Hey everyone,
I had one concern in my essay that I was hoping I could get some non-biased eyes to look at. My concern is that I may come across as kind of tooting my own horn at points in the following essay:
I have lived a life where war wasn’t a major part of my life, where I can speak my beliefs and convictions without harm coming to me or my family. I grew up very aware of that, with my parents being immigrants from Ethiopia. They saw many of the very things that I have been protected from. Knowing this gave me a love for my country, one that intensified as I realized the amazing ways to give back, specifically the Marine Corps. Appreciation, however, is not my sole reason for wanting to be a Marine Corps Officer.
My third year on the Varsity Wrestling team, I was named Captain for my commitment to the betterment of not only myself but of my team. As Captain I was responsible for morale, warm ups, and extra training. Above all I was expected to set the example, always on time, never missing weight. While I would never coast through practice in the past seasons, this was another level of intensity. 100% was now the minimum. Mental toughness and perseverance were no longer areas to improve, but the foundation of my training.
The past wrestling season was a testament to my will. There were countless days where I would have practice in the mornings and practice at a club in the afternoon, where after practice, I’d head home and throw on sweats and run for a couple hours. These trials and ordeals all brought times where I would say to myself “Why am I here?” or “I just want to eat”. Each time, I fought them off, ran faster, drilled harder, wrestled better. I took the doubt, and turned it into fuel. As a result, I became more in tune with who I am as a person. Looking \over my life, specifically this past season, I have seen that no matter the obstacle, no matter the challenge, I have it in me to get past it. One of the first things my coach said to me was “Kiru, you’re a fighter. You see a challenge and aren’t afraid. You see a challenge and you attack it.”. That is integral to who I am, that fighting spirit, I’m not me without it.
When I first started considering the Marine Corps, some of the first things that stood out were how similar the mindset of a Marine is to that of a wrestler. The perseverance, dedication, and mental toughness gained from wrestling are direct correlations to the Corps. Leading a group of men that share these ideals is what I will work towards, regardless of whether I receive the scholarship this time around, or not. I will join the NROTC unit with or without a scholarship, and commission into the Marine Corps, one way or another.
Specifically in the middle of the essay. I also welcome any other, more general advice.
Thank you
I had one concern in my essay that I was hoping I could get some non-biased eyes to look at. My concern is that I may come across as kind of tooting my own horn at points in the following essay:
I have lived a life where war wasn’t a major part of my life, where I can speak my beliefs and convictions without harm coming to me or my family. I grew up very aware of that, with my parents being immigrants from Ethiopia. They saw many of the very things that I have been protected from. Knowing this gave me a love for my country, one that intensified as I realized the amazing ways to give back, specifically the Marine Corps. Appreciation, however, is not my sole reason for wanting to be a Marine Corps Officer.
My third year on the Varsity Wrestling team, I was named Captain for my commitment to the betterment of not only myself but of my team. As Captain I was responsible for morale, warm ups, and extra training. Above all I was expected to set the example, always on time, never missing weight. While I would never coast through practice in the past seasons, this was another level of intensity. 100% was now the minimum. Mental toughness and perseverance were no longer areas to improve, but the foundation of my training.
The past wrestling season was a testament to my will. There were countless days where I would have practice in the mornings and practice at a club in the afternoon, where after practice, I’d head home and throw on sweats and run for a couple hours. These trials and ordeals all brought times where I would say to myself “Why am I here?” or “I just want to eat”. Each time, I fought them off, ran faster, drilled harder, wrestled better. I took the doubt, and turned it into fuel. As a result, I became more in tune with who I am as a person. Looking \over my life, specifically this past season, I have seen that no matter the obstacle, no matter the challenge, I have it in me to get past it. One of the first things my coach said to me was “Kiru, you’re a fighter. You see a challenge and aren’t afraid. You see a challenge and you attack it.”. That is integral to who I am, that fighting spirit, I’m not me without it.
When I first started considering the Marine Corps, some of the first things that stood out were how similar the mindset of a Marine is to that of a wrestler. The perseverance, dedication, and mental toughness gained from wrestling are direct correlations to the Corps. Leading a group of men that share these ideals is what I will work towards, regardless of whether I receive the scholarship this time around, or not. I will join the NROTC unit with or without a scholarship, and commission into the Marine Corps, one way or another.
Specifically in the middle of the essay. I also welcome any other, more general advice.
Thank you
