side had been stolen!

I guess I'll have to address that.

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening after a long day on the road, he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful steak, but he didn’t want wine to drink, which was the towns specialty. He wanted a simple coke. He asked the waiter if they had any, but the waiter said that there was only Pepsi. A little displeased, Larry went to his hotel and slept the night. The next morning he was on the road again.

A couple days later, Larry came across yet another small town named Galena, after the mineral mined by Native Americans. Being tired and hungry, Larry decided to stop for the night. He ate at a cozy little restaurant, ordering a club sandwich and a coke. The club sandwich tasted great but when the waiter brought out the coke, he explained to Larry that there was no coke left so he had brought Pepsi. Larry, who was craving a nice cold coke got a little angry this time, but left and slept for the night. He left the town early the next morning.

This time Larry traveled long and hard, for two whole weeks. When he decided to stop again, he was craving a coke. He stopped at a little town named Kawville, which was named after a North American-Indian people formerly of eastern Kansas. This town was known for its coin production, and Larry noticed that a factory was having a special promotion. A combined tour and supper inside the factory. Being a curious traveler himself, he decided to go for it. After an amazing tour, Larry sat down to a great supper of ribs. Again, he asked for a coke, and this time the waiter brought him an ice cold coke. Larry turned to the waiter and said “Thank you so much. I guess the real coke is always in the Kaw-mints”

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?​

Apparently, the only difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

Where do Lizards go after their tails fall off?

THE RETAIL STORE

People are shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

My wife has been on me about putting on a few pounds, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate lately.