summer seminar essay feedback

Here is my essay so far. I am applying for the Summer Seminar class for the summer of 2022. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Do you have any personal life experiences where you have overcome adversity or challenges that have shaped you into the person you are today...

The question for my essay was: Do you have any personal life experiences where you have overcome adversity or challenges that have shaped you into the person you are today? I was mostly focused on creating a balance between my personal experience and leadership philosophy. I really wanted to...