Dad Joke thread (everybody welcome)

I actually work with someone like this. This is also her eval year.

My good friend is more aggressive at work than she realizes. After she had her annual performance review, I asked, "How did it go?"
"They had written that I was overbearing," she replied with a shrug. "I made them take it off."
 
From the USNI Proceedings: British Naval officers, when detached from a ship, are usually given a short evaluation, usually of the form, "This officer performed his duties in a satisfactory manor." One officer, when detached, was given a one word evaluation, "Lousy". The commodore returned the evaluation to the captain and said, "You need to be more specific." The captain wrote, "Very lousy."
 
From the USNI Proceedings: British Naval officers, when detached from a ship, are usually given a short evaluation, usually of the form, "This officer performed his duties in a satisfactory manor." One officer, when detached, was given a one word evaluation, "Lousy". The commodore returned the evaluation to the captain and said, "You need to be more specific." The captain wrote, "Very lousy."
This reminds me of another sea story from that genre, the Royal Navy officer who wrote in a subordinate’s performance report, “Of all the officers I have ever known, he is one.”
 
For all those who enjoy physics:

A farmer is looking to improve the productivity of his cows. He calls in a biologist and a physicist. The two scientists assess the situation and go back to their labs to work on the problem. When they return, the biologist presents a long, complicated presentation on how to improve the milk-producing abilities of the cow. When it's the physicist's turn, he stands up and says, "assume spherical cow in a vacuum..."
 

Did you hear about the guy who got an award for taking down a thrash band selling drugs?​


He got a metal mettle medal for metal meddle.
 
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