Life as a Female Pilot

UHBlackhawk said:
I don't know. If you want to have a family someone will have to do with less. This smacked my wife and me in the face when I was deployed to Central/South America and called home. Some friends answered the phone. When I asked why they were visiting they said I obviously had not heard (the days before widespread internet). Her unit had been deployed to the Middle East and they were there to take care of our daughter until one of us got back. I exchanged some letters with my wife. Something had to give if strangers were not to raise our daughter. One of us had to put their career on the back burner.
In our case it was me. I left active duty and went into the Guard. Because you know they NEVER deploy and it's only one weekend a month, two weeks during the summer. :rolleyes:
Well, wouldn't you know? 9/11 happened and I was recalled and sent to Iraq while my wife was in the middle of medical school. With two kids. She made it with some help from friends/family, but a few years later when I was looking at another recall while she was in residency we realized something had to give. The kids couldn't scrub into surgery with her. So I retired.
As the kids got older I did start to go back into the workforce full time, but I always put that second until recently as they left the house.
There is nothing second rate about raising a family and it's much more important than a full 401(k). I think we are often tough on past generations and try to put our mores and beliefs on them when they lived in a different and more labor intense age. In a time when a refrigerator was called an "ice box" because you had to get ice delivered to keep stuff cool, just getting groceries and preparing food was a full-time job. No precut frozen chickens or other prepackaged food. No microwave. No freezer until maybe after WWII. "TV" dinners, those prepared meals we just throw into a microwave or oven didn't really come out until the 1950's So women stayed home and ran the household.
It took time as society modernized for those structures and the attitudes that went with them to change. My mom really wanted to follow her dad and go to law school, but it was tough enough in 1950 as a single female to get into law school. Married? Forget it. Not happening (though in fairness even married men were often excluded from law school).

But these are all bridges one can cross as he/she comes to them. Each step of the way one will need to evaluate their life both as an individual and, if it comes to it, as a spouse and maybe even a parent.
Click to expand...

If I could give this 5 likes I would!
 
Actually UHBlackhawk...you all could have been the family that inspired me to get out while I was pregnant with #1 Son (Capt America). We had neighbors who moved in upstairs from us--and went to the field and had to leave their children with strangers/childcare...and it didn't work out--and one of the parents had to come back to resettle the kids--and redeploy. At another point, grandma and grandpa came to get the children for the duration. Less than ideal.
While all of this was happening, #1 was growing in my belly and my husband and I looked at each other one night and he said, "Someone should probably watch the baby," and it was me. I think things are a little different now--with the generous maternity benefit and being nondeployable for a full 12 months.

However, would-be fly-girl does not have a husband or a baby--she should live her dreams now--knowing that being an aviator and officer will change her opportunities for the rest of her life--and face whatever happens next as the situation develops.

There are many successful couples for whom the dual married program works--and there are husbands who step out of active duty to support the active duty wife.
As for my neighbors all those years ago...both parents retired after successful careers and both children are Army officers now.
 
DrMom said:
Actually UHBlackhawk...you all could have been the family that inspired me to get out while I was pregnant with #1 Son (Capt America). We had neighbors who moved in upstairs from us--and went to the field and had to leave their children with strangers/childcare...and it didn't work out--and one of the parents had to come back to resettle the kids--and redeploy. At another point, grandma and grandpa came to get the children for the duration. Less than ideal.
While all of this was happening, #1 was growing in my belly and my husband and I looked at each other one night and he said, "Someone should probably watch the baby," and it was me. I think things are a little different now--with the generous maternity benefit and being nondeployable for a full 12 months.

However, would-be fly-girl does not have a husband or a baby--she should live her dreams now--knowing that being an aviator and officer will change her opportunities for the rest of her life--and face whatever happens next as the situation develops.

There are many successful couples for whom the dual married program works--and there are husbands who step out of active duty to support the active duty wife.
As for my neighbors all those years ago...both parents retired after successful careers and both children are Army officers now.
Click to expand...

I do agree that she does not have a husband or baby- which is why I ended with her crossing the bridge when she comes to it.

I know there are dual military couples with kids, but I will tell you in almost every case something had to give, especially in the day and age of constant deployments.
At the risk of sounding sexist, like it or not, females are different. If one wants to have a family while it sounds great to say take that generous maternity leave and be nondeployable for 12 months, understand that this can put a great strain on a unit depending on the female's position, such as being a commander or a line pilot. Tough to be a commander if you can't deploy with your unit and are restricted from many training exercises. Even being a line pilot can be tough. Not sure what the restriction is of flying while pregnant, but I imagine it can be difficult flying a fighter at 6 months. I've been in combat where pilots were flying almost every day for a year, 90 hours a month/pilot (I knew some units flying 135 hours a month/pilot). It is exhausting and stressful, the first time I experienced chronic fatigue. The last thing a unit needs is to lose pilots in this scenario due to pregnancies and be short staffed. How do you evaluate a female who does not participate in these operations? How do you say a female who pulls herself out of a flying assignment and loses out on valuable cockpit time necessary to advance should be given the same shot at promotion as the males who were in the cockpits day after day?
There is no written rule that I know of, but most females will try to avoid getting pregnant while occupying these positions. They will wait until they are in staff jobs or schooling. In my wife's case, she took non-deployable staff positions that did not involve flying when she wanted to be pregnant. Each time she did so, it was 5% of a 20-year career in a nondeployable status. Probably why you see very few senior female officers with more than one or two kids. Frankly, I can't think of any, though there may be a few out there.
But again, these are bridges to cross later in life when and if you come to them.
 
People, regardless of sex, figure this out, by balancing what’s important to them. Having a family is only one of the variables that gets juggled into the mix.

There is no predicting how life will unfold. I had a contemporary who was a pilot, a woman, who was going to get out of the Navy because of the challenges of co-location with her spouse, also a pilot. He died of testicular cancer in his late 20’s - she stayed in, went on to excel, re-married (another pilot), had kids, and they figured it out through deployments, career choices and life’s ups and downs. The key for them was a strong family support system and their commitment to each other. She owns her own consulting company today. Kids are grown and well-launched. Husband is semi-retired.

It is hard. People find their path, make choices, decide what they can flex on or not. I think the worst thing to do is make choices now about what could or could not be a challenge in 10 years. In the meantime, life happens.
 
I've been thinking about this a lot too. I was wondering if anyone could offer me any info on the lifestyles of Coast Guard pilots. I applied for an appointment in the Class of 2022 about a month ago. I have a Letter of Assurance & am very healthy so I am feeling confident about receiving the appointment. I'll know for sure around Thanksgiving. My dream since I was a little girl has always been to fly fixed wing in the military (preferably large cargo) and leave the military after my commitment to be an airline pilot. I also really want a family. I believe the commitment is 10 yrs + the 1 yr of flight school in the CG. Does anyone know any female CG pilots who want, currently have, or have had children? I cannot imagine being truly happy without flying and without children and a family. Anyone who can give me a success story or any input at all?
 
A couple things:

-The Coast Guard has primarily rotary wing aircraft. While there are FW aircraft (C-130s and the CASA), FW is by no means guaranteed. My class leader in primary was a Coastie who wanted FW and was sweating bullets the whole time working her ass off to try and get it. Some weeks for them there just aren't spots. Also, most Coasties are not direct-to-flight school, every one I met there had served on a cutter beforehand.

-People get hung up on the idea that in order to fly big boring planes for the airlines they have to fly big boring planes in the military. This is not the case. There are plenty of fighter pilots, helicopter pilots, and even former military no-pilots (NFOs) who make it to the airlines. The Coast Guard in particular has some of the most challenging RW flying out there in some of the worst weather conditions...to save peoples' lives. That's badass! Do that! You have the rest of your life to stare out of windows at 30,000 ft. There is a limited window in your life to fly military, take advantage of it. Don't be freaking out for a job that you can't get for ten years and might not even want by then.

@UHBlackhawk above wrote, and he's 100% correct, to not make decisisons based on imaginary husbands and kids.
 
I'm a 2014 USAFA grad flying HH-60's. I wanted '60's all the way through the academy and I worked my ass off in UPT to give myself the choice. I'm not going to lie to you, living the pilot life in today's ops tempo is tough no matter what airframe you choose. Yes, I've done a lot of really cool things (flying in Europe, deploying, etc.) in the 9 months that I've been at my unit. I also only fly a couple days a week and work too many 12-16 hour days and weekends. That doesn't leave a lot of time for a vibrant social life. Being a pilot and having a good family life are not mutually exclusive, but this career field does make it a challenge. The guys have it easier when it comes to timelines. They don't have to stress about family timing in the same way that we do. Female officers also have a much higher percentage of mil-to-mil marriages. I'm lucky that I have a great example of "making it work" from my parents (both retired USAF pilots).

Be a pilot. Also accept that if you want this life, you're going to have to fight for it. PM me if you'd like to talk!
 
Well there are more senior male officers (Col. and up) with more young kids. At Ft. Bragg, kinda a little more in the EFMP program........


"Probably why you see very few senior female officers with more than one or two kids. Frankly, I can't think of any, though there may be a few out there.
But again, these are bridges to cross later in life when and if you come to them.[/QUOTE]
 
Airlines often recruited cargo pilots. My late uncle was an A-1 Skyraider pilot and he went into being a professor.

and not a job is family friendly........even teachers.

USAFA10s said:
Having talked to a close friend who flys C-17s I know I wouldn't want that job, and it is certainly NOT family friendly, but that's about it for my personal knowledge. I'll see what the fighter community friends have to say and get back to you.
Click to expand...
 
There recently was a Marine colonel aviator w four kids. She was a machine and had somehow figured out how to make it work. No matter what career you go into, you will have to make it work. If you want to fly, then fly!
 
DrMom said:
There recently was a Marine colonel aviator w four kids. She was a machine and had somehow figured out how to make it work. No matter what career you go into, you will have to make it work. If you want to fly, then fly!
Click to expand...
Possible but not easy. My wife pins on O-6 in a few weeks. I had to make many sacrifices in my career to get our family to this point.
 
As Marie Currie said ‘Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all that confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and this thing must be attained. ‘

Pursuing our dreams is never without sacrifice.
 
Marie Curie's (Polish citizen) 2 Nobel prizes : Physics 1903 (along with her husband Pierre), Chemistry, 1911. I guess she was one of those STEM kids.
 
Lt Gen Michelle Johnson...husband retired as an 0-6 to be a "stay at home dad" while her career was catapulting...they have twin boys...and she did pretty well as a pilot and officer.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83
 
As I used to say to the young men & women in the LE bureaucracy I worked in, "There are no superstars around here" (& there really isn't!) with the implication that everyone is/was just like you & if you applied yourself, maybe you could be one.
 
Yes, sacrifices are necessary, but one should go in recognizing what they will be.
In today’s military if a couple wishes to have children either-
A. One spouse will need to put their career on the back burner.
B. A person other than a parent will be heavily involved in raising the children.
 
Google Jeannie Flynn Levitt and Nicole "Fifi" Malachowski. If you want it you can do it!
~ If you are too lazy to google. Jeannie was the 1st female fighter pilot. She is married and has children. Fifi was the 1st female THUNDERBIRD pilot. She too is married and has kids.

It is not easy.
falcongirl said:
The guys have it easier when it comes to timelines. They don't have to stress about family timing in the same way that we do.
Click to expand...
No offense falcongirl, but I disagree with you.
My DH was ADAF for 21 yrs., and he stressed about family just as much as me, probably more so. He was deployed when our DS was 6 mos old, and worried his 1st born would not recognize him when he came home after being gone for many months, just like a mother would feel.
He was deployed when our eldest had his 1st communion...life happens.
He was there for our youngest 1st halloween (he was 4 months old), and not home again for halloween until he was 8. It killed him to finally have that joy of trick or treating with them, but now they were so old they wanted to ditch him and go with their friends.

My DS is ADAF (C130J), how did he find out they were having a baby? Skype 1 week into his 6 1/2 months deployment. He missed the 1st ultrasound, found out the sex of their baby via facetime. Left a wife with no belly to come to a wife 8 months pregnant.

My point is a military life is hard on both sides, but it is like any marriage. To make it work there will need to be compromises. It may mean 1 gets out and stays at home. It may mean you will have to be located at different bases, but in the same theater. Yet, in the end, what it is and will be is what WORKS for you.

Don't walk in and wonder can I do this from a female perspective. Walk in and say WHAT IF I don't do this? I am 52. I am fortunate enough to say, I really don't have many of those WHAT IFs. Most importantly, I don't have any WHAT IF when it comes to my career choices/
 
Pima said:
Google Jeannie Flynn Levitt and Nicole "Fifi" Malachowski. If you want it you can do it!
~ If you are too lazy to google. Jeannie was the 1st female fighter pilot. She is married and has children. Fifi was the 1st female THUNDERBIRD pilot. She too is married and has kids.

It is not easy.

No offense falcongirl, but I disagree with you.
My DH was ADAF for 21 yrs., and he stressed about family just as much as me, probably more so. He was deployed when our DS was 6 mos old, and worried his 1st born would not recognize him when he came home after being gone for many months, just like a mother would feel.
He was deployed when our eldest had his 1st communion...life happens.
He was there for our youngest 1st halloween (he was 4 months old), and not home again for halloween until he was 8. It killed him to finally have that joy of trick or treating with them, but now they were so old they wanted to ditch him and go with their friends.

My DS is ADAF (C130J), how did he find out they were having a baby? Skype 1 week into his 6 1/2 months deployment. He missed the 1st ultrasound, found out the sex of their baby via facetime. Left a wife with no belly to come to a wife 8 months pregnant.

My point is a military life is hard on both sides, but it is like any marriage. To make it work there will need to be compromises. It may mean 1 gets out and stays at home. It may mean you will have to be located at different bases, but in the same theater. Yet, in the end, what it is and will be is what WORKS for you.

Don't walk in and wonder can I do this from a female perspective. Walk in and say WHAT IF I don't do this? I am 52. I am fortunate enough to say, I really don't have many of those WHAT IFs. Most importantly, I don't have any WHAT IF when it comes to my career choices/
Click to expand...
As the husband of someone who was a military pilot, the point falcongirl was making is that female officers have other considerations.
Every time a female pilot gets pregnant they are looking at about a year out of the cockpit depending on how much maternity leave they take. In some positions this is just not possible- a squadron commander can not effectively lead while not being able to fly and lead by example. They become nondepliyable and, at some point, at grounded. Imagine a brand new female pilot showing up not being able to fly for their first year due to pregnancy. Not something a unit needs.
Most will try to juggle pregnancies with schooling or staff positions, but these can be limited, especially early in ones career when you are “in the trenches” while at the same time in the prime of female physiological childbearing age, something that is less of an issue for a male.

So again, I have been there, done that. My wife is still having what would be considered a successful career, and my DD is just starting out and has already proven herself in a male dominated branch of the Army. But men and women will face different challenges as they move through a military career.
 
Pima said:
Words
Click to expand...

I think you missed the point. I'm sure it sucks to miss major events in a child's life as a Dad, but it is inherently career limiting as a female to have a kid while in a squadron because you cannot fly and therefore cannot do your job. As a new pilot, taking a year out of the cockpit is essentially a game ender for progression.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top