How can I convince my parents?

[Patriot4Life]

It's been a dream of mine to join the military for quite some time. My parents aren't supportive of my decision to pursue military service and they disapprove of me attending any service academy or ROTC in general. I'm just about done with my applications for NROTC and USNA and my interviews are coming up soon. I have my BGO interview, NROTC interview, DODMERB exam, and nomination interviews within these three upcoming weeks, but my parents won't speak a word regarding any of this. What are my options if they refuse to sign off on it? I'm not 18 yet and I won't be until next fall.

RJY84. I say just do it!

I tell you why. Your parents and many parents will say no don't do it. Because it's not safe. Or because of your religious belief. My mom and my grand mother were all against the service, initially. But my dad and my grand father were always very supportive. And everyone's opinions mattered, because they all have valid point of views. But gradually, they realized that the service meant more in so many ways. I don't want to go into details, but the service can change your life very positively. If you truly want to serve the country first before your self, then you are starting with the right attitude. If you need this for free college, then there are many others to choose from. SA is to serve your country. And the country in turn rewards you for your service by providing one of the best leadership experience for the real life in any profession. And one of the best education you can have. You will also develop and discover things about yourself. Your maxima and minima. You will be a better whole person. I mean that.

If you cannot get your parents consent before the I-Day, then wait a year! And reapply when you are 18+. However, give your family time, give them respect, do not talk them down, listen to their concerns. In the end, you have to live your life. In the SAs you will be living a structured life for 4 years and you will be better prepped for the career. ROTC is another great option. If makes it different for your parents' to hear, USCGA has different mission from the other SAs. CG mission is to save lives and to protect US borders. Army, Navy, Air Force primary mission is national defense and to respond to threats, and cooperate with allies on global conflicts. Of course Army, Navy, Air Force all have non combat positions, so you can also look into those areas. Part of the journey is learning through research and talking to those who already serve in uniform.

Perhaps you look into CG if your parents are concerned of taking arms in combat roles. Again, CG primary mission is life saving and protecting American borders from outside threats seeking to enter the US ports. That can be in cyber or real. And USMMA have different mission at the academy. More option to serve in all services and commission active or reserve duty.

You said your parents are not American. As long as they don't have beef with the US, then you should be fine. I ask this question because you need security clearance at SA and before commissioning. If your family did something illegal against the state or committed terrorism against the state then that's something you need to problem solve how you can not have any of those things stick to you. If nothing of this sort, then nothing to worry about even if your parents are against the military. It is about you that's important. And many parents change, because they truly love you. And that's why they are having this sort of talk with you. So love them back!

Good luck candidate. I do hope you apply to all the SAs and attain your appointment to attend. I think you have the right character to begin your journey!

 

[SeaLegs]

Bring your parents for your BGO interview and encourage them to ask questions?

....be sure to give your BGO advanced warning of your parent’s disposition. Really help your BGO understand your passion and desire. He/she is your advocate and counselor in this process.

 

[Kierkegaard]

I highly doubt OP's parents committed terrorism. Cmon now, that's absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, it's very important not to allow others to dictate your life. You know in your heart what's right for you and you should follow that feeling. If your family doesn't understand the value in serving that's their problem. It actually is possible for 17 year olds to enlist without parental consent, if they're emancipated. Obviously that's a huge decision you may not feel comfortable with and depending on your state it could be a hassle. But it is an option.

On the other hand they may just need more information. For instance the mortality rate in the Navy is about .1% which is lower than the country's.

 

[GoArmy2022]

52% of American parents do not support their sons or daughters serving. You are not alone.

My advice - be humble and passionate about your dreams. Stay positive and let them see your passion for service. When they see you succeeding - they may turn the corner.

Best of luck to you.

Hopefully they don't disagree with you so much that they won't sign your forms, but here's a little story from me. Usually, when I give advice to other applicants, it is generalized or about someone else's experiences with the SA Applications. This one's about myself.

My dad didn't serve, nor did his parents. My mom never served and was adopted. Neither of her adoptive parents/grandparents served. On my father's side, most of my cousins are older than me because my dad is the youngest of his siblings. None of them even chose to do ROTC in college.

That being said, I am the first person in as much of my family lineage as they know to want to serve. This struck not only my parents but my extended family as odd. Who was I to not go to Miami of Ohio, (dad, aunts and uncles, & several cousins) OSU, (mom and most of our family friends) or Boston College (aunt and some cousins) like the rest of my family? My parents actually sat me down sophomore year and asked me Editwhich of these three schools I wanted to go to....they even discussed Xavier, which was my family's general Plan B or C.

I'd wanted to go to West Point since 7th grade. My parents thought I'd grow out of it like a phase; they even told me so. As I approached the end of sophomore year, I began taking standardized tests. My father took a look at my transcripts and my ACT and told me "you'll get into Miami with no problem!" then asked me to consider even Harvard, Stanford, or some of the other Ivy Leagues. He told me that maybe I'd go somewhere our family has never been before.

Stubborn as I am, I interpreted that as "hey, he's finally okay with my desire to go to West Point." I was wrong. I began my application, and to my parents' relief (but also disappointment because I was frustrated about it), was rejected from SLE. I was disappointed because I wanted to see the campus and drag them along with me...maybe then they'd open up their minds. So I didn't let the SLE rejection get to my head and instead applied to Girls State. I would work hard, and maybe then my parents would understand.

I went to Girls State and wound up receiving the scholarship to go to Girls Nation. That was the goal I made when I arrived. It was here that my mother began supporting me...she noticed how hard I was working and just knew that I wouldn't quit. And if I wasn't going to give up, the best she could do was support me because it's what I want to do. This was the beginning of getting her on my side. My dad still didn't accept it at this point, and my mom wasn't making an effort to talk to him about it yet.

Between my sit-down with my parents and my trip to Girls Nation, I had joined the powerlifting team and gotten pretty beefed up in a school year. When you're female, putting on 20 lbs is a large accomplishment. My dad and mom both wanted me to do sailing. "You're good at it. Maybe you'll even get recruited by Miami," my dad said. This year with the pl team I've already put on 10 more pounds. I sail in my free time when I have it and the weather works.

Later in my USMA application process I was offered an LOE. This basically encourages a candidate to finish the application and visit USMA overnight. Finally! I thought and called up my dad so he knew about the day he'd have to take off work. My parents were extremely relieved with the LOE. For some reason, they thought this meant I wouldn't get in. Of course, it also upset them because it's my dream.

After the overnight visit, my dad approached me and he said "so this is what you want to do?"

I nodded, and to my surprise he put his hand on my shoulder and just said "all right. Let's go buy everyone a West Point shirt."

I swear I laughed so hard I started crying. I'll never forget the moment both of my parents started supporting my dream. When my LOA came in the mail, my whole family came together and celebrated. Same deal when I got a nomination.

Don't give up on them. Don't, and I promise you'll see the day they say they won't give up on you either.

 

[peppypea]

I tend to be more pacifistic about the way I have chosen to live my life

One thing to keep in mind, and a talking point for OP -- career military officers are not typically gung ho war hawks -- they have often seen the effects of war and counsel our civilian leadership to avoid armed conflict. However, the Mission of all military services is to be prepared for war, and to defend the country if the need be. A strong military often deters war, so serving may contribute to peace.

I know- I am actually not completely stupid. If it were up to me there would be no need at all for a military, but that's not possible.

Please do not turn this into a fight, I was just saying.

 

[kinnem]

I know- I am actually not completely stupid. If it were up to me there would be no need at all for a military, but that's not possible.

Please do not turn this into a fight, I was just saying.

Don't think anyone was fighting. I think he was pointing out a spin where you could say that by joining the military you could say you were actually helping to maintain peace.

 

[ThePatternisFull]

Ask your parents if they want you to follow your dream! If they answer "yes" you are all set. Parents are usually at the BGO meeting and can ask questions. Good luck!

 

[Kensington]

It looks like you're going NROTC in the fall. Congrats!! How'd it all work out with your parents?

 

[uncblue94]

Bring your parents for your BGO interview and encourage them to ask questions?

....be sure to give your BGO advanced warning of your parent’s disposition. Really help your BGO understand your passion and desire. He/she is your advocate and counselor in this process.

My DS's BGO didn't give us the opportunity NOT to be at the interview (or at least at part of it). He made it clear that family support was important.

 

[uncblue94]

As a non-military parent that had true reservations about my DS's decision (at the age of about 12) to join the Navy and his dream of attending USNA, I can sympathize with yours, RJY84. As my son grew, his determination only strengthened. He has become the kind of young man that everyone except perhaps his father sees as a military officer. It's just who he is now even though he's still in high school. It would be impossible not to support his goals and dreams at this point. Even his father has mostly come around. If he receives an appointment (and the wait is killing his parents), we will be thrilled and proud. If he does not, he will take his NROTC scholarship and try again next year. His father has some scenario in the back of his mind whereby he receives a non-NROTC scholarship making our in-state engineering school more affordable, and that if my DS does not get an appointment he'll go that route. It's not going to happen. He'll either be at USNA or in NROTC at an out-of-state school.

 

[Old Navy BGO]

My DS's BGO didn't give us the opportunity NOT to be at the interview (or at least at part of it). He made it clear that family support was important.

This is one of those areas where BGO's differ...I do not include the parents in the interview, and am often turned off by too much parental involvement. I view this as the candidate's choice and the candidate's application. (As you can expect, I was pretty hands off when my own daughters were applying for college).

Of course, family support is important -- but too much family involvement or pressure can hurt worse than the lack of support. I discuss this with my candidates during each interview (ie.."what do your parents think about you attending USNA and serving in the military ?") and usually send the candidate home with my card with the open invitation to call me with questions about the process or USNA .

 

[uncblue94]

My DS's BGO didn't give us the opportunity NOT to be at the interview (or at least at part of it). He made it clear that family support was important.

This is one of those areas where BGO's differ...I do not include the parents in the interview, and am often turned off by too much parental involvement. I view this as the candidate's choice and the candidate's application. (As you can expect, I was pretty hands off when my own daughters were applying for college).

Of course, family support is important -- but too much family involvement or pressure can hurt worse than the lack of support. I discuss this with my candidates during each interview (ie.."what do your parents think about you attending USNA and serving in the military ?") and usually send the candidate home with my card with the open invitation to call me with questions about the process or USNA .

I wish you'd been our BGO. Ours had the interview in our home, which made me extremely nervous (what types of food to put out, etc...). He made it clear that he was looking to see that we were supportive but not pushing. We stayed for maybe 30 minutes, then we had to leave and came back after over an hour for a wrap up. We sat at a restaurant up the street feeling very anxious. My son was much more comfortable being at home, but as the primary housekeeper, it added massively to my anxiety.

 

[Old Navy BGO]

Ours had the interview in our home, which made me extremely nervous

We are all different....certainly no intent to make anyone (including the candidate ) nervous. I've only done a few at my house...usually do them at my office. I know some in my state actually meet the Candidate in restaurants or libraries between their home and the candidates (I am in a largely rural state, and have had candidates from as far away as 4 hours before).

 

[Jeepman]

I went through something similar when I was 16 and in high school. I remember coming home and announcing at the nightly dinner table with my parents and four older siblings that I wanted to attend the USAFA and become a pilot. I left the table in tears, as it was a "no way, no how" conversation. This was back in 1977, and my two oder brothers were of draft age during the Vietnam conflict, and lost a few buddies over there. Anti-war sentiment was prevalent in my household.

Fast forward to the present, and I have a son who just received his commission to the USCGA and I am very happy for him. He spent a week at USNA Summer Session, and was sold on the idea of military service from that point on.

Whatever decision you make just do it with dignity and honor. You have your entire life to live and it is yours to live. Your journey will be part of the fun. For me, I ended up as a Partner at a JMO recruiting firm and "served" my country for 12 years by placing those transitioning out into civilian careers. That was my path to service, as it turned out, but at least I did something. If I have one regret in my life, it is that I did not serve as an officer in the military via an SA. That said, I have lived a wonderful life. In the end, follow your heart while keeping a keen eye on what truly matters to you and your country. My two cents.....

 

[AF6872]

As former Military family BGO did not spend a lot of time with parents. Did all interview for DD at our house and Interview for DS with BGO for USNA at our house also. USFA interview for DS was at Starbucks. One made it and one didn't. But he still has his USNR Commission. He worked for it for four years.

 

[rjy84]

It looks like you're going NROTC in the fall. Congrats!! How'd it all work out with your parents?

Thanks. They're still a bit reluctant but it's a LOT closer since its USC (I got rejected by USNA so....). I'll be 18 at the end of this year so they'll have little say even if they still don't want me to serve.

 

[AF6872]

Your Parents always have a say. You don't have to follow but at least listen.