Chronically Depressed

C

Costco_Trailmix

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Joined
Nov 30, 2021
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I am a 3/C MIDN in Navy ROTC. I have wanted to serve in the military my whole life. I got a full-ride 4-year national scholarship and I am incredibly grateful for everything that I have. That being said, I've been talking with a counselor and she suggests that I am chronically depressed. This semester I have felt every single symptom of chronic depression:
  • Sadness or depressed mood most of the day or almost every day
  • Loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable
  • A major change in weight (gain or loss of more than 5% of weight within a month) or appetite
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep almost every day
  • Being physically restless or rundown in a way that is noticeable by others
  • Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness or excessive guilt almost every day
  • Problems with concentration or making decisions almost every day
The one thing is that I am NOT feeling suicidal or have reoccurring thoughts of death. I am just so unresponsive to everything that is happening to me. My failing grades, weight gain, sadness, emotionlessness, loss of pleasure (hobbies, fun, sex, etc). This all started about 5 months ago. I love what I do with NROTC, but school keeps triggering these feelings of hopelessness.

So here is the question... money. If I tell my LT Advisor about this, what will happen? I know I am past the "free trial period" for the scholarship. However, if I am clinically diagnosed with a disorder that is not my fault, will I have to pay this scholarship back? I guess what I am asking is, what are my options? If I tell my command what I am going through, or get a diagnosis, what will happen to me monetarily and or with my association with the Military

I know I chose a stupid user name. I just didn't want any of this to track back to me for obvious reasons. Feel free to call me MIDN John (alias) if you don't want to call me Costco_Trailmix.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

V/R
-
MIDN John
 
Want to start off by saying: I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I've been there, lots of people on this forum have been there.

My best advice would be to talk to your friends and cadre. If your cadre are worth their salt they'll be willing to help you through this.


Please please please take steps to help yourself and your mental health. Your counselor should have options to help you battle this, and find a way for you to get better. Depression in any form is serious. I'm always open if you want to PM me.


I am not a health professional at ALL, but here's what I did when I hit rock bottom:

-Got into a routine, started eating healthier and started working out more regularly.
-Leaned on my friends, or had some sort of social outfit.
-Find something you enjoy (I bought an xbox yesterday because I wanted something nice at the end of the day when I came home!) and take some time each day to induldge in that activity.



The semester's almost over, you're almost done. You got this!

Please please don't fight this alone. You can always PM me.
 
Your health is first, second, last and everything in between. Tend to that, and other things will resolve as they will.

I am going to page @MullenLE , the Deputy Director of DoDMERB, who may offer to communicate with you privately via email. He is exactly who he says he is.

I will also page @GWU PNS , who is also exactly who he says he is, to see if he will offer NROTC leadership view advice.

As a new member, you need 5 posts, a week onboard and a system refresh to send/receive PMs.

We will do our best here to support you.
 
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♥️♥️♥️ To you!! I am hearing about this kind of thing far more frequently than ever before. I suspect all that’s going on in our world and the CONSTANT stimulation surrounding it, is for sure a cause of a lot of mental illness. Seriously. You are not alone!! Give yourself grace. Listen to professionals. And tend to yourself. Good people here will help.

We really are living in challenging, difficult, unprecedented times. Hang in there!!
 
First, know that you are not alone. This feeling is so much more common, especially now with so much going on in the world. Jarhead had some good advice to start minding a healthy diet and increasing a routine with exercise. I might add that you should try to get some outdoor time- whether walking on a trail, in a park or near water. Fresh air and being in nature can also help our overall well being. I might also suggest increase or start taking vitamins, and get routine blood work done. But before you get an official diagnosis anywhere or talk to someone that could impact your service future, get some blood work drawn. There could be some medical imbalances, whether vitamin deficiency or hormonal imbalance that could be contributing to these feelings. Get a prescription for blood lab work, and ask that they include checking iron levels, vitamin D, and thyroid, etc. as sometimes deficiencies in these can be the cause of the symptoms. I am not a medical professional, but my DD was amazed at the difference she felt after getting blood work done and getting the right supplements back into her diet. Best of luck to you.
 
Brother your not alone in the invisible battle. As the Capt said your health is the 1- zillion. Don't worry about what may or may not happen.

Personal story I suffer with PTSD and kept it at bay for years to keep my clearance. One weekend it came roaring out. I eventually had to decide family and health or a clearance.

I am so glad I reached out to a professional. Lost the clearance but I kept my family and life.

Jarhead pointed out some great tips along with momx3.

I still have bad days, but I usually walk the sole off my shoes. After that I feel I got some work in. I am sure there is some groups on campus that talk. Please feel free to DM me as well.
 
Ironically, I had been checking the forums all morning but not much had popped up. I figured everyone was still sitting in a food coma from Thanksgiving, but here we are now.

So, where to begin. For the big money question, and remember this is my perspective as a PNS, I am not a big policy maker or flag officer. But I am 99.99999% sure of nearly anything I post on here.

For any legitimate medical condition which would render a cadet or midshipman unable to complete their training, and this would include a condition which would result in them not being considered worldwide assignable, I have not seen a single case that resulted in the recoupment of money. When I use the word legitimate I simply mean the condition has been diagnosed and validated by a competent medical authority. I will defer to Mr. Mullen if he desires to opine, but generally speaking, we never try to punish someone for things beyond their control. I suppose one potential example which could be an outlier is if a person becomes dependent on drugs not prescribed by a doctor.......would that be a medical condition, yes......but you get the idea. That case might be a tricky one which would be discussed by higher authorities.

Next point, and this varies a bit from unit to unit. But you do have a reasonable expectation of privacy when it comes to your medical issues. When you discuss with your advisor, it is enough to say you have been struggling with classes, sleep, etc, and that you have been using the help of a school counselor. Should you decide your situation warrants being treated longer term, or should you think you can't continue with your classes, then you need to just be up front about that.

You do not have to spill every bit of your medical history to your advisor. You do have medical privacy. Still, the unit cannot help you when they don't have the necessary facts.

Questions for you......no answer needed here, just for you to think about.
---- Are you failing to the point where it could be an issue continuing with the university? Do your professors know and have you asked for their help? What you want to avoid is not telling the ROTC unit anything and then show up with a really low GPA.
---- You mentioned gaining weight? Are you still in standards?
---- You mentioned a period of 5 months, which predates the semester start. If something occurred this summer, has that been dealt with?

For your counselor, does he/she recommend seeing a doctor?

If you have already seen a doctor, and especially if you have been prescribed medication, this is where you will eventually need to have your records reviewed by a military professional. It isn't automatically disqualifying, but I can't speak to that as it is well beyond my skill set.

Last point, but I mean this. As Captains and Colonels, we ALWAYS seem very busy. It is in our nature to look and act busy and we have refined it to an art form. But I promise you, we are NEVER EVER too busy to listen to someone who needs help. Do not be shy about asking the simple question.......Could I please get on the CO's calendar to talk about my situation? I would be shocked if the answer wasn't an immediate YES. Absolutely none of us want to see someone fail who could have succeeded but for a helping hand from an experienced person.

So I have waxed poetic here long enough. I promise you one thing, you are not the only Midshipman to experience the holiday blues, and that was true way before the pandemic and all of the lockdown issues that have occurred across the country.

Feel free to PM me when you can. I lurk here quite often, so it is likely I will respond fairly quickly.

Wishing you all the best on this.
 
I send you a big hug and like many people here will tell you, you are not alone. It is going to be a tough fight but please do not give up.
I am glad that you reached out to the forum and to other people.
Best of luck to you
 
Capt MJ said:
Your health is first, second, last and everything in between. Tend to that, and other things will resolve as they will.

I am going to page @MullenLE , the Deputy Director of DoDMERB, who may offer to communicate with you privately via email. He is exactly who he says he is.

I will also page @GWU PNS , who is also exactly who he says he is, to see if he will offer NROTC leadership view advice.

As a new member, you need 5 posts, a week onboard and a system refresh to send/receive PMs.

We will do our best here to support you.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Capt. I am a long-time lurker and I was secretly hoping that @MullenLE got a hold of this. Everyone really seems to love him.
 
GWU PNS said:
Ironically, I had been checking the forums all morning but not much had popped up. I figured everyone was still sitting in a food coma from Thanksgiving, but here we are now.

So, where to begin. For the big money question, and remember this is my perspective as a PNS, I am not a big policy maker or flag officer. But I am 99.99999% sure of nearly anything I post on here.

For any legitimate medical condition which would render a cadet or midshipman unable to complete their training, and this would include a condition which would result in them not being considered worldwide assignable, I have not seen a single case that resulted in the recoupment of money. When I use the word legitimate I simply mean the condition has been diagnosed and validated by a competent medical authority. I will defer to Mr. Mullen if he desires to opine, but generally speaking, we never try to punish someone for things beyond their control. I suppose one potential example which could be an outlier is if a person becomes dependent on drugs not prescribed by a doctor.......would that be a medical condition, yes......but you get the idea. That case might be a tricky one which would be discussed by higher authorities.

Next point, and this varies a bit from unit to unit. But you do have a reasonable expectation of privacy when it comes to your medical issues. When you discuss with your advisor, it is enough to say you have been struggling with classes, sleep, etc, and that you have been using the help of a school counselor. Should you decide your situation warrants being treated longer term, or should you think you can't continue with your classes, then you need to just be up front about that.

You do not have to spill every bit of your medical history to your advisor. You do have medical privacy. Still, the unit cannot help you when they don't have the necessary facts.

Questions for you......no answer needed here, just for you to think about.
---- Are you failing to the point where it could be an issue continuing with the university? Do your professors know and have you asked for their help? What you want to avoid is not telling the ROTC unit anything and then show up with a really low GPA.
---- You mentioned gaining weight? Are you still in standards?
---- You mentioned a period of 5 months, which predates the semester start. If something occurred this summer, has that been dealt with?

For your counselor, does he/she recommend seeing a doctor?

If you have already seen a doctor, and especially if you have been prescribed medication, this is where you will eventually need to have your records reviewed by a military professional. It isn't automatically disqualifying, but I can't speak to that as it is well beyond my skill set.

Last point, but I mean this. As Captains and Colonels, we ALWAYS seem very busy. It is in our nature to look and act busy and we have refined it to an art form. But I promise you, we are NEVER EVER too busy to listen to someone who needs help. Do not be shy about asking the simple question.......Could I please get on the CO's calendar to talk about my situation? I would be shocked if the answer wasn't an immediate YES. Absolutely none of us want to see someone fail who could have succeeded but for a helping hand from an experienced person.

So I have waxed poetic here long enough. I promise you one thing, you are not the only Midshipman to experience the holiday blues, and that was true way before the pandemic and all of the lockdown issues that have occurred across the country.

Feel free to PM me when you can. I lurk here quite often, so it is likely I will respond fairly quickly.

Wishing you all the best on this.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice, sir.

As for your questions:

I've been in constant contact with my LT Advisor about my grade issues and a bit about my mood. I got my major changed and even extended to a 4.5-semester graduation plan. I just really haven't gotten to the point where I feel comfortable telling him about my feelings. Makes me feel weak.

I did gain weight, but I am still in standards and can easily pass a PRT. I think my diet routine has just not been the best. I need to work out too. I've been slacking on that.

I mentioned it 5 months ago because that's when I began seeing my counselor. To be honest, I didn't really believe in all this mental health bullsh*t until a couple of months ago. I just thought I was weaker than everyone else around me. Sure I knew people had mental disorders, but I didn't really believe in depression or anything. I think I believe now, but I am still unsure about it.

Thank you for answering the money question. That is honestly one of my biggest fears right now because I will NOT be able to pay off the debt anytime soon if I drop out. It makes me much more willing to get the help that I actually need.

Again, thank you, sir. This is not me giving up. I am going to pass my classes this semester and then I will come back swinging with some therapy in my arsenal. I'll be sure to send updates when I get them.
 

Costco_Trailmix​

1. I usually stick to my DoDMERB tab, so I'm just seeing this now.
2. **First and foremost is to work directly/immediately/TOMORROW with the GWU PNS. He and I are linked at the hip for these type issues.**
3. He will know if/when to link me in. Are you already contracted?? :wiggle:
 
Costco_Trailmix said:
I am a 3/C MIDN in Navy ROTC. I have wanted to serve in the military my whole life. I got a full-ride 4-year national scholarship and I am incredibly grateful for everything that I have. That being said, I've been talking with a counselor and she suggests that I am chronically depressed. This semester I have felt every single symptom of chronic depression:
  • Sadness or depressed mood most of the day or almost every day
  • Loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable
  • A major change in weight (gain or loss of more than 5% of weight within a month) or appetite
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep almost every day
  • Being physically restless or rundown in a way that is noticeable by others
  • Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness or excessive guilt almost every day
  • Problems with concentration or making decisions almost every day
The one thing is that I am NOT feeling suicidal or have reoccurring thoughts of death. I am just so unresponsive to everything that is happening to me. My failing grades, weight gain, sadness, emotionlessness, loss of pleasure (hobbies, fun, sex, etc). This all started about 5 months ago. I love what I do with NROTC, but school keeps triggering these feelings of hopelessness.

So here is the question... money. If I tell my LT Advisor about this, what will happen? I know I am past the "free trial period" for the scholarship. However, if I am clinically diagnosed with a disorder that is not my fault, will I have to pay this scholarship back? I guess what I am asking is, what are my options? If I tell my command what I am going through, or get a diagnosis, what will happen to me monetarily and or with my association with the Military

I know I chose a stupid user name. I just didn't want any of this to track back to me for obvious reasons. Feel free to call me MIDN John (alias) if you don't want to call me Costco_Trailmix.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

V/R
-
MIDN John
Click to expand...
So you have not been dx by a medical doctor? And since it’s a counselor you refer to I am guessing you have not seen a medical doctor for this.

Your list of symptoms reminds me of one dark depressing ugly period in my life——combat and VN. Once I left VN and combat those symptoms all went away. For me more a situational depression or angst than an actual Dx medical condition.

Since you are asking about money and may have not seen a doctor can we assume this is more a money question than a medical issue?

If it is a medical issue I’d see a competent MD trained to work with these issues .
 
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Costco_Trailmix said:
Thanks for the advice, sir.

As for your questions:

I've been in constant contact with my LT Advisor about my grade issues and a bit about my mood. I got my major changed and even extended to a 4.5-semester graduation plan. I just really haven't gotten to the point where I feel comfortable telling him about my feelings. Makes me feel weak.
Click to expand...
You are not weak for asking others for help and discussing your problems. That is courage. Honestly, I think it's weak if someone is too afraid to discuss their problems with others. Sometimes the first step to solving a problem is communicating.
 
OP, Please confirm the exact Navy rules and impacts of medications, treatment, and diagnoses. Specifically - continued outpatient care for X months, the impacts of taking Y specific medications, impacts of Z diagnoses, so you can discuss your options and know the impacts of those options to continue to train, to commission and serve, or even to enlist and serve.

If your leg were broken you wouldn't pause to pursue a cast or crutch, well, your mental health needs attention sometimes a crutch too, and it's good you are confirming options and working to get yourself to a better place. My overall guidance is just to know things can get better and to be patient as medication and/ or therapy it may take some time to get you balanced out. Have hope though that what you're going through can be improved. Honestly with a lot of young people sitting mostly isolated for 1.5 years in the pandemic before going to college on campuses we are seeing an uptick in depression, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and/ or trouble getting into a good rhythm at school - it's a big adjustment and you are not alone - hang in there, keep taking steps to get help, and confirm the impacts so you have no regrets - good luck to you and keep the board posted on any info needs you may have.
 
We are, by nature, social people. We are not designed to be as isolated as we have been over these last months. @Herman_Snerd is so right!! It affects different people, differentially. Even if situationally, temporarily.

You are not alone.
 
Costco_Trailmix said:
That being said, I've been talking with a counselor and she suggests that I am chronically depressed. This semester I have felt every single symptom of chronic depression:
  • Sadness or depressed mood most of the day or almost every day
  • Loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable
  • A major change in weight (gain or loss of more than 5% of weight within a month) or appetite
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep almost every day
  • Being physically restless or rundown in a way that is noticeable by others
  • Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness or excessive guilt almost every day
  • Problems with concentration or making decisions almost every day
Click to expand...
Also, I have been thinking about this for 2 days. Something concerning for me. Was a counselor suggesting this on you (orginally I thought it was a doctor). In this arena you want a trained professional. Whether that has a PHD or MD behind it I am not sure. Just ensure your health is number 1.

I mean you can get a symptom of something. Go to WebMD.com and down a rabbit hole quick.
 
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