DQ Advice for Parents

[Poster2025]

We have responded (assisting our DS as he is under 18) to DODMERB request for information regarding our DS's off and on therapy during elementary, some middle, and briefly in high school. He has now been DQ'd and honestly, we are sick that choices we made for him years ago, are now impacting his application.

We put our DS in social groups and counseling as he had a very small circle of friends and we wanted to make sure all was ok. I was determined that he was going to have a better social experience than me, so we were very proactive in having him work with individuals and groups to ensure he had the social skills to be successful. He didn't feel they were necessary, but we figured it can't hurt. We thought we were doing the responsible thing.

He had no other indications of any issues, very strong academics, athletics, EC's and extensive leadership especially in the last couple years, and yes, now he has lots of friends. Now we see in the paperwork (we were completely honest and forthcoming with DODMERB) that there is a diagnosis code of "Adjustment Disorder" or "Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety" (R230) He provided the documents from the doctors to DODMERB, but he did not provide any background information or explanation since they didn't ask for one. He was very careful to follow their request exactly.

Now we just wait, in the hopes that a waiver is requested on his behalf, and that it is successful. Our DS will reach out to DODMERB on his own if he chooses to with some questions about the process.

I was just looking to connect to others that might have been in a similar situation, and maybe have some advice on how to navigate this moment as a parent. I've never felt the weight of a parenting decision quite like this. Thank you.

 

[USAFA_86]

Well I can tell you from someone who has gone though the whole DoDMERB process, they do an amazing job and are very thorough. Trust the system! If your DS is truly medically qualified and works through the process, he will be ruled as qualified.

 

[Poster2025]

Well I can tell you from someone who has gone though the whole DoDMERB process, they do an amazing job and are very thorough. Trust the system! If your DS is truly medically qualified and works through the process, he will be ruled as qualified.

Thank you. Thank you. I know I should already know that, but needed to hear it from someone else.

 

[sanman]

So his anxiety was diagnosed by a doctor? Or did the doctor do this to allow the support you felt was needed for your child?

Whichever it is USAFA_86 is correct

 

[Poster2025]

So his anxiety was diagnosed by a doctor? Or did the doctor do this to allow the support you felt was needed for your child?

Whichever it is USAFA_86 is correct

That would have to be a question directed at the doctor. At most, he could be nervous when it came to social interactions (typical middle school stuff) but would never describe him as having anxiety. Like I said, he did not think the sessions were necessary. We were never aware of him being diagnosed with anxiety and we would definitely push back on that diagnosis. His DQ indicates only one item "adjustment disorder"

 

[milmomsomeday]

We were never aware of him being diagnosed with anxiety and we would definitely push back on that diagnosis. His DQ indicates only one item "adjustment disorder"

As a school counselor who works a lot with therapists, etc., it might be that a diagnosis was required for the therapy. Often times it comes from the insurance provider that requires a diagnosis to treat. I think it could also be just a common practice for a doctor to need a diagnosis to provide therapy.

Hoping this pans out pretty easily for you, as there have to be tons of students every year that are diagnosed with anxiety that is not long life-altering. I'm sure they see this quite often, even more so the last several years. I know I have at the school level.

 

[MullenLE]

Poster 2025 - I'm the guy in the signature block, so I come to you with authority:

1. For you specifically ---- even though DS is under 18: Google "DoDMERB;" Hit "Questions on the process;" Read paragraph 4. Now that you've assimilated that approach...then

2. Have DS send me an email: Lawrence.e.mullen.civ@mail.mil; provide complete name and last 4 SSN; and then have him paste the original posting above to his email. I can assist him better from there and he will know the precise details of his medical status

 

[Poster2025]

Poster 2025 - I'm the guy in the signature block, so I come to you with authority:

1. For you specifically ---- even though DS is under 18: Google "DoDMERB;" Hit "Questions on the process;" Read paragraph 4. Now that you've assimilated that approach...then

2. Have DS send me an email: Lawrence.e.mullen.civ@mail.mil; provide complete name and last 4 SSN; and then have him paste the original posting above to his email. I can assist him better from there and he will know the precise details of his medical status

Thank you to others that responded - it is helpful in getting through this difficult parenting moment.

Mr. Mullen yes! We are familiar with paragraph 4. We have left it to our son to determine next steps in this matter, including reaching out to contact you. Thank you sir, for your continued support of these candidates and your patience with their parents!

 

[MullenLE]

Our honor and privilege to serve

 

[justdoit19]

Hang in there! Of course parents have the BEST intentions for their kiddos. Dont feel guilty about this. Plus it’s in the rear view mirror. All that can be done now is let the process play out. And lessons learned for younger children, or parents/people reading here.

Our family was fortunate to have a primary DR who educated us in being careful about getting labeled medically, or put into a box (ie using albuterol to open airways during a respiratory event doesn’t equate to mean asthma). As new parents. One of the best lessons we were taught.

Take up Mr Mullens offer of assistance. He is the one to help at this point! But don’t beat yourself up for your choices for your son. It was done from a place of love, not harm. And y’all will never have the answer to the “what if’s” rolling around in your head. This is just part of the journey for your son.

 

[dddad]

I was just looking to connect to others that might have been in a similar situation, and maybe have some advice on how to navigate this moment as a parent. I've never felt the weight of a parenting decision quite like this.

Just give DoDMERB what they require and trust it to get things right. As I understand it, your son is not disqualified at this point. As a parent, you do what you think is right at every moment and there is no need to second guess yourself - but we all do. My advice is to give your son encouragement and assist with the DoDMERB piece of the process only when needed. No reason to panic. They asked for information, which is a far cry from a DQ. Good luck!

Sorry I can’t offer advice that relates directly to “mental health” issues. All DoDMERB issues seem daunting. We played a role in every one of our kids’ medical treatment decisions before SA attendance. I expect DoDMERB to be fully capable of discerning between significant “mental health” issues that should cause a DQ and those that are the result of highly protective parents who never thought about the possibility they were raising a warrior.

I’d say you should use this opportunity to assist/teach your son to take charge of these medical issues. He will sometimes need to handle his medical issues at a SA without you.

Encourage your son to reach out to Mr. Mullen.

 

[Poster2025]

So his anxiety was diagnosed by a doctor? Or did the doctor do this to allow the support you felt was needed for your child?

Whichever it is USAFA_86 is correct

Just received confirmation from the doctor. He was NOT diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. His primary diagnosis and his DQ is for Adjustment Disorder. So that appears to be the focus for now. Not sure exactly what impact that may have but our DS is following-up on the matter. His portal now indicates DQ'd, so now he waits for a waiver request.....

 

[Poster2025]

Hang in there! Of course parents have the BEST intentions for their kiddos. Dont feel guilty about this. Plus it’s in the rear view mirror. All that can be done now is let the process play out. And lessons learned for younger children, or parents/people reading here.

Our family was fortunate to have a primary DR who educated us in being careful about getting labeled medically, or put into a box (ie using albuterol to open airways during a respiratory event doesn’t equate to mean asthma). As new parents. One of the best lessons we were taught.

Take up Mr Mullens offer of assistance. He is the one to help at this point! But don’t beat yourself up for your choices for your son. It was done from a place of love, not harm. And y’all will never have the answer to the “what if’s” rolling around in your head. This is just part of the journey for your son.

Thank you and yes. Logically, can't second guess the choices we made as parents as the goal was to raise a strong and independent young man and I think we succeeded.

We've never dealt with any mental health issues in the family, so we had no understanding of the diagnosis codes or otherwise. Additionally, no one in the immediate family that is in the military or works for an agency to give us exposure to these long term consequences. However, DS's sibling is considering mathematician/analyst work in the government sector....so now we know the drill, or at least know what questions to ask! Thanks again for your feedback - it is much appreciated.

 

[justdoit19]

Thank you and yes. Logically, can't second guess the choices we made as parents as the goal was to raise a strong and independent young man and I think we succeeded.

We've never dealt with any mental health issues in the family, so we had no understanding of the diagnosis codes or otherwise. Additionally, no one in the immediate family that is in the military or works for an agency to give us exposure to these long term consequences. However, DS's sibling is considering mathematician/analyst work in the government sector....so now we know the drill, or at least know what questions to ask! Thanks again for your feedback - it is much appreciated.

MOST people Don’t know the nuances of all this, including the military stuff. You are not alone. And the oldest child is always the guinea pig !! Good luck!!

 

[flyovercountry_army_dad]

Just received confirmation from the doctor. He was NOT diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. His primary diagnosis and his DQ is for Adjustment Disorder. So that appears to be the focus for now. Not sure exactly what impact that may have but our DS is following-up on the matter. His portal now indicates DQ'd, so now he waits for a waiver request.....

You didn't mention what branch or if ROTC/SA, but each will deal with waivers differently. At least for Army ROTC, mental health DQs like Adjustment Disorder and Anxiety take a longer & more convoluted path than a physical DQ. Mr. Mullen can explain the process and and did for DS (I was allowed to listen) late one night over this past summer. At least in DS's case, waiver process took an exceptionally long time (first medical appointment to final waiver granting was almost 22 months), so be prepared (emotionally and financially). Upshot is DS contracted as MS-2 in September, so can be done.

 

[MullenLE]

"At least in DS's case, waiver process took an exceptionally long time (first medical appointment to final waiver granting was almost 22 months),..."

This specific provision is for specified mental and behavioral health conditions only...and for the Army programs only

 

[thevester5]

No advice, but I feel your pain. (Im a child therapist and a mil spouse of 25 yrs-- I am careful to make parents aware of this very thing. We have to diagnose to provide therapy. My personal opinion is that therapy helps kids--thats why I do this job.
My own DD was just notified DQ for a medical diagnosis that does not physically bother her. She is a 4 yr ROTC winner and applying to USMA. Waiver process began...but very difficult because of the unknowns involved.

 

[Poster2025]

No advice, but I feel your pain. (Im a child therapist and a mil spouse of 25 yrs-- I am careful to make parents aware of this very thing. We have to diagnose to provide therapy. My personal opinion is that therapy helps kids--thats why I do this job.
My own DD was just notified DQ for a medical diagnosis that does not physically bother her. She is a 4 yr ROTC winner and applying to USMA. Waiver process began...but very difficult because of the unknowns involved.

Hang in there. As a scholarship winner, a waiver is initiated, so that's good news. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on the scholarship.

 

[MullenLE]

thevester5 - a DoDMERB DQ, does NOT mean game over. Many of our DQs , at the direction of the Department of Defense, are ultimately waived.

Google "DoDMERB;" Hit "Questions on the process;" Read that document for a better awareness on the process

 

[thevester5]

Thank you Mr Mullen. We are keeping the faith