How do I know if I am meant to be here or not?

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navyafgirl

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Feb 27, 2016
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So I am almost finished with my second year at the academy, right before commitment. I have considered leaving multiple times in the past but my parents told me to stick it out, especially during freshman year. I am doing fine, but as commitment gets closer I keep having second thoughts on whether I would like to commit or not. Obviously everyone who does not go here tells me how awesome it is that I am here and what not, but I feel like I am only staying because of how "great" it is that I go here and a few of the benefits. I do not feel like I want to be in the military though and have no idea what I would even like to do after graduation...
I guess I am just wondering what types of questions should I ask myself to help determine if I should stay or not? I know this place is a great opportunity, but is it worth it if I am not happy/do not even want to be in the military?
 
navyafgirl said:
I do not feel like I want to be in the military though and have no idea what I would even like to do after graduation
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Dig deep and think way back.
  1. What made you apply to the Academy in the first place?
  2. What was your vision of yourself after commissioning? Can you still see yourself in that role in your mind's eye?
  3. Who do you know in the military who may have been a role model? Have you spoken to this person?
  4. You say you don't feel like you "want" to be in the military. Why? At some point in the past did you actually want to be an officer?
  5. If you suddenly were transported home....what things would you miss about the Academy? What things would you not?
  6. Have you journaled or written out any of these thoughts and concerns? Put it on paper before you take any actions.

My personal feeling is that there if you are only at the academy to please other people, then that is a significant problem.

However if there is any answer to one of the above questions that leads you to believe that you made this move to Colorado Springs for yourself and for a great cause.....then just maybe you should stick it out.

You may also be thinking about two more years there. Turn that thought around and realize that you are at the halfway point. If you endured these two years, you can do two more and then reap the rewards of being both a graduate and an Air Force Officer.

Lastly, seek a neutral/confidential party to confide in. The chaplain at the Academy would be a good start.

Good luck on your decision.
 
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navyafagirl, Good for you for asking yourself these hard questions. It appears you feel you do not want to be in the Military and you don't seem to be interested in the career paths they have to offer, is there a career path that now appeals to you that you would rather pursue? Pressure from everyone else will not make you happy in the long run, It's your life and you only have 1 of them and no one but you gets to live your life for you! I guess the question I would ask myself would be " is this the path that's gonna get me where I want to be in the future ?"
 
Really great advice from AROTC-dad above. I will add my own parenting of 2 now adults who have graduated (regular) college and are young adults, that your self doubt/questioning is not “un-normal”. Both my now young adults at times questioned what they were doing. Up until a certain point, you do as you are told what to do (more or less...sometimes less but that a whole different discussion [emoji849]) as a minor. Pretty much everything is laid out for you. Even though you have more adult freedom in college, especially at a SA, stuff is still pretty much laid out for you.

Now you are facing your ‘real future’. Which is a big unknown. Both of my children at this stage of their lives questioned what they were doing. In fact my oldest changed her course of her life drastically probably 4 times. BC she wasn’t sure. Both are fine and happy successful young adults.

Sometimes we have to take leaps of faith. Jump in and don’t look back. I’m of the opinion that things always seem to work out.

Adulting is hard. And confusing. It is normal to question what in the world you are doing. That’s my point. I have been through this questioning period with both of my young adult children......

Great advice to talk this through with someone. And absent doing this only to please others, I would suspect you will be able to figure it out with some help.

Best wishes!!! I’m rooting for you!!
 
I actually sat down and did a spreadsheet with my kids when they asked similar questions. I run two scenarios..... you sticking with it out 10 years and you changing course, going to a university and then working private or civil/gov for 10 years. It's a little pragmatic, does not take into account the patriotism, service aspect, but it sure can shed some light on the financial side of things. I would be willing to bet over 50% of college grads consider their original path of higher level education a mistake to some degree, but still pursue it through to the finish and then use it for quite a few years to make a living. Sounds bad, but I have actually asked quite a few people, and they agree they would have done something different if given a second chance. I would stick with the golden ticket personally, but I only visited on P.W., and that's in the rear view mirror now!
 
BlueBulldog said:
I'll buck the trend and say leave.

You gave it a shot and you're not happy. You'll be at best marginally effective as a officer and that does nobody any good
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....or she will a better officer for working through this. Able to empathize and counsel her people better BC she has been through it. You cannot know what kind of officer she will be.

In fact, odds are she WILL be a good officer, as she was selected for an appointment. I suspect if she doesn’t have what it takes, she would be let go.
 
justdoit19 said:
BlueBulldog said:
I'll buck the trend and say leave.

You gave it a shot and you're not happy. You'll be at best marginally effective as a officer and that does nobody any good
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....or she will a better officer for working through this. Able to empathize and counsel her people better BC she has been through it. You cannot know what kind of officer she will be.

In fact, odds are she WILL be a good officer, as she was selected for an appointment. I suspect if she doesn’t have what it takes, she would be let go.
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that's not at all true - at least in my short time as a naval officer there were as many bad officers from USNA as anywhere else

Maybe ship board navy might be a different deal but there's nothing worse and frankly it's quite dangerous to have officers who don't 100% want to be there.

I do wish her all the best, but as they say it's not too late to quit
 
I have known plenty of people during basic training who felt the military was not for them. They hated basic training and tech school more than anything. They stuck it out and once they got to operational they loved it. I would say finish out your 2 years at USAFA and do the four years in the Air Force. If you think about it, 6 years out of your 80ish years of life is nothing. You might even be a great officer and impact and mentor those you are appointed over. Don't judge a training environment to how operational Air Force is. If you still have the same opinion in 6 years then go ahead and separate but you might find yourself staying the 20 years and retiring from the Air Force because you enjoy it.
 
I completely agree having an officer there that truly doesn’t want to be could be bad. My post was addressing the fact that most young adults have a moment of wondering what they are doing. At least in my experience. That it is normal.

If after working through it , she finds that this isn’t the path for her, by all means leave.

But wondering at this age is normal. To wonder, IMO, isn’t enough cause to make a decision.
 
OP, the biggest cues I took away from your post are:

"I do not feel like I want to be in the military though and have no idea what I would even like to do after graduation... "
"I have considered leaving multiple times in the past but my parents told me to stick it out"

-You've upheld your end of the bargain with your parents and tried to stick it out. On this aspect, if you do decide to leave, ensure that you have a plan. Talk to other colleges about what credits will transfer (unfortunately not as many as you would probably like), figure out what jobs you would like and how to get them, etc. If you leave, have something to go to, not just getting away.

-To me, the first point is the bigger warning sign. Too often, parents and kids on here get wrapped around the axle about the achievement that is attending an Academy. Graduation is just the beginning. The Academy is, in a lot of ways, the easier part of your military career. Five years (or more) post graduation is a long time to be ambivalent or miserable with what you are doing. The hours get longer, the studying gets harder, and the responsibilities increase. You owe it to your future Airmen to be dedicated to them and their well-being, and that can be difficult if you're not particularly interested in the military. I know an unfortunately MANY people who stuck it out to graduation against their instincts and then spent their time on active duty miserable, failed out of their initial training schools (flight/nuke in particular), and/or tried to find easy and early outs from the military. I also know people who struggled at USNA who have loved their time in the Navy/USMC and are very successful. Some are sticking around for a career. It honestly depends on attitude and what is at the core of you wanting to leave.

You mentioned you don't feel like you want to be in the military. This is fine! Most people don't want to be in the military. But think critically about what aspects of the military don't appeal to you and whether they are specific to USAFA or general to the Air Force. The best thing you can probably do is talk to people who graduated ahead of you. Whatever USAFA calls Company Officers (or JO instructors) can be a good resource: talk to them about what they did as JOs, what they liked and didn't like, and what they wish they knew. An even BETTER resource are recent grads. If there are people who were 1/C when you were a freshman or whatever you comfortable talking to, reach out and ask them about their lives. Talk to people from different communities, really any community you're interested in. They are currently living what will be your life in just a couple years rather than looking back on it with potentially rose colored glasses. Find out what they think of it in the moment.
 
If she does try to leave will the government charge her for the education she has received? I have seen on several ocassions where people got out of the academy and either had to pay a lot of money to pay back the education or enlist to repay them
 
Tmabe204 said:
If she does try to leave will the government charge her for the education she has received? I have seen on several ocassions where people got out of the academy and either had to pay a lot of money to pay back the education or enlist to repay them
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nope, nor should they as she's not reached the commitment date yet
 
Thank you so much everyone, a lot of this has really good questions and content to think about. I think the biggest thing would be getting my parents on board since they think this is the best thing I have going for me. Of course my mom does not know what it’s like to go here, so I have to take what she says with a grain of salt even though I really do value her opinion.
I do need to talk to more people about this and think about it more, but I do feel like right now I have stayed for other people and because I did not know what else I would do, also for financial reasons. So I guess I just have to see what is more worth it to me. Thank you everyone, I love the feedback!
 
Hurricane12 said:
OP, the biggest cues I took away from your post are:

"I do not feel like I want to be in the military though and have no idea what I would even like to do after graduation... "
"I have considered leaving multiple times in the past but my parents told me to stick it out"

-You've upheld your end of the bargain with your parents and tried to stick it out. On this aspect, if you do decide to leave, ensure that you have a plan. Talk to other colleges about what credits will transfer (unfortunately not as many as you would probably like), figure out what jobs you would like and how to get them, etc. If you leave, have something to go to, not just getting away.

-To me, the first point is the bigger warning sign. Too often, parents and kids on here get wrapped around the axle about the achievement that is attending an Academy. Graduation is just the beginning. The Academy is, in a lot of ways, the easier part of your military career. Five years (or more) post graduation is a long time to be ambivalent or miserable with what you are doing. The hours get longer, the studying gets harder, and the responsibilities increase. You owe it to your future Airmen to be dedicated to them and their well-being, and that can be difficult if you're not particularly interested in the military. I know an unfortunately MANY people who stuck it out to graduation against their instincts and then spent their time on active duty miserable, failed out of their initial training schools (flight/nuke in particular), and/or tried to find easy and early outs from the military. I also know people who struggled at USNA who have loved their time in the Navy/USMC and are very successful. Some are sticking around for a career. It honestly depends on attitude and what is at the core of you wanting to leave.

You mentioned you don't feel like you want to be in the military. This is fine! Most people don't want to be in the military. But think critically about what aspects of the military don't appeal to you and whether they are specific to USAFA or general to the Air Force. The best thing you can probably do is talk to people who graduated ahead of you. Whatever USAFA calls Company Officers (or JO instructors) can be a good resource: talk to them about what they did as JOs, what they liked and didn't like, and what they wish they knew. An even BETTER resource are recent grads. If there are people who were 1/C when you were a freshman or whatever you comfortable talking to, reach out and ask them about their lives. Talk to people from different communities, really any community you're interested in. They are currently living what will be your life in just a couple years rather than looking back on it with potentially rose colored glasses. Find out what they think of it in the moment.
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Just a great, great post, ‘12! So much good advice, like many of these responses. I’m at the other end of the spectrum, a ‘70 USAFA grad and retired from the Lockheed F-35 Program. Had a 30 year military career, ending at 0-6 but had a shot at O-7. I’m so impressed with navyafgirl, for reaching out on this Forum and asking for advice in enough time to make an informed decision.

By far the best advice I see here is to talk to recent grads and JOs that she trusts. They will be her biggest assets, and supporters. Stay away from those who think being at the Zoo is just the greatest thing ever, but never trudged to class frozen during the Dark Ages. My time at the Academy, good and bad, is a mere blip in my life. Same with the first 5 years on AD. More important to me is the actual journey of my life after the Academy, both military and civilian. I found that being from the Academy was far more advantageous than being at the Academy. Someone on here called it the Golden Ticket. Like it or not, that’s true. But it’s also true at many other schools and professions.

I’m sure you’ve been told about sophomore year at any place. It stinks. What is your plan B? If you could envision a place, school, location, job or environment that you believe would make you happy, what would that look like? Where would that be? I think if you research those questions, you’ll find your answer. Lastly, wherever you go, there you are, right? Be true to the person you are. If you’ve got your stuff together as a 3rd semester Academy student, you’ll do just fine wherever you go. Best of Luck!
 
navyafgirl said:
Thank you so much everyone, a lot of this has really good questions and content to think about. I think the biggest thing would be getting my parents on board since they think this is the best thing I have going for me. Of course my mom does not know what it’s like to go here, so I have to take what she says with a grain of salt even though I really do value her opinion.
I do need to talk to more people about this and think about it more, but I do feel like right now I have stayed for other people and because I did not know what else I would do, also for financial reasons. So I guess I just have to see what is more worth it to me. Thank you everyone, I love the feedback!
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You are obviously really thinking hard about this. Good for you. Ultimately it is YOUR decision. For YOUR life. One common thing I have noticed that appointees all seem to have in common is very supportive, involved, encouraging parents. Who fostered maturity, growth and forward thinkingness in their children’s lives. So while you may be hesitant to ‘let your parents down’ (for lack of a better description), I would suspect that they will support you whatever you decide.

It will be a shock to them I would guess. While you have been thinking about it for a while, and gotten comfortable with the idea, they haven’t had the time to process the idea. So be patient with them. I would suspect they will come around.

Here is a link to a blog I read about this very subject. Ultimately a mom wants her children to be healthy, happy, productive adults. Don’t make your decision based upon what you think others will think. Someday they won’t even remember....

https://mykidthemid.com/2018/09/17/my-son-voluntarily-left-the-usna-a-mid-moms-story-2/
 
AROTC-dad said:
  1. You may also be thinking about two more years there. Turn that thought around and realize that you are at the halfway point. If you endured these two years, you can do two more and then reap the rewards of being both a graduate and an Air Force Officer.

.
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But isn't it really more than 2 years? If he continues next year, it isn't two more years it is 2 years of school + 5 years of Active + 2 years of inactive reserve.
 
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I dont care much about from where you graduate, but if you commission, at least give a darn. You say you don’t know if you want to be in the military. The issue is much larger. Rest assured, officers who “don’t want to be there” are identified immediately and you will wish you were at ABC Corporation or wherever.
 
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