Advice for a Frustated Dad Please.

My DD has the scholars offer and now the NROTC scholarship. She is on the other end of the spectrum and is 99% in for CGAS the other 1% is me telling her think about layering her options. She would be all over a direct appointment if it was offered. The stories of kids breaking their ankle coming off the bus on the first day or a few weeks before makes me nervous. I have friends working in the field of her potential study and they ironically have friends and partnerships with some ex coasties. (Didn't know that before yesterday). We are now going to have her talk with our old and new friends to help her decide on the specific disicpline and what will be beneficial for her if she 5 and dives or remains in.
 
F15DOC, I feel for you. We went through something similar with our DD last year, although a little different. She had NROTC scholarship and was accepted to several good engineering schools. She had a favorite school and was pretty much set to go there. Then the USNA offer came and she was on cloud 9. I think she had told herself her chances of getting in were low and was thrilled to be offered an appointment. We urged her to take some time, let that "high" wear off a little and try to make the best decision for her among nothing but great options. We also told her if she didn't want to go military after college she could just go to college and we'd help her as much as we could afford to. Well, she decided to accept the USNA appointment. As HS graduation time came near and I Day seemed a lot more real, she started getting really cold feet. At this point the NROTC scholarship was declined and so were the engineering schools she was accepted to. (see a thread on the SA parents forum about Plan B deposits - we should have done this). With no other options, we urged her to just try USNA - do your best, try hard, get through Plebe summer and take one semester of academics. At that point you should have a pretty good feel for what you are getting into and if you definitely don't want it you are making an informed decision versus a decision made out of fear. Long story short, she is just about to finish up Plebe year and is doing very well. I think breaking it down to a shorter term decision helped her. We figured even if she decided to leave after the first semester she would not have that feeling of never having given it a shot and would leave knowing she tried it and it just wasn't for her.

Now this year we are going through it all again with our DS. He had applied to USNA and just got his TWE last week. He had his heart set on going - more so than we knew until he got declined. But he has a great plan B with a MO ROTC scholarship. He is now trying to decide on schools and is having a real hard time, I think because he wanted USNA.

It's really hard for a 17/18 year old to make a big decision like this and it's also a difficult time for the parents. You must have done a good job as parents and your DS is obviously a talented, hard working young person to even be in this situation. He will do well no matter what route he chooses. My only advise it to make sure he knows he has great options and there is no bad choice here, just don't let fear or anxiety make the decision.
 
My two cents. Back in 1976 I walked away from an offer. If you want, desire some thing no matter what the cost you will chose it. I believe your son does not want to go to any academy. It is not a hard choice if one mind is in agreement. I mean the 4 years at the Academy should not be seen as an obstacle. But rather as a predatory time to prepare one to serve. That what it is all about. It is not me be us. The team is greater than the individual. I know time is running out. But if you convince him this is the best choice. He may be one of those who walk away. He must want this for himself!
 
F15Doc: you have gotten some great responses, not much I can add but I would like to propose a viewpoint that might be helpful for your son to consider adopting...

Don't live life looking in the rearview mirror. Make the best decision with the information you have and move on. You will seldom have all the information you need and decisions are often not black and white. When you get to a impasse, go with your gut.
 
My DD also had "cool feet" as I day got closer, but once she was sworn in she has not looked back & is 30 days away from being a "plebe no more".

One thing I would add is that as we researched different options my DD commented on the size of most State U. It's easier to get sucked into lots of distractions because not everyone at State U will have the same obligations as an ROTC student. A SA is filled with highly motivated, very busy kids and being surrounded by great people helps you to strive to become your best self. I'm not implying this doesn't happen at every university but it's just easier to get lost in the crowd of larger classes & party friends down the hall in the dorm at State U.

I've heard several stories of regret from folks who have passed up an appointment. I have yet to hear a regret story from anyone who accepted the appointment even if they eventually decided the SA was not for them, they still learned from the experience.

Good Luck, sometimes it's tough being a mom or dad and figuring out how to listen without overstepping.
 
It's obvious where he should go to get a better chance to fly any platform.

Here, there are only 300 slots available...tell him to give it up to someone who wants it more.
 
Doc, words can't express how I am feeling for your frustration. Your DS "still" has 10 days left to decide. I suggest leaving the subject off the table this weekend, and go do something that DS enjoys together. Treasure it, because he is leaving the nest. Hopefully years later you and DS will be laughing about the "struggle" today! :)
 
Here are his thoughts on pros and cons:
1) State University AFROTC will be much more fun
2) State University AFROTC will be much less grueling
3) AFROTC graduates with a GPA above 3.2 have a very high likelihood of getting a pilot slot

Terrific advice from people here. I might only add the suggestion of doing additional objective RESEARCH.
  • What is the state school's AFROTC commissioning rate? If low, then find out why. Has he spoken to current AFROTC students there?
  • How prepared is he at the prospect of being denied of pilot slot?
  • How much "fun" does he expect to have as an EE student, especially with the added time commitment of ROTC? STEM majors have been rumored to complain of being buried in studies for 4 or 5 years and missing out on the fun of Sociology and Art History majors.
Good luck. It is unlikely he will make a wrong decision.
 
It's obvious where he should go to get a better chance to fly any platform.

Here, there are only 300 slots available...tell him to give it up to someone who wants it more.
I am not so sure that there are a lot of others that want it more, he is just being very hesitant on that final decision. If he didn't want it I don't think he would be giving it much thought and would have simply declined the USCGA appointment and moved on, but he hasn't done that...
 
Who picks up the incidental expenses + the (4) Year tab for Room & Board at the AFROTC School, You or Him?

I hope it is not you!
 
I went through something similar with my DS last year, when he was still a junior in High School. After years of saying the Coast Guard was all he wanted to do, he told us he was not sure if that is what he wanted to do anymore. This was right after we received an acceptance to AIM. My husband and I are both Coast Guard. My husband has 26 years and I am a CG veteran. We have made sure that we did not PUSH him toward this choice. So then began the talk. I asked him what his reservations were about the Coast Guard. After much discussion, it basically came down to being nervous and scared that he was making the right decision. I told him there would be several things in his life that would be scary decisions - getting married, buying a house, having kids - all of it very scary. I told him not to let the fact that you are scared or nervous about venturing out deter you from choosing what you really want to do. I told him, since he already had an acceptance to AIM, go to the program, check it out and then make a decision if that is what you want to do. I said we would revisit the conversation once he came back from AIM. He came back from AIM so excited and ready for the Coast Guard. Thankfully, he was accepted to the CGAS program this year and he is ecstatic about that.

My point to this whole story is, they get cold feet and they get nervous the closer it gets for them to actually graduate from high school and make a decision. It is easier to stay home at a state school than it is to venture off. I would take LITS and some of the others offers about talking to your son. He may need to hear words of wisdom from someone who has recently went through the experience. I'm sure he thinks like most teenagers, us parents know nothing _ LOL!!
 
You might want to consider looking into the flying career longevity for AF vs. USCG. I have no idea how many flying assignments are typical in the CG. That said, my dad is 46 years old with 24 years in the Air Force and has never had a non-flying assignment. He’s flown 4 days this week, a total of 9 hours in the Viper, and flies again today (he typically averages 2-3 flights a week). He’s popping Motrin like candy Lol, but he’s still living the dream and loving it. If your son wants to fly for the majority of his career, it's possible in the AF (no guarantees of course). Good luck with the decision.
 
Who picks up the incidental expenses + the (4) Year tab for Room & Board at the AFROTC School, You or Him? I hope it is not you!

I am serious! When I see he thinks the AFROTC is more "fun" that tells me you are paying for it.

There are practical economics of either choice will impact you and the rest of the Family.

My kid knew immediately what economically was his best choice for the family: USNA vs. NROTC 4-year? It was simply a no-brainer. It also helped that he wanted USNA even more.
 
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'Cold feet' or hesitation is natural for many appointees. It doesn't mean they don't want it. For many they hope internally and prepare for the no. So the BFE is a shock, dream, reach for a lot. Once it's there they get the 'is this real?' A lot of kids get huge fanfare around an appointment and that also can in some cases create alot of nerves and fear of letting those around them down. I hated the fanfare. I declined a high school presentation, party, fanfare. Read your kid and what is best for them. For many it's the first large adult decision they have ever made.
 
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A lot of kids get huge fanfare around an appointment and that also can in some cases nerves.

This is a good point. Our DD's USNA appointment was a big deal for her HS (first in anyone's memory). Everywhere she went people congratulated her and asked her about USNA. As she was struggling with whether she had made the right decision, all of the fanfare added pressure. Of course all of the fanfare was well-intended, but did add pressure nonetheless. She felt like she may let others down if she chose not to go. We told her "this is a decision you have to make for you".
 
So here is what he confirmed:
1) He wants to serve his country
2) He wants to fly, until recently he wanted to fly fighters.
3) Now he says he wants to pursue rotary (helos) but fixed wing is still an option
4) He wants to join some form of military status during college.

Here is what he has in front of him:
1) Appointment to USCGA
2) Acceptance to his state school of preference (both of his parents alma mater)
3) Full 4 years Air Force ROTC scholarship

Here are his thoughts on pros and cons:
1) State University AFROTC will be much more fun
2) State University AFROTC will be much less grueling
3) AFROTC graduates with a GPA above 3.2 have a very high likelihood of getting a pilot slot
4) USCGA will be very hard on mind, body and soul
5) USCGA has a much better Electrical Engineering Program
6) USCGA graduates that want to enter aviation will nearly all be allowed the opportunity.
7) USCG rotary pilots are considered among the elite of the services and it is very rare to be given an opportunity to transfer from another service aviation to USCG aviation (although it happens)
.

Didn't your son also apply to the AFA? Maybe he is just returning to his original hope of joining the Air Force. While the USCG is probably a great career, it might not be for your son.

My DS went to large state school for aerospace engineering and AFROTC. He had no desire to attend any SA; just the idea of keeping his room neat was completely foreign to him. The engineering curriculum was intense but outside of ROTC (which could also be time consuming) he enjoyed a typical college life. He was also very disciplined to ensure he didn't go afoul of AFROTC regulations (such as under age drinking, or letting his GPA slip).

He also reached his goal - he is now a pilot.

Good luck to you; I suspect the decision process will be more agonizing to you than your son.
 
In the past I expressed this same point and navy Hoops backed me up. With young people it is SOO important not to Humiliate yourself. Try to put yourself in a young person's shoes, everybody makes this Huge Fan fare big send off etc.. off you go to An academy... and then WASH OUT?

Is there anything that could be more humiliating. We are from a small rural community, and I know this weighed heavily on my Sons mind, he was not sure he was Academy material. He is not one of your Straight A over achievers, he got in on a 3.4 GPA 60th in his class. He was very unsure of what the academics would be like.

Guess What...did not bother him a lick to not get straight a's, he was not used to being the biggest fish in the Pond....and he did great, But this is not about him, the real point that is, What if I embarrass myself and my family.....
 
Good points all, hard to know what is really in the heart sometimes, even to those you love and trust we all hold some things close.
I would say that financial is not a decider, he knows that both his parents and grandparents will pay for college, with or without ROTC or any other scholarships. That is not weighing in the decision, we are fortunate that its doable either way. But it does raise a point that the decision would be far easier if that were a player. I worked during college and paid for all of it myself, I know was really proud of that first degree!

I think there has been a lot of fanfare over his appointment, friends and family patting him on the back, and it probably does make him uncomfortable.
He has clearly stated that he really likes the USCG and its mission, no way is he hesitating because of service choice, even though dad has deep USAF ties and he has spent his childhood around the smell of JP8 jet fuel and the sound of the mighty eagle, USAF is not his priority.

I think there is a possibility that he is concerned about possibly failing and being humiliated, he has never failed at anything and deep down he knows he wont fail, but it may be part of the psyche.

I have come to terms with it, all of your wonderful words help, and just a place to vent to like minded has been good for dad!
Last night I had multiple family and friends (who learned of his hesitation to choose) relate their many many experiences of their kids or they themselves not taking a leap or completing something they were talented at (music, sports, trips, colleges, etc) that they would have if their parents would have simply pushed them a bit harder to do it. Guess what, I am going to push him to accept. If he still doesn't then at least I did my part.
Yesterday we were at a nephews wedding reception party, and while chatting with him, I told him he really needs to go to the USCGA, there really isn't a choice. He knows the education is better and the end goal of flying USCG rotary is best served (nearly only served) via USCGA.
Period.
Let that sink in for a day, and see where his head takes him.
I will let you all know, this dad is beginning to think he is going to take it..... (or is that just wishful thinking?)
 
Doc, frankly there is not much sympathy (from me) to your situation.

This 'problem' is simply, self-induced.

DS has no real 'skin in the game' because Mom and Dad are still picking up the Tab no matter what his 'choice' will be.

All DS has to do is show up for 'the ride', cause' everything is free, including the 'drawing rights' to your emotional support .

When one is forced to man-up and pay the way, this type of "first-world" problem tends to disappear very quickly.

I'd say go AFROTC and allow his Appointment to go to someone who not only wants it, but could actually need it.

Best of Luck !
 
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