CC leaving Prep

C

CXD134

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Dec 5, 2019
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Our CC was just home for Thanksgiving and informed us that USAFA was not as expected and wants to leave asap and no longer wanted to play his primary sport that he’s played since the age of 4. We were shocked! Our CC was doing fine (we thought)...he was a starter in his chosen sport and dominated as he did in high school; he was making friends; the WEBGUY camera showed us that he was acclimating well and he didn’t complain to us when we talked & texted. His coaches “up on the hill” were anxious for him to arrive and get started. What happened???

He shared that he has already applied for a local college (D3) that has a decent program for his chosen major and will allow him to play his 2nd sport, which he won the state title for last year. He stated that he is also considering ROTC. Again, we were shocked!

No amount of reasoning for him to seek counseling for his feelings of overwhelm; realize that he’s stressed and sleep deprived & acting on emotion; take 1 day at a time and finish prep would change his mind. He says that he’s done because he’s given it his all and it’s not for him. I respect him for knowing his limitations and taking the appropriate actions but he’s passing up an opportunity of a lifetime that will open so many doors for him...
As parents, its our duty to ensure that our kids are made aware of the repercussions of their decisions/actions. Once they have matured then we can only respect their decision as just that - THEIR DECISION. We will support him and of course, incur the debt of his college education but I still wonder...what happened???
 
This current thread has good insights:
My Plebe Has Thoughts of Leaving USNA

My Plebe Has Thoughts of Leaving USNA

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving. I was until I saw a message from my plebe saying those words that every parent dreads hearing. He wants to leave USNA. I am still processing this, but I cannot think straight right now. I could tell he wasn't loving it, but he said he was...
www.serviceacademyforums.com

As to “what happened” - it could be any combination of factors. He could enjoy his friends, like many aspects of the life, but still decide it’s not for him. The years ahead may just seem too long and endless. The fact is, no amount of summer programs, overnight visits, conversations with grads/current cadets, prep experience, looking at videos, poring over the website, reading about it, is the same as the reality of being in it and experiencing it first hand.

A key sign to me is he has made plans for another school, sport, major, possible ROTC. That is the litmus test for me of running away from something vs. running toward something.

Your approach is spot on. Listen to him, talk it through, set expectations he will create and follow through on a plan and respect his decision and his ownership of any consequences, regrets or fall-out.
 
As a momma, I can feel the pain, astonishment, confusion in your post. I have 4 now-adult kiddos, and I can say that change is common with them all. Its super hard IMO for most 18 yr old kids to know WHAT they want to do with their life. I think your son was blessed with this year to really think and make good decisions. Your post has a feel of how much he has thought this through and is making a good decision for him. As CaptMJ said, all the plans he has made are very mature and well thought out. I'm sure you didn't know because he didn't want to disappoint you.

Time will help you accept and come to terms with the shock of the announcement. And like I say for sooooo many shocking events of our lives, someday this will only be a tiny little blip on his/you life radar. And anecdotal 'remember that year at prep' story. It won't have the pain/shock with it that you experience today. It won't even matter.

Also, know that you aren't the only one. He is fortunate to have your outlook of love and support. These are all great kids, destined to do great things, wherever that ends up being! Be open to the journey! And Hugs!!
 
I'll just add to this that I too get that its not for everyone and some kids will find their passion outside of school with amazing results. My two sons have grad degrees and one daughter is in Med school but my other daughter who did not finish college is setting the world on fire in her own way. I was far from happy when she left her four year college and went off to work. Fast forward six or seven years and she was managed a catalog creation and production for a major company including selection of the items, photography, etc, then went elsewhere and did amazing stuff for other companies with the result that she was nominated for the Forbes magazine "Thirty under Thirty" list while making a lot of money and establishing a name for herself in her world.
 
Capt MJ said:
A key sign to me is he has made plans for another school, sport, major, possible ROTC. That is the litmus test for me of running away from something vs. running toward something.
Click to expand...

This^

Sounds as though your son is being honest with himself and everyone else. At some point your anxiety will turn to pride. It may take a long time, but it will.

I have two boys, 24 and 28. the younger was medically DQed from an NROTC scholarship to Michigan. The other applied for and received an AROTC 4 yr. without even telling us. We thought he was nuts. Both are thriving, especially the older one who has just committed for another 3+ years.

Believe me the anxiety has not yet completely turned to pride.
 
OP sounds like it is a done deal, but a couple thoughts:

1) The Prep Schools are not "the Academy"... although I suspect AFAPS feels a little more like it because its in the same location. NAPS was its own little world, and didn't have near the support and counseling resources the actual Academy has.

2) What was DS original motivation to attend ? The decision to leave is a lot easier to make, and more understandable in the case of a recruited athlete than it is for the kid that wanted to attend a Service Academy and serve as an Officer. If DS is in the latter category , what changed ? If the former (recruited athlete) , one really needs to have a committment, or at least open mind, about serving, or 5 years of Prep School/Academy can be miserable --especially when there are other ways to move forward in the sport.

3) Finally, as SWO says, it really isn't for everyone. Even those that spent their whole life dreaming about attending a Service Academy find that its like a Turkish steam bath ...i..e. once you are in, its not so hot !

He's young, he has a plan ... sure, he's passing on a great opportunity, but there are plenty of other opportunities out there ! Best of Luck to him.
 
I am sure these same conversations are taking place on civilian college forums as well. Sometimes things aren't a good fit.
For Pete's sake the divorce rate is 50 percent.
 
Overwhelmed said:
I am sure these same conversations are taking place on civilian college forums as well. Sometimes things aren't a good fit.
For Pete's sake the divorce rate is 50 percent.
Click to expand...

Absolutely...every year, freshmen that graduate with each of my kiddos haven’t gone back for sophomore year. In fact I believe from what I see and hear that this happens less at a SA than ‘regular college’. Unscientific observation of my kids and their peers.
 
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