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- Feb 2, 2008
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A very poignant reminder of the stresses and costs of war on those who have served.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/casualty-of-war-20120917-2612i.html#ixzz27LrUo0mS
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/casualty-of-war-20120917-2612i.html#ixzz27LrUo0mS
Major General John Cantwell fought in Iraq in 1991 and again in 2006. In 2010 he commanded the Australian troops in Afghanistan. Upon his return, he was in the running to be the Chief of Army – instead, he found himself in a psychiatric ward.
...Released from responsibility, it is as though a dam in my mind has cracked, flooding me with despair. The barriers I built and shored up over the years, especially over the past 12 months, start to shift and buckle, releasing a pent-up misery.
The sadness and regret that I had pushed deep down inside resurface, amplified. Memories flood my mind: cold bodies in a morgue, torsos violated by bullets or explosives or a shattered helicopter; the pain and uncertainty of the wounded whose lives have been forever changed; the horror in the eyes of men who have picked up pieces of their mates. My nights are tormented by ghastly nightmares, punctuated by sudden shouts as I come awake, shaking and confused. The melancholy that has lurked in my heart begins to tear at my sanity....
...I have seen the world and met countless amazing people; I have had the thrill of command and the satisfaction of success; I have been humbled and uplifted by guileless young warriors; I have been trusted and have trusted others with my life; I have walked with heroes, and count them as friends; I have had adventures you can't pay for and rewards you can't buy.
I would not change my career, but I know it's come at a cost. One day I might accept I am wounded, but the memory of the physically ruined men I once commanded is too raw to allow that yet. What I do know is this: I have been a soldier; I have served my country; I am proud of what I have accomplished; I have endured hardship, trauma, pain and loss; I have done so voluntarily; I am not a victim, I am a survivor.
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