A few questions about mail?

libbyJade

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Jun 27, 2019
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Hello! I'm the nervous girlfriend of a class of 2023 member and I have a few questions.

I know that getting mail is important, and I've already started writing letters and collecting cards to send. Can he get too much mail? I've read on here that you don't really want to 'stand out' for things, but I'm not sure if that includes mail? Also, beside avoiding anything that would make him worry about anything, are there any subjects that I should avoid? What kind of things would be good to send if I sent a little care package? Will he actually have time to write back, or is that a big no? Just trying to manage my own expectations.

I wasn't able to come with him and his family today, because I had orientation at my own school this week in California. I talked to him early this morning though, and his parents invited me to come to Parents Weekend with them, so I'm looking forward to seeing him then. I know he will rarely get time to call, and I told him to use the time he gets to call his mom, but I know I'll hear from him at some point. Is there anything else I should do or not do to make this easier for him?

Thank you for any suggestions or advice.
 
Yes!! There are things you can do to be supportive! Writing is perfect. I would recommend support and encouragement, vs how much you miss him, etc. How proud you are, etc. My guy really loved getting pictures. He put them on his board. Of their prom, time together, etc. We would weigh the envelope to make sure to not be overweight (ahem...this is important! He wasn’t receiving his gf’s letters. Kept writing asking why she wasn’t writing. Turns out hers were overweight, and took a good 4 weeks to get returned back to her).

Not sure if you are close to his parents, but DS would write letters that were for ALL of us to share, and also ones for gf’s eyes only. He stuffed them both in the same envelope to save time. And I would get gf’s to her. Another big time saver, was she would come to our house during phone calls, we would all do the speaker phone thing, for the general “everyone info” and then she would take the phone downstairs for the last 10 minutes or so. So those are some ways to manage the logistics of the calls and letters home.

He will have limited time to read letters. He may not be able to read them all at once. People have recommended numbering them so he will have proper order when he can read. Yes he will have limited time to write. Sometimes more than other times. The letter sharing I suggested was very helpful.

It’s all hard on the gf too!! I know last year there was a support chat group for the gf’s. Not sure if it’s still active, or if it was specific to the class. My guy and his girl are still going strong!! She travelled with us to parents weekend, and a couple trips out over the year. Best pick me up’s he had.
 
hey! my daughter is in the same shoes, and my son was a plebe last year, so she is all about packages and letters. i am sure she would be happy to connect with you to share tips and experiences. i think you need about 5 posts to send a private message, and if you are interested, please PM me and i will connect you
 
Mail is good. No, mail is great! Doesn’t need to be long or serious. Can be short, light, fun, pithy. They just want to know you’re thinking about them. And they want to know what’s going on at home, no matter how seemingly trivial.

As for care packages, I’ve heard that some can be over the top. Sure, plebe summer is hard. But it’s not like they’re enduring a hellish prison camp in Siberia. They’re well fed and well cared for. So no need to send them every creature comfort and every culinary delight that they might miss from home. Just make sure there’s enough for them to share.
 
Mail is good. No, mail is great! Doesn’t need to be long or serious. Can be short, light, fun, pithy. They just want to know you’re thinking about them. And they want to know what’s going on at home, no matter how seemingly trivial.

As for care packages, I’ve heard that some can be over the top. Sure, plebe summer is hard. But it’s not like they’re enduring a hellish prison camp in Siberia. They’re well fed and well cared for. So no need to send them every creature comfort and every culinary delight that they might miss from home. Just make sure there’s enough for them to share.

To expand upon that a little bit: DS told us to stop sending stuff. They don’t have room to store it all. Allowable consumables are wonderful! And that allowable part is sometimes company dependent. DS never had anything confiscated as contraband, I have read that can happen. The post office has free boxes that are good sized and priced well for mailing.

I would also recommend nothing crazy like glitter in the envelopes, stickers on the outside or hearts of “I love you” kind of stuff. Seems an obvious ‘no’ to me, but I’m a mom.
 
A lot of good comments from Parents, here's one from someone that has been there - done that. My wife was in your shoes 38 years ago. I still think I have a tin of letters down in my basement (Reminder to self; destroy them sometime before I pass...not sure I want my kids to read them, but might be fun for wife and I to go back and read them together).

First, be supportive and understanding ....this is a new world for him, and for you. Right now he's drinking through a fire hose, has a lot on his mind, and you may not be the #1 priority. Keep your letters light and positive, don't add to his burden by unloading all of your worries.

He will have plenty of time to read your letters...might be in the dark , after Taps, but he will figure that one out. However, he will not have time to write much...at least until things settle down into a routine. Don't worry if you don't hear from him for a while. Things will change after Plebe Summer, and you will be able to communicate more frequently...but again, keep it short and sweet.

With respect to how much is too much, and drawing attention ... there is no easy answer. One letter laden with perfume (do people still do that ?) or lots of heart stickers will draw attention (from both Detailers and Classmates), and there is likely to be some ribbing. My wife and I wrote almost daily (at least during Academic years -- frankly, I remember very little of Plebe Summer!), and it was never an issue.

We always kept a countdown until the next time we would be together.... as a Plebe is was often measured in months and got down to almost weekly my First Class year. Her parents were very supportive, and brought her down several times over the years.

Best of Luck to you.. and your Plebe.
 
@old navy, this is such a sweet post!! So are y’all a 2%’er then?? A pretty elite club! The only ‘sharing’ DS and I have really done about all this, is that he was told to NOT marry in the chapel, as the divorce rate is very high. I, as mom, dream about a USNA chapel wedding someday [emoji572]️[emoji170]....
 
Just remember that plebe summer is only a few weeks long. Once the academic years starts, things will be different. Keep the letters light, funny and supportive and be careful not to add to his stress.
 
I've tried to ask this and haven't gotten answers or opinions, so I'll ask it here. DS has 2 older brothers (just out of college) whom he is very close to - but they are older brothers and have been good-naturedly busting his chops all his life. They are extremely proud of him. But they've hatched this mail plan that I'm wondering needs to be nipped in the bud. About 3 months ago, they all rented "Annapolis" - the movie staring James Franco. It was laughably bad. So the oldest brothers have ordered a box of 40 empty DVD cases and have made jacket inserts of "Annapolis" for each one. They plan on sending DS a copy every day during PS with a short (and encouraging) note in each - no disc, just a note. They think it will be funny. I'm concerned that it may result in unwelcome attention. I would like to get more seasoned folks thoughts. I don't want to spoil the party but I want to help them with reality boundaries (but they may do it anyway - that's who they are).
 
I’m interested also in veteran opinions.

Mine is no. A hard no. But that’s me. Detailers are working super hard and I wouldn’t do it just for the reason that they will be hot and tired, and this MAY get annoying to them. They have to haul everything. I would ask the brothers to respect that this isn’t the time or place for that. But that’s me. Maybe its funny.
 
So the oldest brothers have ordered a box of 40 empty DVD cases

And what is DS going to do with all those boxes? A cute idea...but probably not at N*ot College. Suggest they rethink it. DS will need a pick-me-up, not a pain-in-the-butt.
 
@old navy, this is such a sweet post!! So are y’all a 2%’er then?? A pretty elite club! The only ‘sharing’ DS and I have really done about all this, is that he was told to NOT marry in the chapel, as the divorce rate is very high. I, as mom, dream about a USNA chapel wedding someday [emoji572]️[emoji170]....

It’s not the Chapel venue, it’s the time interval between graduation and wedding. Shorter the interval, higher chance of divorce within 1-2 years. They need to graduate, learn how to live on their own, find out who they are as a JO in their first assignment, and “date like normal people,” unconstrained by Academy rules and environment. Sad to say, almost every one of our sponsor mids who got married to another mid or civilian within 6 months of graduation was divorced within 2 years. Anecdotal, I know, but that is 26 divorces, as I think back. They are often referred to, sadly, as “starter marriages.” Even the chaplains counsel to wait at least 6 months to a year, even if they have been dating “forever.” The BF or GF needs to experience the new rhythms of dating someone in flight school, TBS, already on their ship, or moving from nuke school to reactor to sub school within a two-year period, far different than seeing someone on scheduled breaks at a SA. Some long-time couples do make it. We have had two couples who dated prior to USNA who are still married 10-15 years later. We have sponsored 4-5 mids since the late 90’s, so that’s the sample size. Or maybe it’s who their sponsor is...
 
Even the chaplains counsel to wait at least 6 months to a year, even if they have been dating “forever.
-- Ooops... we waited 10 days, in order to have the wedding at my Wife's home. (Incidentally, we hung around Annapolis/Baltimore area for a few days after graduation to attend a Companymates's wedding in Baltimore the Saturday after graduation. He's still married after a long successful Navy career, and I like to joke with him at Reunions about he and his wife being the only couple I know married longer than us).


I, as mom, dream about a USNA chapel wedding someday
> The chapel wedding makes for great pictures , but logistically very difficult if you are not from the area. In addition, they literally start the weddings a few hours after graduation, and have "pushers" to get you out of the Chapel in time for the next wedding. I think they schedule weddings on the hour. This was way too impersonal for my wife, so we got married at her home church. (As for me, I was happy to be getting away from Annapolis at that point).
 
It’s not the Chapel venue, it’s the time interval between graduation and wedding. Shorter the interval, higher chance of divorce within 1-2 years. They need to graduate, learn how to live on their own, find out who they are as a JO in their first assignment, and “date like normal people,” unconstrained by Academy rules and environment. Sad to say, almost every one of our sponsor mids who got married to another mid or civilian within 6 months of graduation was divorced within 2 years. Anecdotal, I know, but that is 26 divorces, as I think back. They are often referred to, sadly, as “starter marriages.” Even the chaplains counsel to wait at least 6 months to a year, even if they have been dating “forever.” The BF or GF needs to experience the new rhythms of dating someone in flight school, TBS, already on their ship, or moving from nuke school to reactor to sub school within a two-year period, far different than seeing someone on scheduled breaks at a SA. Some long-time couples do make it. We have had two couples who dated prior to USNA who are still married 10-15 years later. We have sponsored 4-5 mids since the late 90’s, so that’s the sample size. Or maybe it’s who their sponsor is...

That’s a great perspective. Makes a lot of sense! I may be pulling from this sage advice someday. You are such a great life coach!
 
They plan on sending DS a copy every day during PS with a short (and encouraging) note in each - no disc, just a note. They think it will be funny. I'm concerned that it may result in unwelcome attention. I would like to get more seasoned folks thoughts. I don't want to spoil the party but I want to help them with reality boundaries (but they may do it anyway - that's who they are).

How well it would go over depends alot on DS psyche. Detailers would certainly notice, and if DS is adjusting well, might give him a little cr@p, but frankly really wouldn't care. It's not the first time that (so called) friends tried to mess with their buddy during Plebe Summer. On the other hand, if DS is the vulnerable type or is having trouble adjusting, it could be used against him.

Personally, I really don't think the idea is particularly funny, but that is more a reflection on the persons sending the mail than the Plebe. Maybe once would be cute, but beyond that is seems dumb. I don't know anybody who thought of that movie as reasonable depiction of life at USNA. I don't recall specifics, but recall it being blah.
 
How well it would go over depends alot on DS psyche. Detailers would certainly notice, and if DS is adjusting well, might give him a little cr@p, but frankly really wouldn't care. It's not the first time that (so called) friends tried to mess with their buddy during Plebe Summer. On the other hand, if DS is the vulnerable type or is having trouble adjusting, it could be used against him.

Personally, I really don't think the idea is particularly funny, but that is more a reflection on the persons sending the mail than the Plebe. Maybe once would be cute, but beyond that is seems dumb. I don't know anybody who thought of that movie as reasonable depiction of life at USNA. I don't recall specifics, but recall it being blah.

Thanks. Trying to arm myself to put the kibosh on this stupid plan. These are not friends- they are older brothers with unshakable bonds. But warped senses of humor. But I may have little influence.
 
If they could wait until academic year starts, the real grind, when the “fun” of PS is over, that might be a kick in the pants.

No way to predict how these appearing during PS might play if it became commonly known.

Or - the Brothers Dersdad could get more creative and make other jackets from the hundreds of vintage and modern films out there - Top Gun, Crimson Tide, Pearl Harbor, Winds of War, U-571, Mister Roberts, Hunt for Red October, Tora Tora Tora, Heartbreak Ridge, and many more - which would be more interesting, less provoking than Annapolis the movie, and still be a vehicle for morale notes. That might become a “cool thing.” If DS’s tiny face was photoshopped into the “starring” spot...

Just my two cents from the fence here.
 
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Mail is good. No, mail is great! As for care packages, I’ve heard that some can be over the top. Sure, plebe summer is hard. But it’s not like they’re enduring a hellish prison camp in Siberia. They’re well fed and well cared for. So no need to send them every creature comfort and every culinary delight that they might miss from home.

+1 for this! It's Annapolis not Paris Island and between the photos, the packages, the food and the need to communicate everything it begins to resemble LIKE college more than NOT college every year. Sorry to sound like the village cynic here but this is only a just a transitional period..it's meant to be hard and even at that, it's not THAT hard. It's a military school!
 
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