Helicopter parents and you

patentesq said:
Uncle.
Click to expand...

Please don't do that. It's ok to disagree with each other. It's ok to "Agree to disagree". It's ok to have a totally different perspective than each other. But to stop responding because of frustration and you feel you're arguing with someone isn't cool. Hopefully you don't feel this way.

I simply provide my opinion. I don't ask anyone to buy it or automatically agree with me. In each of your posts, I "HAVE LEARNED" more from a different person's perspective. That is good. That is how we learn. Even if a person is a so called expert, I NEVER accept what they say as fact, simply because they are an authority. I am going to make the FINAL DECISION on what i believe. I taught this to my kids too. Just because a teacher told you, doesn't mean they are right. Take what others say, digest it, analyze it, and decide for yourself.

If you truly believe that a typical cadet isn't mature enough yet to take care of themselves, and they need mommy/daddy or surrogate via "The military" to take care of them; (In some matters) that's cool. You don't have to agree with my position. My position is simply my opinion. Based on my experiences and life. I'm not trying to convince you either way. Simply responding in areas that I tend to disagree with. Like I said; I've LEARNED quite a bit about this topic from yours and other's posts on this subject. Doesn't mean I've done a 180 on my position; but I have changed my perception of the situation based on other's perspective. Please don't "Quit" on my account.
 
Just a thought

I agree with a lot of what has been posted... Just be careful not to send the signal that you don't care, when you're trying to figure out your new boundaries as parents.

DS is at an SMC for more than one reason... The military lifestyle although rigorous and difficult gives a sense of security and brotherhood as do the SA's. They learn to be dependent on each other and trust each other. Flying solo is not an option. I believe no matter how old we become people need friends and family..people that they can count on. There is no shame in that because it is part of the human psyche. People Need People. The many previous points basically allude to the same thing. Our DS and DD's just transfer their need for people from Mom and Dad to their CO's, professor's and fellow cadets.

I want to know the details of my Sons life and I find out because he tells us a lot. Yes I am paying most of the tuition and could demand it like a fool and use it as leverage, but that is not the issue. I ask because I care and I want to know what my son is going through. But I know how to phrase questions so that DS is not offended and I let him offer info as he wishes to divulge it. I would still ask the same questions had he been accepted to Annapolis or WP. Do I meddle in his life?... That would humiliate him. I raised him to be a man not a Mommies boy, and I understand the role change. Ask him if he needs us and I know what the answer is... With finals approaching I can tell by the emails he needs a cheerleader and some moral support. Not to mention food for finals week to fill his food box. Don't assume that your adult kids don't want you to ask how their classes are going or if they like their roommates. Or that they will be offended to hear that you are praying for their Calc test. It is a time of transition for them and to assume that it is good to not ask these things any more may send a signal that you don't care. It's a fine line at times and I am not talking about controlling them or solving their problems where they have their own resources. I was almost 30 when I lost my Dad and the greatest loss for me was not only our occasional fishing trips, but the loss of the wealth of wisdom that his 30 extra years of life experience shed on mine. Just my 2 cents..
 
Christcorp said:
Please don't do that. It's ok to disagree with each other. It's ok to "Agree to disagree". It's ok to have a totally different perspective than each other. But to stop responding because of frustration and you feel you're arguing with someone isn't cool. Hopefully you don't feel this way.

I simply provide my opinion. I don't ask anyone to buy it or automatically agree with me. In each of your posts, I "HAVE LEARNED" more from a different person's perspective. That is good. That is how we learn. Even if a person is a so called expert, I NEVER accept what they say as fact, simply because they are an authority. I am going to make the FINAL DECISION on what i believe. I taught this to my kids too. Just because a teacher told you, doesn't mean they are right. Take what others say, digest it, analyze it, and decide for yourself.

If you truly believe that a typical cadet isn't mature enough yet to take care of themselves, and they need mommy/daddy or surrogate via "The military" to take care of them; (In some matters) that's cool. You don't have to agree with my position. My position is simply my opinion. Based on my experiences and life. I'm not trying to convince you either way. Simply responding in areas that I tend to disagree with. Like I said; I've LEARNED quite a bit about this topic from yours and other's posts on this subject. Doesn't mean I've done a 180 on my position; but I have changed my perception of the situation based on other's perspective. Please don't "Quit" on my account.
Click to expand...

Sorry, Christcorp. I apologize for not responding more adequately to your last post. That was disrespectful for me to plead "uncle" too quickly. I have to give you a quick response because I have limited time right now.

If you look back at my posts, I have said that these kids are perfectly capable of handling themselve. The sky is not falling. Please re-read my post.

The main point I made in that last post, perhaps inartfully, was largely in response to your point about "AUTHORITY FIGURE" (caps are in your original post). Like it or not, the military is their new authority figure now and parents should not interfere in the process -- not because of some fear of harming the child's perceived, fragile "self-esteem." The cadets do NOT have a fragile self-esteem.

It's almost like me interfering with the "child-rearing" (call it "discipline", if that is your preference) of another parent's child. I have no business telling another "authority figure" how to do their business, just like I do not have business interfering with my DS's relationship with the Army. That was the point I was making. And I know that relinquishing the "authority figure" status can be a hard pill for many to swallow.

But again, there is absolutely, positively no reason why a parent can't help their children. And I think those who think they are harming their kids by doing so is plain wrong.
 
Best learning experience

As parents we assisted our cadet when asked by him. Not any other time.
Did we worry? Yup! It was a time of growth for us too!

Sometimes the best learning experience comes thru doing something incorrectly. In other words failure. Hard lesson, well learned and remembered.
 
I always wanted to be a helicopter parent, but with 9 children, all the time I could afford with each was some touch and go's.
 
thealt said:
I always wanted to be a helicopter parent, but with 9 children, all the time I could afford with each was some touch and go's.
Click to expand...

Sorry, but I don't think a "Helicopter" would work enough to "hover" over your kids.

For you, I think we'll use the terminology "Satellite Parent". You need a LOT MORE ALTITUDE to watch over 9 kids. God bless you. :thumb: Mike....
 
Just curious...If your son is going to be a Helicopter Pilot, does that by default make you a Helicopter Parent.
 
Jcleppe said:
Just curious...If your son is going to be a Helicopter Pilot, does that by default make you a Helicopter Parent.
Click to expand...

Only if he graduates from flight school (rotary) first. Then you would be a Helicopter Pilot Parent. Not all HPPs are Helicopter Parents but some are. Not all HPs are HPPs either, but that's another story.
 
bpu said:
Only if he graduates from flight school (rotary) first. Then you would be a Helicopter Pilot Parent. Not all HPPs are Helicopter Parents but some are. Not all HPs are HPPs either, but that's another story.
Click to expand...

You do know I was joking, right?
 
A little story...

Many moons ago, back in 1975, I was offered an appointment to USAFA. I wanted with every fiber of my being to be a fighter pilot. Unfortunately, during my physical, I found out I was colorblind and was told I would not be able to be a pilot, but could be a navigator. I decided that I would join the AF as an enlisted member to "try out the AF to see if being a navigator there would be okay with me, and if so, to go to the academy from the enlisted ranks." I didn't know the requirements were different from the AD side, and didn't know to ask.

That was my reasoning, I didn't know who to talk to, neither did my parents, or my school counselors. They respected my choice...However, I wish they had been a little more involved and helped me to research things better. This was, of course, before the internet and easy research options. I regret not taking the opportunity to attend USAFA. Instead I ended up getting my degrees by going to night school while raising a family and being an active duty enlisted person. It wasn't easy (not that USAFA is).

Now, I love my parents dearly. And I don't resent them at all. They didn't have the information I needed and didn't know where to look for it, neither did anybody I knew. My father was a civilian employee in the AF, and could have pushed a little and found out info that I needed. BUT, he respected my decision and thought my logic was good. I think that went a little too far with respecting my independence and maturity. Striking a balance between being a "Helicopter Parent" and considering a 17 year old as a mature adult is terribly important.

This is a critical time for our kids. We MUST help them to get their feet on the path. After that it's up to them.
 
profsparrow said:
Many moons ago, back in 1975, I was offered an appointment to USAFA. I wanted with every fiber of my being to be a fighter pilot. Unfortunately, during my physical, I found out I was colorblind and was told I would not be able to be a pilot, but could be a navigator. I decided that I would join the AF as an enlisted member to "try out the AF to see if being a navigator there would be okay with me, and if so, to go to the academy from the enlisted ranks." I didn't know the requirements were different from the AD side, and didn't know to ask.

That was my reasoning, I didn't know who to talk to, neither did my parents, or my school counselors. They respected my choice...However, I wish they had been a little more involved and helped me to research things better. This was, of course, before the internet and easy research options. I regret not taking the opportunity to attend USAFA. Instead I ended up getting my degrees by going to night school while raising a family and being an active duty enlisted person. It wasn't easy (not that USAFA is).

Now, I love my parents dearly. And I don't resent them at all. They didn't have the information I needed and didn't know where to look for it, neither did anybody I knew. My father was a civilian employee in the AF, and could have pushed a little and found out info that I needed. BUT, he respected my decision and thought my logic was good. I think that went a little too far with respecting my independence and maturity. Striking a balance between being a "Helicopter Parent" and considering a 17 year old as a mature adult is terribly important.

This is a critical time for our kids. We MUST help them to get their feet on the path. After that it's up to them.
Click to expand...

I agree wholeheartedly!:thumb:
 
profsparrow, great post!
I tried to get an appointment to the USNA back in 1973 but there were no nominations available in NOVA at that time. I enslisted and served 6 years, most of it on a fast attack Nuclear sub. Now I have an 18 year old who is a finalist for the USCGA, I need to make sure he understands his options if he gets an appointment.:thumb:
 
All very good comments about "Helping" our kids. But remember; this thread started off about "Helicopter Parent". Not detracting from any of the great "Assistance" posts. Just reminding everyone that there is a difference between helping our kids and being a "Helicopter Parent" who DOES everything for their kids and doesn't allow them to grow up. Do I HELP my kids do their taxes? Yes. I also help most of my co-workers. But I don't DO IT for them. Do I HELP my kids with questions about their car if it's acting up; technology questions with computers; etc...? Yes. But I don't drive down there to look at their car problems. If they can't fix it with my help, then they need to get it to a shop to work on it and they can pay for it. Do I offer advice to my son about the military because of my 21 years of experience? Yes. But I don't call the academy or representative/senator if there's a problem. He, my son, has to figure it out for himself.

Bottom line: There's a difference between "Helping - usually ONLY WHEN ASKED" and "DOING - usually not when asked and EXPECTED". So definitely, continue talking about all the ways we can "HELP" our kids. But don't confuse "HELPING" with "DOING". Mike...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top