Dumbest "Boot" Thing Anyone Has Ever Done

Bought a used car offbase in Georgia, 1983.

19 years old - got a sweet 19% interest rate. ("No credit? Don't sweat it!")

Yes, it was a 1979 Ford Pinto. Of course.

Was lucky to sell it a year later for half the purchase price before going to Okinawa.

actually, for the youngsters on here, 19% WAS a sweet interest rate at that time. My home mortgage interest rate then was 18% variable. Figured I better buy before things got worse. I made out better though, selling the house 2 years later at a 33% profit.

I did some dumb things back in the day - but there weren't any security cameras or cell phones back then - so I'm keeping those events to myself. Alcohol consumption may have been involved.
If there is no evidence, it didn't happen.

Ensign story. I was headed to a uniform inspection for summer uniform. I had staged a lint brush, small pair of scissors (for stray threads) and a shoe cloth in the front pax seat of the car. My uniform was impeccable. Hair impeccable. I was allowing plenty of time for the short drive.

I put on older, non-inspection shoes and carried my impeccable white shoes in my hand, planning to change just before I walked to the gym from the car.

I placed the shoes on top of the car while juggling keys and towels. I got in, having placed a towel on the seat and a hand towel around the seat belt to prevent marring of pristine whiteness.

I drove off. I arrived at the gym and prepared to swap shoes. Uh oh.

A car comes careening up, and it’s the female chief from Air Ops, who had seen white female pumps on the side of the road and rescued them. As there were only a handful of women at the Naval Station in those days, it was easy to narrow down whose they might be.

Some feverish attention from the shoe cloth, aided by toothpaste from the chief and spit from me, and shoes were restored.

Not my best story, but the best one for publication here.

Years later, the chief was the Force Master Chief at a 3-star command and I was a LCDR XO. We had forged a professional friendship that day that lasted for years. We also laughed our heads off about it later.

kinnem said:

actually, for the youngsters on here, 19% WAS a sweet interest rate at that time. My home mortgage interest rate then was 18% variable. Figured I better buy before things got worse. I made out better though, selling the house 2 years later at a 33% profit.

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You can see cars purchased with that same interest rate in the barracks parking lot of a brigade just returning from deployment. I just can’t bring myself to make car payments...probably why I’m still driving a 10 year old vehicle.

@-Bull- Good to "hear" your "voice" again. My vehicle is 14 years old with many years to go, I hope, regardless of how bad it looks! I completely understand.

When DS was in high school I ended up doing something I swore I would never do - bought him a new Jeep. He loved it. When deploying to Japan he felt the smart move was to sell it, and I agreed. He offered to sell it to me at first but I told him I had a problem paying for the same vehicle twice. I wish I could have stored it for him, but alas. Now that he's back he's driving a used Miata convertible (she's sweet) which he bought with the proceeds of the sale of the Jeep two years prior. Nice to be an Lt with a little money in your pocket.

The dumbest " Boot" thing I ever saw was performed by one of my platoon leaders when I was a Company Cdr in Korea in the early 80s. This 2LT- (a West Pointer I might add)- was running a range while we were up on the DMZ mission. At some point he sent the platoon that was on the range off to grab chow and he stayed on site by himself at the ammo issue point. He apparently got bored, and decided to see what would happen if you cut an artillery simulator in half and dumped out the charge- ( "would it whistle with no bang"?- The answer BTW to that question is : yes. ). After he did that he decided that he wanted to see how the remaining charge would burn, so he used his knife with a flint to spark the little pile that he had emptied out of the simulator . So he leaned over - and swiped his knife to generate a spark. If you have ever burned off excess Mortar charge bags - you know that it flashes FAST!! This did so right into his face. No eye brows remaining, skin blistered off on his nose, cheeks and jaw and about half his hairline gone . I got there about 5 minutes later when there was no response to several radio calls I had made to the range , took one look- jumped out of my jeep to guard the ASP myself, had my driver race him to the aid station , and when the PSG showed up a few minutes later , I ripped him a new one for thinking that any 2LT and especially this 2LT could be trusted to even breathe on his own . The 2LT in question got the " HUYA" ("Head up your xxx" award given for an incredibly stupid act) at the next Bn Officer's call ; became known as " Flash" amongst the other Officers in the Bn; and a couple years after that had the distinction of getting passed over for CPT (o3) as a result of this and a few other similar acts of distinction.

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Back when I did Leatherneck we had 2ndLts assisting with the training that liked to "cook" arty sims so that they would air burst feet just above your head.

Not the smartest idea if you know how arty sims work, but then again us JOs are not the smartest people.

I'm writing this on behalf of my friend, since I was never technically in the military.

So, it's the late 80s and I'm a college student at Auburn and my buddy is in the Air Guard unit in Montgomery. He's got drill down at Ft Rucker and I am going to meet up with him and his buddies for some fellowship with some of the local young ladies. Well, we strike out with the ladies and while drowning our sorrows, the E4 Mafia decides it would be cool for me to participate in drill weekend with my new friends. There is nothing special on the training calendar, so it will be a perfect time.

First order of business is to find me a uniform. There is one guy my size who they feel comfortable asking. Sgt Santiago. (I'm blonde /blue and fair complexion) Did I mention that Sgt Santiago has a Ranger tab/jump wings and an Air Assault badge? Santiago "rents" me a uniform and swears he will deny it "when you pendejos get caught."

So we fall in to morning formation with brutal hangovers and the CSM has some good news. He has secured some flight time and we're going to Ft Benning for the day. We are skids up in one hour. I'm stoked, but my buddy doesn't look so good.

So my buddy takes me to meet the Lt and the story is that I'm in a unit up in the northern part of the state and want to transfer to their unit. The Lt blows us off and says he will talk to me later. We load up on the helos and off we go. I'm feeling like LTC Kilgore on the ride up, but my buddy is realizing this might not have been such a great idea. We get there and I make myself busy cleaning up the hangar. We go to chow and come back and I make myself scare, cleaning up and being very busy.

Santiago.
Santiago!
SANTIAGO!
Oh ****, that's me. "Yes Sir, Lieutenant!"
"Come with me. The CSM wants to talk to you."
My buddy is ghastly pale.
While we're walking and shooting the bull -"You know, you don't really look like a Santiago."
"Puerto Rican on my father's side, Sir."

Well, we get to the office and it's show time. Now, my father was retired Army and I was actually born at Ft Benning. I grew up in American Legions and VFWs (another story entirely). I knock loudly and am bellowed in by the CSM, who is grizzled and exactly how you would imagine.

"At ease, Sgt. The Lt tells me you're looking to transfer into our unit."
Yes, Sergeant Major.
"I watched you this morning. You outworked every peckerwood I got in this unit. We could use a few more just like you. Be damn glad to have you. Get with the Lieutenant and he'll get you squared away with the paperwork. Dismissed."

I walk back to the hangar and my buddy is about to die. I tell him it's all good and he is in shock. We finish up the day and fly back to Rucker. Final formation and that's it. Home free. Well, I pulled off attention, at ease, parade rest. Saluted all day. But about face got me. I turned the wrong way. I was in the back, so I got a couple of weird looks. We got the hell out of there and Sgt Santiago had a family emergency and wasn't able to make it the next day and that was it.

My buddy told me that the CSM asked about me a couple of times afterwards and wanted to know when I was transferring. My buddy eventually went active duty, became a WO4 and flew dignitaries in both fixed and rotary wing. I eventually became a productive member of society.

Would flying a super high-performance jet down the main street of a very rural "northern tier " town, at 300 feet, nearly supersonic, at sunrise, going from east to west with the rising sun at your six...constitute a dumb "boot" (or young lieutenant) move?

Asking for a friend.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83

flieger83 said:

Would flying a super high-performance jet down the main street of a very rural "northern tier " town, at 300 feet, nearly supersonic, at sunrise, going from east to west with the rising sun at your six...constitute a dumb "boot" (or young lieutenant) move?

Asking for a friend.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83

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I think John Belushi did that down a street in LA in a prop plane. in some comedy movie years ago. Given that, I think you can tell your "friend" yes, that's a dumb boot thing!

You (or your friend) can only do it as a boot, maybe once, and get a professionally survivable prime-grade gluteus max-chewing, once, depending on what else is going on in the world...and whose windows are rattled.

Capt MJ said:

You (or your friend) can only do it as a boot, maybe once, and get a professionally survivable prime-grade gluteus max-chewing, once, depending on what else is going on in the world...and whose windows are rattled.

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Quoting myself - but my insight is based on being married to someone who might have taken a cousin of the aforementioned high-performance jet under a bridge located in a Bay on the West Coast. As a bonehead JO.
He never told me. I heard about it from his former skipper some years later.

Capt MJ said:

You (or your friend) can only do it as a boot, maybe once, and get a professionally survivable prime-grade gluteus max-chewing, once, depending on what else is going on in the world...and whose windows are rattled.

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"Rumor has it" that it woke the little berg up...and the mayor was hoping mad!!

He got on the phone and royally chewed out the ANG commander and blamed it on one of his fancy jets!!

"Did you get a picture?"

"NO! It was moving WAY too fast...."

I did, just by chance, happen to get called into the commander's office to hear about this though, they were looking for a guilty party...he looked at me..."Steve....you wouldn't....I mean...you....NO...you're not THAT dumb. Get outta my office."

While it was a pretty dumb thing to do, I don't think they ever figured out who did it.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83