Please help. My fiancé is in the AFROTC and left for the LEAD program last Wednesday 7/16 (MAX 6? Is what that's called? Maybe?) and I have had no contact with him since. Is that normal? I'm so new to this and have no idea how any of this works. Does anyone know when they will be moving to Shelby? I've read that there may be a graduation of some sort? Can someone please share some knowledge or advice with me? Unless they aren't allowing him to write, this is very out of character for him and I'm starting to get worried. Thanks in advance and no negativity please. I'm just trying to learn. This is a whole new world for me that I am trying to adjust to.
I am sure others with experience of this program themselves or through their sons or daughters will comment.
There are official and unofficial links about this program, but I think the LEAD program is the most easily understood here in a general way:
I just felt for you, knowing you have likely seen each other/talked/texted every day, and now, zip. He is in a busy, competitive environment, with limited personal time. Do your best to not fill the blank spaces with negative conjecture, and in the meantime, live your own life. Be busy, productive, physically and mentally active. Be your own independent person, proactive and not reactive. Make your own happiness. Consider this good training for marrying a military person. They will be out of touch sometimes, they will be preoccupied with the mission, you may not be the first thing on their minds at some moments, though they love you. You can drive yourself crazy or you can get on with living life.
When you do get to talk to him, be positive and supportive. He is learning how this works too and may feel pressured. Now is not the time to add to that. Well before his next away training period, that is the time to talk about communications needs. As someone who was military married to military, with deployments, separate duty stations and all manner of "dark and silent" periods, I learned that expectations, needs and assumptions do not necessarily match on both sides. From that can grow arguments, resentment, misunderstanding and erosion of love. It takes good, respectful listening - and actual hearing - open non-blaming discussion - no expectation of mind-reading - to build the basis of a solid communication pattern. This is the glue that will hold you together through tough times, when the rainbows and unicorns phase seems to have faded. Two-way trust is also key. You have to trust he will contact you when he can. He has to trust that you will be fine while he's gone. This engagement period during his AFROTC training is a gift - a practice run for the realities ahead.
Let's hope @Pima
and others with great experience and insight chime in.
PS. Our 35th anniversary is approaching. We still work on communications but know we will get through it.