CmeB45
Member
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2019
- Messages
- 23
Let me share our journey, and I hope future candidate parents see some nuggets of wisdom they can tuck away and some encouragements they can bestow upon their child.
We are a single parent home. We have no military background in our immediate little family. I was widowed when my son was 7 and my daughter 6. It has just been me as the guiding influence in his life and some well loved and respected friends and teachers who shaped who he is today. He keeps a small tight circle of friends and plays all his cards close to the vest.
He went through all the typical career choices as a child... A fireman a fire truck, a police officer, spiderman and one intense 6 month period as an aspiring dinosaur wrangler (insisted we call him by his first name followed by saurus from 4-4.5 years old...) A marine biologist and a CIA agent, he even spoke about the military. His father and I were both first responders, so service was not out of the question or a surprising path, but not talked about often. In high school he started developing an interest in foreign policy and languages. By the summer of his junior year he asked to spend the summer in a country he didn't speak the language to learn about the culture and language. He chose Japan and this year Korea.
In the beginning of October he told me he was interested in serving in the military and was looking at the SA route. Ok... This is news to me. Keep a poker face. Take a deep (but not too deep that it looks like a sigh or a gasp) breathe. You go this. Give him a hug and say. Great! I love you and will support you on this journey. Lets see how to start.
My concern - He was soooo late to the game. Everyone else we asked stared so long before. He had missed practice and he was setting himself up for disappointment. Oh boy did I underestimate this kid!
On October 19th 2018 he started the process of applying for the 3 Service Academies. 1st choice USMA followed by USAFA and then USNA.
10/20 Apps started - All 3 (lord give me strength)
11/15 Applications to all nomination sources (I have a master degree in Forensics and it was still confusing to me)
11/29 Nominations to USNA and USAFA submitted by our congressman (Phew. Senators and VP noms requested but not offered)
12/04 Nominations to USMA x 2 submitted by our congressman (Wow, not bad for a city kid)
Between 11/26 - 02/28 was a whirl of recommendation letters, statements and interviews, BGO, ALO, RC, CFA tests, exams, earning varsity letters, and keeping his grades up. Emails with admissions and checking and double checking his apps.
I was on the sideline watching and all I could see was a spark of determination and motivation I had never seen in this once quiet, reserved, go with the flow kid. He was showing organization skills, co-ordination skills, asking intelligent and focused questions and working backward from his 'end goal' to his origination path. What did he need to do to get to where he was going? I was impressed.
He submitted everything got all his check marks and completed boxes. Letters that he was 3Q followed.
Later he asked me to read his essay's (after submission) I bawled my eyes out when he spoke of the loss of his father at 7 and how that made him embrace change and the unexpected later on in his early teens.
I smiled when he spoke about his personal experience learning to be 'independent' moving to NYC and becoming a city kid at 8 (we had previously lived in upstate NY - practically in Canada if we floated too long in Lake Ontario we would need passports to get back). - If only he knew that I followed behind him at a respectable distance all the way to school in the 3rd grade like a stalker so he could go to school across manhattan on the subway and crosstown bus 'by himself'... His 3rd grade teacher caught me stalking him and took over second term watch so I could stop worrying - he took the same route to work. My justification - It was NYC and he was in the 3rd grade... I was allowed to be a stalker mom.
I cried again when he spoke of taking a call from his little sister (11 months younger) at 3am when a friend of hers was talking about suicide and how he stayed on the phone with her while they talked the friend down together - (every indication up until then of their relationship suggested they tolerated each other as siblings barely do, but 'stay out of my room' and 'mom he/she wont let me have or do ____' were daily exchanges in our house between them) I didn't know about the incident until later when my daughter told me and she never mentioned that her brother was on the call calmly talking them through it. Reading his account showed me he was thoughtful and a critical thinker.
And I beamed with pride when he spoke about spending the summer in a foreign country by himself at 17 without knowing the language or a single person and that he proved to me that he was mature and able to do this on his own. I smiled inside knowing that he confessed to me that he used 'pokemon go' as his own version of google maps and I was mortified that he was relying on a game to navigate Tokyo... but it was erased when he hugged me and said it was the most amazing experience of his life. He didn't include the part about pokemon go in his essay....
I was blown away by his thorough and thoughtful response to diversity and leadership. Glad and relieved that in a text based world when we have to wrestle words out of our kids or text them to get a response, I can honestly say I am proud of who he is becoming and the way he treats and interacts with his peers.
But what I am most proud of is the initiative and maturity to handle this entire process. As adults it is daunting. We want to jump in a protect them. We say things like - Don't let them get hurt. How dare you judge my child. You don't know my kid... yet their entire future is in someone else's hands. And know this parents. It is not anything you can control or change. This is between your child and the Service Academy. Let go. Trust the process. Be there with unconditional love, support and encouragement. But let them own this. For almost 18 years you called the shots. They were watching you. They were learning lessons from you. Let them apply those lessons now.
It is a blow to the ego to face this much scrutiny. And he is handling it like a champ.
I, on the other hand, feel like I need therapy. The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster I didn't buy a ticket to ride on. But I got off the ride smiling and ready to go again if my kid wants to.
Today he is moving toward his plan B - USAFA Prep. He is QNS (but stacked if one drops out he could get a call - but maybe not) for USMA and Turned down by USNA.
And what have I learned? So much. Love, support and encourage. But let this be their process. Let them ask questions and find their own answers. And if you help them find the answer, make sure they were part of the process. Don't do it for them. They are going into a college environment that few get the honor to enter. It has to be all on them. It needs to be their journey.
But I know that he is always going to be my first born. The first one to hear my heart beat from the inside. The one who gave me the title 'mom' I know I will always worry, and hope he makes the right choices. But he showed me that I did ok. This journey is just as much about him growing into the man he will become as it is about me trusting that he was raised to carry through with any dream he puts his mind to. No one will take that nugget of knowledge away from me. I own it.
So parents, trust your kids. Trust them to make this journey. Trust that you did an amazing job to get them to where they are today. Be proud. We made it past the terrible two's, teenage attitudes and lord knows the SA process. Bask in their glow. Only they can keep it burning.
He turned 18 less than 3 weeks ago. I now have officially raised an adult. OMG. Saying that out loud blows my mind.
But he still asked me to rip a band aid off his hairy leg this morning... They will always need us. All is not lost because they grew up... There will alway be a hairy leg and a scary band aid.
Congrats to all who made it in this round. Congrats to those who survived to go another round. You got this. And hugs to all the parents who now need a drink, therapy, and sleep. We are all connected through this unique little community. Thank you all for your encouragement and support of my DS. I have watched from a distance. He has been lucky to have so much good advice and support.
@DrMom @BlueLivesMatter and some others he has reached out to privately. Thank you for letting him ask you questions so he could get another perspective. I am grateful for your support, encouragement and guidance for a kid you don't know. You will be a small but very significant part of the man he becomes tomorrow.
Love a grateful mom.
We are a single parent home. We have no military background in our immediate little family. I was widowed when my son was 7 and my daughter 6. It has just been me as the guiding influence in his life and some well loved and respected friends and teachers who shaped who he is today. He keeps a small tight circle of friends and plays all his cards close to the vest.
He went through all the typical career choices as a child... A fireman a fire truck, a police officer, spiderman and one intense 6 month period as an aspiring dinosaur wrangler (insisted we call him by his first name followed by saurus from 4-4.5 years old...) A marine biologist and a CIA agent, he even spoke about the military. His father and I were both first responders, so service was not out of the question or a surprising path, but not talked about often. In high school he started developing an interest in foreign policy and languages. By the summer of his junior year he asked to spend the summer in a country he didn't speak the language to learn about the culture and language. He chose Japan and this year Korea.
In the beginning of October he told me he was interested in serving in the military and was looking at the SA route. Ok... This is news to me. Keep a poker face. Take a deep (but not too deep that it looks like a sigh or a gasp) breathe. You go this. Give him a hug and say. Great! I love you and will support you on this journey. Lets see how to start.
My concern - He was soooo late to the game. Everyone else we asked stared so long before. He had missed practice and he was setting himself up for disappointment. Oh boy did I underestimate this kid!
On October 19th 2018 he started the process of applying for the 3 Service Academies. 1st choice USMA followed by USAFA and then USNA.
10/20 Apps started - All 3 (lord give me strength)
11/15 Applications to all nomination sources (I have a master degree in Forensics and it was still confusing to me)
11/29 Nominations to USNA and USAFA submitted by our congressman (Phew. Senators and VP noms requested but not offered)
12/04 Nominations to USMA x 2 submitted by our congressman (Wow, not bad for a city kid)
Between 11/26 - 02/28 was a whirl of recommendation letters, statements and interviews, BGO, ALO, RC, CFA tests, exams, earning varsity letters, and keeping his grades up. Emails with admissions and checking and double checking his apps.
I was on the sideline watching and all I could see was a spark of determination and motivation I had never seen in this once quiet, reserved, go with the flow kid. He was showing organization skills, co-ordination skills, asking intelligent and focused questions and working backward from his 'end goal' to his origination path. What did he need to do to get to where he was going? I was impressed.
He submitted everything got all his check marks and completed boxes. Letters that he was 3Q followed.
Later he asked me to read his essay's (after submission) I bawled my eyes out when he spoke of the loss of his father at 7 and how that made him embrace change and the unexpected later on in his early teens.
I smiled when he spoke about his personal experience learning to be 'independent' moving to NYC and becoming a city kid at 8 (we had previously lived in upstate NY - practically in Canada if we floated too long in Lake Ontario we would need passports to get back). - If only he knew that I followed behind him at a respectable distance all the way to school in the 3rd grade like a stalker so he could go to school across manhattan on the subway and crosstown bus 'by himself'... His 3rd grade teacher caught me stalking him and took over second term watch so I could stop worrying - he took the same route to work. My justification - It was NYC and he was in the 3rd grade... I was allowed to be a stalker mom.
I cried again when he spoke of taking a call from his little sister (11 months younger) at 3am when a friend of hers was talking about suicide and how he stayed on the phone with her while they talked the friend down together - (every indication up until then of their relationship suggested they tolerated each other as siblings barely do, but 'stay out of my room' and 'mom he/she wont let me have or do ____' were daily exchanges in our house between them) I didn't know about the incident until later when my daughter told me and she never mentioned that her brother was on the call calmly talking them through it. Reading his account showed me he was thoughtful and a critical thinker.
And I beamed with pride when he spoke about spending the summer in a foreign country by himself at 17 without knowing the language or a single person and that he proved to me that he was mature and able to do this on his own. I smiled inside knowing that he confessed to me that he used 'pokemon go' as his own version of google maps and I was mortified that he was relying on a game to navigate Tokyo... but it was erased when he hugged me and said it was the most amazing experience of his life. He didn't include the part about pokemon go in his essay....
I was blown away by his thorough and thoughtful response to diversity and leadership. Glad and relieved that in a text based world when we have to wrestle words out of our kids or text them to get a response, I can honestly say I am proud of who he is becoming and the way he treats and interacts with his peers.
But what I am most proud of is the initiative and maturity to handle this entire process. As adults it is daunting. We want to jump in a protect them. We say things like - Don't let them get hurt. How dare you judge my child. You don't know my kid... yet their entire future is in someone else's hands. And know this parents. It is not anything you can control or change. This is between your child and the Service Academy. Let go. Trust the process. Be there with unconditional love, support and encouragement. But let them own this. For almost 18 years you called the shots. They were watching you. They were learning lessons from you. Let them apply those lessons now.
It is a blow to the ego to face this much scrutiny. And he is handling it like a champ.
I, on the other hand, feel like I need therapy. The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster I didn't buy a ticket to ride on. But I got off the ride smiling and ready to go again if my kid wants to.
Today he is moving toward his plan B - USAFA Prep. He is QNS (but stacked if one drops out he could get a call - but maybe not) for USMA and Turned down by USNA.
And what have I learned? So much. Love, support and encourage. But let this be their process. Let them ask questions and find their own answers. And if you help them find the answer, make sure they were part of the process. Don't do it for them. They are going into a college environment that few get the honor to enter. It has to be all on them. It needs to be their journey.
But I know that he is always going to be my first born. The first one to hear my heart beat from the inside. The one who gave me the title 'mom' I know I will always worry, and hope he makes the right choices. But he showed me that I did ok. This journey is just as much about him growing into the man he will become as it is about me trusting that he was raised to carry through with any dream he puts his mind to. No one will take that nugget of knowledge away from me. I own it.
So parents, trust your kids. Trust them to make this journey. Trust that you did an amazing job to get them to where they are today. Be proud. We made it past the terrible two's, teenage attitudes and lord knows the SA process. Bask in their glow. Only they can keep it burning.
He turned 18 less than 3 weeks ago. I now have officially raised an adult. OMG. Saying that out loud blows my mind.
But he still asked me to rip a band aid off his hairy leg this morning... They will always need us. All is not lost because they grew up... There will alway be a hairy leg and a scary band aid.
Congrats to all who made it in this round. Congrats to those who survived to go another round. You got this. And hugs to all the parents who now need a drink, therapy, and sleep. We are all connected through this unique little community. Thank you all for your encouragement and support of my DS. I have watched from a distance. He has been lucky to have so much good advice and support.
@DrMom @BlueLivesMatter and some others he has reached out to privately. Thank you for letting him ask you questions so he could get another perspective. I am grateful for your support, encouragement and guidance for a kid you don't know. You will be a small but very significant part of the man he becomes tomorrow.
Love a grateful mom.
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He needed this to be his journey. I watched every step of the way. But had to sit on my hands to and close my mouth sometimes. 
