Good afternoon. I am in the process of finishing my application to USNA. I am just now working on the final part which is the personal statement. If I were to post my essay here would someone would be so kind as to review it and scrutinize it. Is that acceptable in this forum? I appreciate your help in advance.
essay review
- Thread starter Crewcap05
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Huursoldaat
USNA 2026 Dad
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I would also be happy to read it off you want to pm. That is once you rate PM capabilities.
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@Crewcap05
The suggestion was for you to private message those who have offered to review your essay, for a 1:1 discussion, rather than put it out into the public domain for all eternity, where anyone can take the content as their own or mine it for private information.
You will have PM ability after 1 week as a registered user, 5 posts, and enough time for the server system to update. May I recommend you delete the posts with your essays?
The suggestion was for you to private message those who have offered to review your essay, for a 1:1 discussion, rather than put it out into the public domain for all eternity, where anyone can take the content as their own or mine it for private information.
You will have PM ability after 1 week as a registered user, 5 posts, and enough time for the server system to update. May I recommend you delete the posts with your essays?
Will do, I apologize and I thank you for your suggestion.
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Here’s an important caveat to posing your essay online for public critique: None of us knows you. Therefore, we have no idea how genuine, authentic or truthful it is. And those are hugely important aspects of an effective essay.
Folks here can give you general advice, and it can be good. (As with all things anonymous and online, caveat emptor.) But for the best feedback, share your essay with a trusted teacher or counselor. They know you well enough to ensure that it’s an accurate reflection of you — and to call BS if necessary. An adult relative or friend can work too, but they might be too close to you to give pointed feedback.
So have it with the advice you get here. But don’t make it your last stop before submitting.
Folks here can give you general advice, and it can be good. (As with all things anonymous and online, caveat emptor.) But for the best feedback, share your essay with a trusted teacher or counselor. They know you well enough to ensure that it’s an accurate reflection of you — and to call BS if necessary. An adult relative or friend can work too, but they might be too close to you to give pointed feedback.
So have it with the advice you get here. But don’t make it your last stop before submitting.
Thank you. All very good points that I did not think of. I have given it to my mom and dad but of course they are biased. I will also send it to my coach and history teacher who I have a good relationship with, but I also wanted to see what an outsider thought when they read it. Also, since this is a forum comprised of individuals that have gone through or know people or have helped people through the application process, I thought it would be a good idea to ask here as well. Again, I thank you for your suggestions and I will take everyone's input and where it's coming from all into consideration when I make any revisions/changes. Have a wonderful night.
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@CaptMJ advice is concise but much more important than most realize.
In your essays, ATFQ, while also telling a unique story about YOU relative to the essay prompt. Remember ALL want to serve, ALL have good grades, ALL have ECAs...your "story" should be unique to you. For example: one might write about one or two specific challenges (hardships, adverse situations) you overcame that makes YOU more prepared for the SA challenge. Remember the SA is just a path to Commission...the primary objective.
ProTip 1= hand pick two family members to review and edit (pick the two that are good at written communications). If you have access to a writing lab at school that's also a good place to get assistance. ProTip 2= If you have too many words...read each sentence and remove any word that can be removed without changing the meaning of the sentence.
Essays don't have to be master pieces, but they do need to ATFQ!
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Happy to review and comment (and, if you like, run it by my DD - current mid).
I'm a lawyer, published author (peer-reviewed publications), served as an editor for a law review, followed by a clerkship drafting opinions for a judge with the US Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit. It's not about me as much as just relating what I can add for independent, objective review. Again, happy to help.
I'm a lawyer, published author (peer-reviewed publications), served as an editor for a law review, followed by a clerkship drafting opinions for a judge with the US Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit. It's not about me as much as just relating what I can add for independent, objective review. Again, happy to help.
Thank you so much for your advice. I will send it to my English teacher who I have a good rapport with. Again I appreciate your help.
Thank you! As soon as I can PM I will send it to you. I greatly appreciate your help!
PS. Some things that work for me. This is a buffet; take what you want
1. For review, print out a hard copy and use red pen/pencil. It is much harder to proof work on a screen.
2. For grammar/punctuation, read the work backwards, one line at a time. Use a blank sheet to cover content above. The technique forces your brain to focus on what is on the page as opposed to what you think is there. When you spend a lot of time with a given work, your brain tends to automatically fill in the gaps.
3. Have someone else read the prompt to you first and then read your work to you. Great benefit to have an objective , fresh (not exposed to either the prompt or your work yet) third party listen in. Neither you nor the third party should have a copy. Listen and take notes. I find that this step results in revisions at least a couple of times. You want the written work to flow like a story.
Few know what goes on in the USNA admission committee meetings. I have, however, been involved in recruiting meetings for large organizations. Frequently, the conversation over candidates will gravitate to one member saying "listen to this" and then proceed to read out loud to everyone in the room (who MAY have the same material in front of them).
4. When you think you are done, put it aside for a week - really. Then come back and read the prompt fresh and make an outline/checklist of what you would like to cover as if you lost your "final" and had to start over. Then read your final and compare with the checklist.
I know this is a lot of work. Good writing is.
With respect.
1. For review, print out a hard copy and use red pen/pencil. It is much harder to proof work on a screen.
2. For grammar/punctuation, read the work backwards, one line at a time. Use a blank sheet to cover content above. The technique forces your brain to focus on what is on the page as opposed to what you think is there. When you spend a lot of time with a given work, your brain tends to automatically fill in the gaps.
3. Have someone else read the prompt to you first and then read your work to you. Great benefit to have an objective , fresh (not exposed to either the prompt or your work yet) third party listen in. Neither you nor the third party should have a copy. Listen and take notes. I find that this step results in revisions at least a couple of times. You want the written work to flow like a story.
Few know what goes on in the USNA admission committee meetings. I have, however, been involved in recruiting meetings for large organizations. Frequently, the conversation over candidates will gravitate to one member saying "listen to this" and then proceed to read out loud to everyone in the room (who MAY have the same material in front of them).
4. When you think you are done, put it aside for a week - really. Then come back and read the prompt fresh and make an outline/checklist of what you would like to cover as if you lost your "final" and had to start over. Then read your final and compare with the checklist.
I know this is a lot of work. Good writing is.
With respect.
I would suggest an English teacher review for syntax/grammar/composition/etc. None of us here know you, so I would suggest you have someone who does review and critique the contents of your essay. You may have left out something important about yourself that would enhance the essay and only someone who actually knows you will be able to point that out. Posting your essay in public is generally not a good idea.
Another thing that helps catch grammatical/syntax errors is to read it out loud, even if it's just to the wall. I had to do this for an assignment once and it helped me catch places where my sentences shifted abruptly, the flow of the piece was otherwise disrupted, or where I had made a grammatical error.
Heatherg21
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Reading it out loud to someone who knows you and is willing to tell you a part of it is not working is huge. For years, I read DS's essays out loud to him, and he edited his work initially using that method.
And the remark about making this essay about YOU is critical. Imagine being the admissions team and reading 18,000 essays. There better be something in yours that leaves a positive impression that is memorable.
I also recommend the free edition of Grammarly. I recommend it to all of my students. Makes you a better, more concise writer over time.
And the remark about making this essay about YOU is critical. Imagine being the admissions team and reading 18,000 essays. There better be something in yours that leaves a positive impression that is memorable.
I also recommend the free edition of Grammarly. I recommend it to all of my students. Makes you a better, more concise writer over time.