My dd is a senior at a small high school (college prep / military). She has always been in the top 10% of her class. She works hard, does the work herself, has many extra-curricular activities and member of all honor societies. During Covid, the school did not offer a virtual option (20/21 school year). If a parent did not feel safe sending the kids back, they had to pull their kids out of the school and enroll them elsewhere - but their spot at the school was held. One of my dd classmates pulled their son (who was #1) and enrolled him in a private school with an online option in a neighboring city. Well, this kid has returned and with his gpa from the other school (which because of Covid our school has to accept) he has positioned himself as #1 once again. That is all fine, but this year, my dd says he now gets accommodations for his testing. She learned today that he gets twice the time for all tests and takes the tests in another room. Today was the first AP Calc test and this kid gets this huge advantage!! It just doesn't seem fair! It is a small school (only 60 in 12th grade) and to have a "top" kid get double the time to do the challenging courses is not right! When the kids were younger, I know this kid's mom would do his projects with him (I am tempted to say for him). I am sure when he did school online, she probably did a lot of the work for him. It all just infuriates me, but I try to tell myself (and my dd) that at some point in time he is going to have to put his "big boy" pants on and do the work with the same limitations as everyone else. What breaks my heart is that one of mu dd classmates will likely get dropped from the #2 spot and lose an automatic scholarship/ acceptance to the flagship university in the state.
Is this fair?
- Thread starter PRBWJB
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Let this go. You can only control yourself, not others, so pay no attention to them. You imply that this student is getting accommodations unfairly but, because you are not his mother, his doctor, or the school, you don’t have the full story (even if you think you do), so you need to let this go, too. Your role is your DD’s mother, not anyone else’s judge, so channel this energy to helping your daughter focus on doing her best regardless of what others do. All the rest is noise.
Your reaction is very natural. At a small school, it's easy to get caught up in the everyday drama and existing relationships. However, that will all seem small and insignificant the day you are taking your own child to college. Agree you have no idea why the accommodations.
Some people always land on their feet. The ones you have to watch out for are the ones that always seem to land in the middle of someone else's back. Doesn't seem like this applies in this situation. Nothing has changed for DD - it's not as if they took time away from everyone else to give to him!
On a humorous note, my DH rolled his eyes when the val & sal speeches came. He leaned over and said he'd much rather hear from the person that was exactly in the middle of the class and the person that graduated last in the class, and what their high school experience meant to them.
Some people always land on their feet. The ones you have to watch out for are the ones that always seem to land in the middle of someone else's back. Doesn't seem like this applies in this situation. Nothing has changed for DD - it's not as if they took time away from everyone else to give to him!
On a humorous note, my DH rolled his eyes when the val & sal speeches came. He leaned over and said he'd much rather hear from the person that was exactly in the middle of the class and the person that graduated last in the class, and what their high school experience meant to them.
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There is more to a scholarship profile than class ranking. At least most scholarships.
And after high school, in college, no one cares that you were ranked #1 or #2.
Don’t concern yourself with this. Sometimes, knowing less is better. Celebrate your own child’s accomplishments. Nothing anyone else does can take away for your child’s successes. And if changing class rank makes her loose some scholarship monies? Oh well.
Life is not fair. And there are no guarantees. ‘Ya just have to keep on, ‘keepin on!! Eventually what goes around, comes around. Our responsibility is to do our own best. It’s all we can do.
And after high school, in college, no one cares that you were ranked #1 or #2.
Don’t concern yourself with this. Sometimes, knowing less is better. Celebrate your own child’s accomplishments. Nothing anyone else does can take away for your child’s successes. And if changing class rank makes her loose some scholarship monies? Oh well.
Life is not fair. And there are no guarantees. ‘Ya just have to keep on, ‘keepin on!! Eventually what goes around, comes around. Our responsibility is to do our own best. It’s all we can do.
Each of these responses it spot on. I would only emphasize the your DD has a WHOLE lot of life to live over the next several years and please don't let her get distracted from making the most of it.
This goes back several years, but my DS spent his junior year of HS in Brazil. None of the credits transferred. He graduated on time in four years, but by some trickery of math known only to school system, his class rank dropped from single digits to triple digits (out of 300+) from sophomore to senior year while his GPA never dropped. That was the number that went out on his transcripts. If my memory is right, I think we just said something like, "So what? If they can't look at his GPA, coursework, and CV then, they really aren't interested in him, so he's not interested in them."
Fast forward through a gap year, AROTC and three years active duty as a Signal Officer. (That's a total of 8 years), He was attached to an SF battalion. He got the call, as a 1LT, to be Officer in Charge of training mission to Brazil because 1)He did his Signal job competently and 2) there wasn't another Portuguese speaking Officer in the entire battalion. As the rest of his career has unfolded, I don't think he would trade that year in Brazil for a single digit class rank.
As I said, your DD has a lot of living to do. Don't let her waste it worrying about what other people are doing.
Best of luck to her! I bet she'll kill it.
This goes back several years, but my DS spent his junior year of HS in Brazil. None of the credits transferred. He graduated on time in four years, but by some trickery of math known only to school system, his class rank dropped from single digits to triple digits (out of 300+) from sophomore to senior year while his GPA never dropped. That was the number that went out on his transcripts. If my memory is right, I think we just said something like, "So what? If they can't look at his GPA, coursework, and CV then, they really aren't interested in him, so he's not interested in them."
Fast forward through a gap year, AROTC and three years active duty as a Signal Officer. (That's a total of 8 years), He was attached to an SF battalion. He got the call, as a 1LT, to be Officer in Charge of training mission to Brazil because 1)He did his Signal job competently and 2) there wasn't another Portuguese speaking Officer in the entire battalion. As the rest of his career has unfolded, I don't think he would trade that year in Brazil for a single digit class rank.
As I said, your DD has a lot of living to do. Don't let her waste it worrying about what other people are doing.
Best of luck to her! I bet she'll kill it.
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so they were unable to add that honor to their applications.