Helicopter parents and you

CC. Hopefully my post didn't come off as defensive. :) There is no doubt that some of our family and friends think we are helicopter parents. We all know parents who do their kids science projects or finished their child's challenge math problems. That approach is a disservice. After the 7th grade, I never knew what homework assignment was due. They just knew that homework came 1st before they could play. Their grades were always A's so I didn't need to worry about those details.

My goal was always to help them to a certain point and then back off. An analogy is when I balanced their 1st several bike ride attempts. I helped until they could ride the bike themselves. Mission accomplished.

But many people confuse deep parent involvement with being a helicopter parent. This forum is full of passionate parents who are heavily involved. Super successful kids usually don't happen by accident. Since people don't know all of the details of how we manage our family, friends and family might assume we do more than we do. Our kids (to this point) have been the center of our universe. The next stage of our lives are about to begin. IMHO, some people are jumping to conclusions that involved parents who post on this forum at helicopter parents when they are just research and detail freaks. :)
 
MN-Dad-2016 said:
IMHO, some people are jumping to conclusions that involved parents who post on this forum at helicopter parents when they are just research and detail freaks. :)
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I don't think anyone is jumping to THAT conclusion. We have some helicopter parents on here, no doubt. We have some parents who's kids never graduated, but STILL are on here, engaging in debates. We have PLENTY of parents on here who haven't stepped into the area of helicopter parenting. They have found a comfortable place where they can be supportive without doing it all for their kids.
 
Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.
 
Jcleppe said:
Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.
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Yes, there's a main one and then lots of the Parent Clubs have their own pages too, I believe. And there's a listserve too. :smile:
 
LineInTheSand said:
First, "Navy for Moms" is not official.

Second, I don't know of any equivalent for the Coast Guard. Closest thing I can think of is the CGA Parents Association.... which was disturbing to cadets anyway.
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It still is disturbing to cadets these days.

I'm a 1/c cadet at the Academy and I can say I've never had a problem with "helicopter parenting." My father is AD Army on the enlisted side, so that may be why I got so lucky. They don't need someone to translate the military jargon, and they realized that when I raised my hand... I was no longer their responsibility.

(I'm sure that they actually saw it as a great relief :wink: )

My mother has said from day one that she will not call me because she understands that she will never learn my schedule. My dad sends me email "pings" periodically but they're not so much questions about my day to day life or how I'm doing as they are emails on leadership theory and his own experiences that he's trying to impart to me.

When I do have a question and I ask my dad his first response is normally "Have you talked to your Company Officer about this?" or something along those lines.

There have been times where I may have wished my parents had been more "hovering," but looking back on the last three years, I am eternally grateful that they have not been. My parents walked out the main gate on R-Day and wished me luck. That's honestly the way I feel it should be in my *limited* opinion, as a cadet.
 
Except for mine said:
Not only that but LITS was so salty that he was born on the crest o' the wave and rocked in the cradle of the deep as well!

Ironic how many of us share that same birthplace :thumb:
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Jcleppe said:
Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.
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West Point has an official information page called West Point Parents. There are two unofficial pages, West Point Moms and West Point Dads.

The information from the mom site over time led to the writing of The Mom's Guide to Surviving West Point. It's not about "hovering." It's about understanding what's going on to better support your cadet.
 
mom3boys said:
West Point has an official information page called West Point Parents. There are two unofficial pages, West Point Moms and West Point Dads.

The information from the mom site over time led to the writing of The Mom's Guide to Surviving West Point. It's not about "hovering." It's about understanding what's going on to better support your cadet.
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Thanks, sounds like a great way to stay informed, beats pestering the kids for info all the time.

We didn't have anything like that with ROTC, some Battalions may have but we just winged it. I met one of the cadets father at the University's Dad's Day, other then that the first time I met or talked to the other parents was at the commissioning. It would have been nice to have some way to get even a little aquainted with some of the other families. Most of what we learned about ROTC came from our son and this board.

Totally off subject.....Do you have Banana Spiders in your part of GA. My son has told us all about them at Ft. Rucker. Makes trampling through the woods a whole lot of fun I hear.
 
Occasionally I see them...they spin amazing webs! My son killed a black widow the weekend he moved into his house in Enterprise!
 
Interesting thread...very interesting. Gave me some laughs and some reason to pause and gasp. I had no clue that some parents actually did such things. Amaazing how they stepped in to keep their sons/daughters from learning and doing on their own and as a result growing up! Wow..

Our experience was a tad different I guess...we took DS to airport, hugged him and said "good luck"...we'll see you on Parent's Weekend. Got that "first Call" during the summer and said "keep up the good work"..."it's all to help make you a better leader and officer, you wanted this, you can do this...now go do it...and, by the way...we are very proud of you".

Never once contacted the Academy Administration about anything...feltt like it was DS's responsibility and job to figure it out and fix it or learn from it. If he asked our opinion and perhaps asked what we would suggest he do in a certain situation we told him, but never offered our opinion. Figured that he was a Midshipman, had earned the right to be there and had the ability and intelligence to get through to graduation.

Never have understood this helicopter parent thing...listened to my wife talk about these folks often as she was a public school teacher...try that on if you want to experience helicopter parenting "up close and personal"...Ha!

My personal opinion is that parents are doing their sons and daughetrs no favors if they always step in and try to "help"" and thus prevent the bnatural consequences from taking their course in school related things. Sort of like the "everyone gets a ribbon" and everyone makes the team thing"...still don't get that.

My Dad and Mom gave me the confidence to make my own decisions and to "figure it out", and to this day I see that as the greatest parenting gift I was ever given. We tried to do the same for our kids...as did our other two, our Midshipman turned out pretty well...just got his notice of promotion to Lt. Cmdr and is current a medical resident at the naval Hospital in San Diego after a flight surgeon's tour in Iraq.

Me, I'd have told him to forget that med school thing...in fact I did tell him to have a Plan B ready to go...didn't need Plan B. If you think you might be a helicopter parent, you proabably are...try to back off and let your DS and/or DD lean and expeience...you won't always be there to make decisions for them...trust them...they can and will handle it.

Congrats to all here who have or have had sons/daughters at any of our service academies...you did something right and your sons and daughters are leaders. Let them learn to lead!
 
Douglas MacArthur's mom

Rumor has it that MacArthur's mother stayed on campus at the original Thayer hotel while he was there. He still did alright.
 
I think that is true:

Rumor has it that she could see his room from The Thayer and check if he was studying by seeing if the lights were on.

http://lisawallerrogers.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/general-macarthur-had-a-helicopter-mom/

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q...l&id=1E32349CFCFE28CFE0405DFE9E7759170D631AA9

Worked out for all of us.

"Duty Honor Country" I actually remember the speech and it was moving.

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Duty,_honor,_country

"the soldier above all prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war."
 
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27,000 views for this thread. Wow.

In the Air Force area the question came up, about a nasty snow ball fight:

"My question is how many people would continue to support this tradition in its current form if their son or daughter received an injury that either kept them from going flight, being commissioned or graduating?"

My answer. Who cares? If you didn't support it, how would you show it? Pull your "kid?" You can't, they're all adults.
 
LineInTheSand said:
27,000 views for this thread. Wow.

In the Air Force area the question came up, about a nasty snow ball fight:

"My question is how many people would continue to support this tradition in its current form if their son or daughter received an injury that either kept them from going flight, being commissioned or graduating?"

My answer. Who cares? If you didn't support it, how would you show it? Pull your "kid?" You can't, they're all adults.
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Thank you.

This whole First snow/First Shirt thing (not a snow ball fight) at USAFA is a product of relieving stress at the Academy. The young men and women involved in this incident ARE adults. It is not Mommy and Daddy's place to intervene in this matter. BGen Lengyel has stated that the cadets must figure out how to reduce injuries or FS/FS is gone. The Air Force and the cadets will figure it out. There is NO reason for parents to get involved.
 
Dad said:
Thank you.

This whole First snow/First Shirt thing (not a snow ball fight) at USAFA is a product of relieving stress at the Academy. The young men and women involved in this incident ARE adults. It is not Mommy and Daddy's place to intervene in this matter. BGen Lengyel has stated that the cadets must figure out how to reduce injuries or FS/FS is gone. The Air Force and the cadets will figure it out. There is NO reason for parents to get involved.
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+1 :thumb:
 
It still amazes me the "DIFFERENCE" in parental attitude between parents who's son or daughter left home at 17-18 years old and "ENLISTED" in the military; went to Lackland AFB Tx, Fort Benning, Fort Knox, Great Lakes, etc...; compared to those who's son or daughter went to the air force academy, west point, annapolis, king's point, etc...????

It's like 2 totally different sets of parents. The parents of the enlisted heading to boot camp/basic training understand and accept the "FACT" that their son or daughter has "JOINED THE MILITARY". That they are now part of the military, responsible for their own actions, and are no longer "Mommy and Daddy's little boy or girl".

The academy parents on the other hand tend to not realize that their son or daughter are "ACTUALLY IN THE MILITARY". They consider and see them more like "Off to College". And because they see it as "College" and NOT THE MILITARY, they consider little Johnny or Janie still as their little boy or girl. That they; the parent; still are responsible for their babies. That they, the parent, are still suppose to be totally involved with their son or daughter's life. Probably just like one of their older children who did attend a traditional college.

Yes, I am painting with a large brush. Not ALL academy parents are like this. And I'm sure there are some enlisted parents who try to stay in constant contact with their enlisted son or daughter after basic training/boot camp. But generally speaking, there IS a DIFFERENCE between enlisted and academy parents. One accepts the fact that their child has "Joined the Military". The other thinks of their child as "Off to College".

Sorry folks, but little johnny and janie are NOT "Off to College". They ARE in the military. If a serious war was started, and the military deemed it necessary, they would put little johnny's academy "College" education on hold; hand him a gun or similar military duty; and ship his butt off to the war if necessary. They ARE in the military. Just like the 18 year old enlisted who graduated basic training/boot camp. As soon as some parents understand this, they will be able to allow their son or daughter to grow up the way they are suppose to.
 
Christcorp:

I do remember Lackland and my parents reaction to my enlistment in the middle of college. Not Good. My DD at USNA was a whole different story. Never thought of it in that way but a very interesting perspective. After TBS graduation it does start to hit home that it isn't Yale or Stamford.
 
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AF6872 said:
Christcorp:

I do remember Lackland and my parents reaction to my enlistment in the middle of college. Not Good. My DD at USNA was a whole different story. Never thought of it in that way but a very interesting perspective. After TBS graduation it does start to hit home that it isn't Yale or Stamford.
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As a person who has marched in uniform, you have a different perspective than a person who has not. As a non-military parent, it is more difficult to absorb into the heart (not mentally) that my son has chosen the profession of arms. It is not a place where everyone plays and gets a trophy. You have to do your best (you need a little luck to get noticed), get in a position that you enjoy (luck plays a role here as well), and then get lucky with the promotion cycle. You are certainly correct that this "isn't Yale or Stamford." Well said. :thumb:
 
AF didn't march a lot. "Profession Of Arms" is one of the most honorable that anyone could choose and they are getting fewer and fewer as a percentage of the population. Good luck to your Son. My prayers are with him.
 
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