Reflections

I have been a long-time lurker and have found theses forums to be invaluable since my child began the application process. I'm only posting now because of how our situation has ended.

From the beginning, I was taken by surprise that my child even wanted to go to the Academy. It just didn't seem like a "good fit", and several times last fall I wanted to start a thread to see if I was the only parent out there who felt like this was all-wrong for my child. It seemed like my child was more motivated for the wrong reasons rather than truly wanting a military college experience that would lead to a military career. Many times my child would even say that the lifestyle at the Academy was dreadful and would probably be hated, but at least there would be a guaranteed career at the end.

As the process went on, and we tended to Plans B, C, and D, it became clearer to me that those alternative plans were far more exciting for my child than the Plan A of the Academy. And I believe my child started to see that as well, as gradually plans B, C, and D were now tied with Plan A. By late winter, plan A started to fade in the background.

When an the Appointment offer came, my child immediately knew that this was no longer wanted. While we were not surprised, we were still very upset because the opportunity that was going to be declined was so great. The thought of what was once Plan A was now looked upon as a definite No, and it still makes me sad. Which is strange because all along I never thought it was right. I'm not sure why I get so emotional over this. The good part is that the offer will now go to somebody who wants this so badly that he/she will feel they won the lottery once given the opportunity.

There are so many things I wish we could go back and change. Looking forward, I hope that my child does not regret this decision. I hope we don't hope we don't spend our lives wondering what could have been.. Time will tell, but in the meantime, we are excited for my child's future. Great opportunities await, and there are bound to be some that are much better suited for my child.

I share all this as a cautionary tale. I It would be wise to really figure out the motivations of your children before going through this process. I have known families whose children ultimately drop out of a service academy and they all seem to have one theme in common - they never wanted it for the right reasons. I believe that vast majority of applicants really want this. But many don't. Or maybe they really do want to be an Officer in the military but would be much better suited for ROTC. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But leave the Academy opportunities for those who really want it.

My sincere wish for the Class of 2026 - seize this opportunity. Great things await you. For those pursuing other avenues - just having gotten this far shows you have a lot of grit and fortitude. You will be successful in anything you pursue.

I hope this does not come off as a snarky reply. But I have spent years talking some future on line forum pre enlisted types from trying to get their parents support as far as joining.

“There are so many things I wish we could go back and change”

Like what? It was never your decision to make. It was never a we decision to make.

You were not going to have to survive the very tough often unpleasant life of a SA student. You were never going to have to make the possible combat deployments after.

You were not the one who might come home in a body bag after one of those deployments combat or training kind of deployments.

And you have no idea why other students left a SA before graduating. You are just guessing why.

Good for your C for making the best decision for them. Good for them and I hope the best for them and your future grandkids..

As a combat vet I fully understand why my combat vet father was no fan and totally against and unsupportive of my military decisions and choices. But they were my decisions to make not his.

I will support my C and GC decisions as far as the military. I just hope I never suggest they should .

I always assume parents who are so supportive and so encouraging of their kids joining the military have never felt the often mentioned elephant on their chest themselves.

Enlisting or taking a commission should be 100% one persons decision.

Good Luck

I'm lucky to have one parent very supportive and one not so much.

My father was an officer in the air force. We're proud air force with( when I commission) me being 4th generation. As the oldest, I was always encouraged to explore the military. See what was out there. I fell in love with flying and I enjoy serving. With those noted, I did feel pressure to go military. I've always had that hand on my back adding that little extra force to try it out. Now thankfully I agreed with the direction. About junior I felt that hand leave. It was made very clear to me that I did this process by myself.

Durning the application process my father never spoke about the application unless I brought it up. Besides the "hey hope it's going well" or "oh I remember you saying you did the practice CFA how'd that go" He wasn't very pushy about anything. I learned and did the process my self. I came to him verse him pushing me for information.

As someone who was taught to drive by him pulling over on the side of the road and being told we're not moving til I drive this was new . I could tell he wanted me to go air force and wanted me to go USAFA. It was never his dream though. It was mine. He never wanted to go usafa, he was happy with OTS. He let me come to my own conclusions.... Normally the hard way cause that's how I learn!

He knew my career path, he knows the consequences of a bad take of or possibly a risky mission. Been there done that. Yet he still let me come to my own conclusions and my own choices. Once or twice I have questioned wether this was my choice.

For those who's parents either disagree, or too pushy remember it's good to question. It's ok to sit down and really think about it. If you're like me? You came to same answer everytime- I want this, I want this, I want this for me. It's ok to question, just make sure you come to an answer. Once there STICK TO IT.

I understand the OP's thoughts because my DD latched on to the SA path very early and wouldn't let go, to the point where we were worried she hadn't given full consideration to other options. The plan B was pretty half-*ssed to be honest (go to local directional and take 4C courses and then reapply) and she only applied to the one SA she wanted to attend. So while her app looked good, and the fit seemed very good, and when asked she gave the right answers, as she hammered through the process on her own we cheered her on and silently hoped it truly would be a good fit. Well she did make it through the summer, did well during her first academic year and is scheduled to get a face full of pepper spray and be certified on sidearms next week as part of her summer assignment, so it's all good. She found what she was expecting and it was a great fit and she is a great fit for the system, but man it was kind of hard to watch from the parent seats. And the reason it was hard was the flip side of what OP saw: the change that slowly dawned on that candidate might have been missed by my DD.

High school is a time of huge growth for all kids, or at least it should be. Exposure to more people and ideas, increased responsibilities, heavier choices to be faced and the (implied) expectations placed on any kid with the talent/skills/gifts to contemplate an academy make the move on to the next stage really hard. At the same time applications to academies can take forever, and a lot can change while the months roll by. You might be a very different person by the end than you were at the beginning, and it takes a certain level of awareness or maturity to say "You know, I'm not sure this is still for me." So I guess congrats to OP's child for shrugging off the excitement and picking the right path for that moment.

I think the reason there was an unexpected emotional tug was probably the forced realization that more growth was happening. Not just height this time, but substantive change in priorities and agency and confidence. Great news that such a decision could be made, but that infant in the car seat, the t-ball player, the tween with fresh braces, and even the basketball player that finally made varsity are fading away as this new young adult starts casting a longer shadow. Everything starts speeding up even more from here on out, academy or not, and more opportunities will come along and flash past as choices are made. It's time to step back and let them fly, and it's harder than they told you in the baby books. Swing by my house and we'll grill something, have a couple beers and talk about empty nests.

StPaulDad said:

but that infant in the car seat, the t-ball player, the tween with fresh braces, and even the basketball player that finally made varsity are fading away as this new young adult starts casting a longer shadow

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*sniff* ….. damn allergies.... *sniff*

StPaulDad said:

Great news that such a decision could be made, but that infant in the car seat, the t-ball player, the tween with fresh braces, and even the basketball player that finally made varsity are fading away as this new young adult starts casting a longer shadow. Everything starts speeding up even more from here on out, academy or not, and more opportunities will come along and flash past as choices are made. It's time to step back and let them fly, and it's harder than they told you in the baby books. Swing by my house and we'll grill something, have a couple beers and talk about empty nests.

Click to expand...

Have you thought about writing poetry? Well crafted... well crafted, indeed.

My two cents on the thread -- I am going to try and speak from the child and friend POV because I now have two very close friends also going to a SA. (One to WP, and the other to USNA, respectively. It'll make for great banter in 10 years...) Anyways, Junior year rolls around and the school counselor asks each of the parents in for a meeting with the child, and she asks each kid the same question: "What do you want to do after high school?" and I sat silent for second, and then said, "I want to attend a SA!" Both of my parents turned to me and made this exact expression:

Fun times. It was an uphill battle for me. Of course they wanted what was best for me, but they couldnt understand how or why I wanted to attend a SA. I was always dubbed the brainiac by my teachers, friends, and family. I spent much of my childhood running around barefoot like a crazy person, but (on the rare occasions) when I sat down and focused on something, I exceeded expectations. I did math in my free time and played chess, even becoming a master. Everyone was convinced I would grow up to be the next great inventor or something along those lines. So when I didn't answer, "[Insert pretentious school here]" people were in great shock. But to me, there was something about solving problems that actually mattered rather than doing something to make money. I think the people in my community just didnt understand that, and didnt associate a career in the military as "success". Eventually though, everyone has to concede, because if you want it enough, if becoming an officer and attending a SA is your goal, and you take all the right steps to accomplish that... there's a point where people stop trying to influence you and mold you because they see the change first hand. I think its important for friends and family not to be steadfast on the person they used to know. We are the same people, but we've grown up, we've seen the world, or at least, parts of it, and our hopes and dreams have developed. The academies can be tricky, especially when its your kid. Its a dangerous line of work, physically, mentally and emotionally. Often we attach ourselves to the person we used to know, the innocent kid who was all smiles and giggle--we dont want to see them get hurt and we just want them to be happy, but as the saying goes.... if you love someone, set them free. Once a dream reaches the heart, it is there for eternity. No surgery can remove it. This is the point where I think the parent needs to step back as an artist does with their painting, and just appreciate the masterpiece they have created with great pride and confidence.

Im not a parent myself, but I am a friend of other applicants and appointees. And Ive had these kinds of thoughts about them as well. My doubt about their commitment were based on my dreams for them. I wanted them to be safe and happy, but then I thought, what if this is what makes them happy? And when I see that look on their face, when teachers ask them about what schools their are applying to, and the respond with "USNA and USMA" and their face lights up and they say it with excitement and without a care what anyone thinks of their answer... thats when I knew that this was the right path for them. I knew from that point forward, my best mate was in goods hands. None of us were military brats, none of us did JROTC, so it was unexpected when a group of kids all have their heart set on the SAs. Its was a really weird but amazing moment when we all collectively realized that everyone was applying. Its crazy to think about in retrospect, but I think we have all proved to ourselves, and to each other, what it means to us, and it makes me fall asleep a little easier knowing they are happy and doing what they believe in. Maybe I've overanalyzed this, but doubting and critiquing someone is normal, so likewise, accepting and believing in people needs be a norm as well, and thats the part I think we all struggle with.

I'm gonna copy the above and show it to my students next fall...

Very well said!