Dad Joke thread (everybody welcome)

[Rach3]

Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

 

[VelveteenR]

If two vegetarians have an argument, is it still called a "beef?"

 

[justdoit19]

Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Not even kidding but my 19 mos old grandson can do that. Is shocking. Although he doesn’t gets to apps, he get to photos to look at his family

 

[Jarhead713]

If a man says something and there's no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?

 

[kinnem]

Maybe not one to share with the kids, but...

 

[UHBlackhawk]

I know a JAG officer who passed his PT test with a torn ACL.
….
He had the power of a torn knee.

 

[Capt MJ]

I know a JAG officer who passed his PT test with a torn ACL.
….
He had the power of a torn knee.

Arrggghhhh

 

[AROTC-dad]

I know a JAG officer who passed his PT test with a torn ACL.
….
He had the power of a torn knee.

soooooooo baaaaaad....

that it's good!

 

[Rach3]

I know a JAG officer who passed his PT test with a torn ACL.
….
He had the power of a torn knee.

Okay, I admit ... took me a few seconds to "get it." But when I did, I again admit ... I had to chuckle! Thx!!

 

[Rach3]

This will be appropriate for several of us here, I'm sure: "Sixty may be the new forty, but 9:00 is the new midnight!"

 

[Jarhead713]

Why is it spelled camouflage but not

 

[StPaulDad]

This will be appropriate for several of us here, I'm sure: "Sixty may be the new forty, but 9:00 is the new midnight!"

Curiously 9:00am is also the new 6:00am around my house.

 

[Rach3]

He who stops to ponder and think will generally come out ahead."

When Gandhi was a young student, studying law at University College, London, a Caucasian professor, called Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected, there were always arguments and confrontations.

One day, Professor Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to him. The professor said, "Mr. Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat." Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "Do not worry professor. I'll fly away" and he moved to another table.

Professor Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Professor Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr. Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag full of money, which one would you take?" Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course." Mr. Peters, smiling sarcastically, said, "I, in your place, would have taken wisdom, don't you think?" Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."

Professor Peters, by this time, was beside himself with rage and so great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Professor Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

 

[justdoit19]

Two submissions today, both made me chuckle.

 

[cyclist2028]

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

 

[THParent]

Why did the teddy bear turn down a piece of pie after dinner?


He was already stuffed!

 

[justdoit19]

i am pretty sure I heard that one on beggars night!!

 

[justdoit19]

 

[FutureAcademyDad?]

I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside of tires and roll me down the hill.

They were Goodyears.

 

[THParent]

I caught my son chewing on some electrical cords, so I had to ground him.
He's currently doing better now and conducting himself properly.