Critique my nomination essay for USMA?


Mar 20, 2018
If possible, can an experienced user who has been through the admission process PM me to review my Service Academy nomination Essay?
You need a few more posts to PM....reply to this one a few times.

No, because posts that are done simply to increase post count are deleted by the Mods. Try making some useful posts.

^^^ I agree. Random people who don't know your background can't really critique your essay. We know nothing about your background, etc. that would allow us to provide meaningful input.
It sounds like you want to do a great job. That speaks well of you. But, you would be way better off working with a trusted teacher/counselor/mentor/parent etc. who knows you and can help you think through what you want to say. You have plenty of time between now and the due date so get the questions and think on them. Write down notes about what you think you want to say. Engage the folks listed above in conversation about the topics. Try out your thoughts on them. Think about the questions they ask you. And, finally, keep in mind that the readers will know nothing about you other than what you write.
For some reason I have had a few (maybe three) candidates send me their essays through PM on this forum. Kind of out of the blue. I didn't know any of the kids, but I did read what they had and gave them honest insight to the best of my ability. I also made suggestions on how to improve. I am opinionated, and it's a challenge for me to simply ignore an opportunity to correct something which needs correcting.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a candidate seeking assistance on these things. Be that a family member, teacher, or someone else. The product needs to be original from the candidate, but someone who is conscientious about their work will have someone review it and offer comments or suggestions for improvement. That is just being responsible. I suppose some kids don't have the resources for such help, and look here for the missing guidance. It's all good.
Get passionate about your essay. I wrote mine going in blind and just wrote from the heart. I ended up with something great so I'd reccomend you try it.