Does Anyone Else Have Concerned Parents

The_Grizzly

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My mom is not very supportive of me going to any service academy or even an ROTC at a civilian college. She has major concerns about my desire to pursue a military career, but being a pilot (a little ambitious, I know) is what I always have wanted. She always tries to sway me to go to a State university or private college. I don't what to say about it, but it sometimes angers me that she is against my desires and stands in my way.
 
My mom was similar for a while. She didn't really support my ambition to join the military, especially the job that I want to do. Then, we visited the Naval Academy this past September for a program. After seeing how amazing USNA is, her views changed almost immediately. She went from not supporting my ambition to actively trying to help me with my application.

If you can, try to schedule a visit to USAFA with your mom. I've never been to the Air Force Academy, but I'm sure a visit to it would change her views.
 
Come up with your why list and sit down with mom and have a legit conversation laying out your plan. Be prepared to respectfully defend your plan. Do not get emotional or disrespectful. Also have plan B prepared so she can see you have thought this through. I’m sure mom is just worried so do not take offense, try to see it from her side. Maybe if you try to understand where she is coming from you can explain why she should support you. Understand going in mom will likely have some strong points in her defense. A healthy conversation should be the goal. Best of luck to you both.
 
My mom is not very supportive of me going to any service academy or even an ROTC at a civilian college. She has major concerns about my desire to pursue a military career, but being a pilot (a little ambitious, I know) is what I always have wanted. She always tries to sway me to go to a State university or private college. I don't what to say about it, but it sometimes angers me that she is against my desires and stands in my way.
Same thing with my parents, no one in my family has ever been interested or associated with any military, so it was all very new to them when I decided I wanted to go to USAFA or do AFROTC. I took my mom to visit USAFA, and that changed her perspective a lot, seeing the students who went there and everything service academies have to offer.
 
If a visit is not possible, there may be an admissions event near you that you and your mom could attend. That may help with some of her questions and reservation. Good luck!
 
This is also a chance for both you and your parents to learn more about what the military really is. Most people's exposure to the military is a combination of the news, video games, and movies/TV. There are plenty of varied roles in the military from infantry, to logistics, to administration, and everything in between. Just like being a pilot, not everyone is flying an F-15, F-16, or F-35. Plenty of fine Americans are breaking physics by pulling C-5s into the sky and delivering cargo to far away places.

The military is also not just a place where people go with no career prospects. The military is a career itself and just like with other careers, some people stay in it and others move on to other things. The one thing the military WILL do is train you for a career. The military is self-sustaining and just like we need people to do different jobs to stay that way, we can train people for those jobs. If you invest in the military, you can really develop yourself and open up a multitude of follow-on career options.
 
Think of this as a research paper where you have to build a case in favor of your hypothesis.

If their concern is quality of education, research college rankings, majors, number of Rhodes, Fulbright, Marshall, Olmsted, etc., scholars. Search for the USAFA Class Profiles for Class of 2025, etc. to show the quality.

If their concern is cost, make the case you are being given a top-quality BS, room and board, with guaranteed full employment afterwards in an upwardly mobile career path. Your medical and dental care is free. You will receive a small salary.

If their concern is career path, show them all the officer communities available.

If their concern is salary after graduation, go to DFAS and look up the pay tables for O-1 under two years of service, then jump to O-3 at 4 years. Look up Basic Allowance for Housing at the AF base of your choice and explain this is an untaxed allowance. Your medical and dental will continue to be free.

If their concern is how long will you have to serve, research that. Have them look over your shoulder at USAFA.edu. Find the fun YouTube videos of cadets. Point out you can attend the first 2 years and walk away with no service obligation if you find that it is not your path.

If they are worried about “how will you get a real job after you get out,” point out you will have experience in leadership, management, resource allocation, workforce planning, critical thinking, performance under pressure, strategic planning, stakeholder engagement, strong work ethic, adaptability, resourcefulness, problem-solving, plus your orifesssional area of expertise, etc., and former military officers/service academy grads are valued and recruited. The veteran network is phenomenal, and the service academy sub-net is a high-value resource.
Check out:
https://www.lucasgroup.com/ Scroll down to the military section.

This is a sliver of what’s out there, whether you do 5 years or 25.

If they are worried about post-grad education, research Air Force officer post-graduate opportunities and Tuition Assistance. There are all kinds of full-time and after-hours programs.

If they are worried, period, meaning scared for your safety, be gentle and calm and mature. They are your parents, and their job is to protect you. Be mature, focused, articulate and clear on your desire to serve your country, that you understand the risk and you know this concerns thrm. The more knowledge they have, the less their imaginations will have to fill in with terrifying scenarios. You will have to be their guide.

Visit with them if you can. Oh, and tell them there are USAFA Parents Clubs for support. And Service Academy Forums!
 
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I second the suggestion for mom to talk with a current parent group. Our parent club fields questions and concerns from potential appointee parents.
There is no easy answer. It is a process and you can work through it.
 
Look around this site for a bunch of old similar discussions. (I included some below.) Many parents have reservations about the military life that range from you getting blown up to being sexually assaulted to being too far from home or becoming a killer or simply not following the plan that seemed so clear (in their minds) the entire time you were growing up. Sometimes it's nothing more than learning a little about the modern military and other times there are serious philosophical discussions to be had. You're going to have to do some work.

Take time to really consider what you know about your mother, how she sees you, what she's always dreamed of for you, what scares her and what she thinks you're getting into. Take some more time to really examine yourself to be sure that what concerns her is something you're prepared to handle. If you've always dreamed of this then ask yourself if she knows that. Ask yourself why she wants you to go to a normal college rather than an academy. Maybe there's an easy compromise to be found in AFROTC.

Spend some time in your mother's shoes, spend some time working out some alternative paths to your dreams and then sit down and have a frank and loving conversation where she can voice her dreams and you can voice yours and you can both piece together something that works for everyone. Maybe it involves learning more about the academy or the Air Force. Maybe it'll be a problem that doesn't fully work itself out. But know that a lot of others have walked this path before you, and take just a little more time (I keep saying this for a reason) to look over the threads below. There are more around here if you just search for things like "unsupportive". Good luck, we're all pulling for you.

 
DD, DW, and I visited KP early in DD's senior year of high school. As we sat listening to the morning spiels, DW whispered to me " I can't get into this." That afternoon, while DD went to some classes, DW and I walked around the campus. We asked a maintenance man where the store to get tee shirts was. He proceeded to give us a 20 minute lecture on the life of a Midshipman. I recommend that when you visit a SA, find a civilian employee who has been there for 10-20 years and listen, listen, listen. As we walked towards the NEX, we saw a baseball player running towards us. Five(5) steps ahead he slowed to a walk. "Good morning, maam. Good morning, sir." Two(2) steps past us he began running again towards the field. DW looked at me with her jaw agape. Didn't say a word. Her eyes said it all. She was sold. Epilogue: A few years later we an into the maintenance man. "She's doing great." We have no idea how he connected DD to us but he really knew how she was doing. And I fully agree with those who recommend calling the parents club.
 
I am a parent who had all kinds of dreams for my kids when they were younger . I am also the daughter of immigrants who I am sure had all kinds of dreams for me when I was starting out . I actually had to move out of my house when I decided to pursue a career that my parents were to put it mildly , not enthusiastic about but who eventually became my biggest supporters . Because of my own experience , I said I would always try to be supportive , to a point , of what my adult children wished to pursue . I might also add that none of them entered the careers that I had hoped for them. My youngest decided in her freshman year of high school that she wanted a career in the military and it was her Dad (USMC Iraq veteran) who has a tough time with it, but spoke to her realistically about the path she wanted. Our first college visit was to a SMC in a rural area that was completely unlike the environment she was raised in . She spent the night in barracks and I thought that would “turn her off” to the whole military lifestyle. When I picked her up that morning she was enthusiastic and even more committed to her goal. She FaceTimed her Dad and was able to express to him that it was what she wanted and more importantly , why she wanted it. I definitely recommend you visit the service academy , SMC or college ROTC unit you are interested in with your mother . It is very difficult for moms to “let go” but most of us know we have to and want our (adult) children to be content and satisfied with their choices . I think if you are able to articulate to her why this is the path you want to pursue and you include her in your decision making, it might help alleviate some , not all of her concerns , but it also is ultimately your decision to make . Good luck .
 
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