I've stopped telling others about my kid's plans...

S

snowieWI3

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Aug 12, 2019
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I'm sure some of you have encountered this....I find this so interesting - I can say that my daughter wants to go to MIT to design see-saws or to apply to Julliard to master her nose flute and all get the same reaction "ohh wow! Great for her! How exciting!" The moment I say "she focused into getting into a military academy" is like a wave of instant negativity. "Oh well, have a plan B because she won't get in" "They're so selective...why set her up for failure?" Or my personal favorite from earlier this week "oh...can you not afford to even send her to community college?" What? So now I just shrug my shoulders and say "do decisions yet" and keep quiet after that. My daughter loves it though - she loves being the underdog no one sees coming :)
 
DD has had 2 frustrating responses. The first was from her friend who didn't know anything about the SA's. DD explained and his response was, "Why would you want to do that? Nobody will want to date you." She later saw him walking out of the interview room for her Senate nomination interview as she walked in. Second frustrating response was from an MD evaluating her for a waiver request. "What is USAFA? Is that some kind of college?" :eek:
 
Being from the Midwest, it's amazing to me how many people just plain don't even know about the service academies! When we announced to our family that DS received his appointment to USNA, a family member asked, "So where will he be stationed?" Um, his butt will be parked in Annapolis for four years earning his degree and learning to become an Officer. :) In the Midwest, you're lucky if the people around you even know there are SAs, much less how hard it is to get in. A few know, but not the majority. Like you said, @HawkeyeMom, it often requires explanation. It's a welcome surprise when you come across the person that does know what it takes and they respond with, "Wow - what an honor!" 💙
 
Feel free to head on over to this long-running thread and add to the annals:

Your son/daughter goes where???

Your son/daughter goes where???

I am trying to compile a list of questions and responses from people when you talk to them about your child. Anything from the silly to the uneducated ones are fine. 1-5 sentences preferable. Thanks. Background story to this is that over the weekend, I found myself answering what i thought...
www.serviceacademyforums.com
 
It’s often a good opportunity to educate people about the SAs. No need to roll your eyes or sigh — just kindly and respectfully inform them. At the same time, be careful about slipping into an elitist attitude. Many smart people don’t know a lot of things about a lot of things — starting with ourselves. C’est la vie.
 
my own mom said to her granddaughter, "Is someone making you do that? Are you in some kind of trouble?" Her jaw dropped in disbelief that anyone would chose this path. In my mom's defense...she is an artist and a complete narcissist.
 
These threads are some of my fav’s to read. I’ve found over the years that when you throw in the part about interviewing and receiving xxx’ nomination, they begin to understand the magnitude of it.
 
whataluckymom said:
Being from the Midwest, it's amazing to me how many people just plain don't even know about the service academies! When we announced to our family that DS received his appointment to USNA, a family member asked, "So where will he be stationed?" Um, his butt will be parked in Annapolis for four years earning his degree and learning to become an Officer. :) In the Midwest, you're lucky if the people around you even know there are SAs, much less how hard it is to get in. A few know, but not the majority. Like you said, @HawkeyeMom, it often requires explanation. It's a welcome surprise when you come across the person that does know what it takes and they respond with, "Wow - what an honor!" 💙
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I do notice that very clearly - I guess it's because there isn't an Academy near hear so yes, lots of explaining. Moreso with the aspect of the Coast Guard though - most people that engage in conversation with me about it don't realize it's a branch of the military. Or as my neighbor said "not real military though" :rolleyes:
 
Capt MJ said:
Feel free to head on over to this long-running thread and add to the annals:

Your son/daughter goes where???

Your son/daughter goes where???

I am trying to compile a list of questions and responses from people when you talk to them about your child. Anything from the silly to the uneducated ones are fine. 1-5 sentences preferable. Thanks. Background story to this is that over the weekend, I found myself answering what i thought...
www.serviceacademyforums.com
Click to expand...
I'm headed there now! It's been a long night, I could use a chuckle!
 
I have certainly experienced many of these comments along with the rest of you in this thread. I actually had someone tell me, "Not sure why a kid from Ohio would aim so high as USNA or USMMA" and the best one yet, "You put him on this pedestal and you are making him out to be this perfect kid who can do no wrong, I am sure his chances are slim." At first it upset me that people would actually say these words. And then, after some thought I realized "it's not me, it's them" that has a problem. Unless a parent has been through the SA admission process they have NO idea how much it entails. Your "typical" college application is SO simple compared to SA applications. This has been an 18 month or so process! In fact, for the last 4 years my son has been adding to his resume. I no longer let the Nay Sayers get to me. No my son is NOT perfect, but he set goals officially his sophomore year and he's been working on it since. I admire him for many reasons because he's one of the youngest in his Senior class yet he's well above the maturity of many of his class mates. He has an awesome resume, not perfect, but definitely eye catching when others read it! When he was attending interviews for noms, the individuals were impressed with him for so many reasons and that is something to be proud of. One of those individuals who interviewed him, asked him who prepared you for this interview. His response was my mom, she had me interview with supervisors she works with. He explained that I work for our county juvenile probation department. She told him, "please make sure you thank your mom because she has done an excellent job raising you, and preparing you for these interviews." As a parent we often question our own abilities in raising our children. Affirmations like those are what tells us we are doing something right! So, with that in mind I tell all of you this affirmation. You all have done a wonderful job raising children who are willing to strive to be the best and serve our country! We have all done something right because our children have chosen to apply to a SA and become officers in the military! We are still waiting for decisions of course, but if my son does not get into a SA he will enlist in the Navy and with a 97 ASVAB he will get his first choice of the Nuclear program! Good luck to all of you, and your DS or DD!!
 
ohiomom2 said:
Affirmations like those are what tells us we are doing something right!
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This! For many parents, the less-than-admiring reaction from others is a subtle yet sharp blow to the ego. It’s a subconscious feeling and not necessarily a terrible one. There’s a certain pride that comes with saying “my kid goes to Annapolis / West Point.” Yet for quite a few people, that doesn’t elicit the same “ooh ahh” response as “my kid goes to Harvard / Yale / Michigan / Northwestern.” I chalk it up to familiarity, awareness and name recognition. Nothing malicious, just naïveté or ignorance. The latter schools show up in cocktail party conversation, water cooler chatter, the top of US News’ rankings and so forth. The SAs are a more nuanced choice.

So for parents who are disappointed or disgusted or miffed that their kid’s choice of school isn’t met with knowing and glowing approval, it may be their own ego absorbing that subconscious yet stabbing blow.

Most cadets and mids, I believe, take it all in stride. Not long ago, DD was the subject of cloying and fawning comments about attending USNA. She blushed and with genuine modesty said, “Ma’am, thank you, but really I’m just a college student.” I couldn’t have been prouder.

With all due respect to the OP, the tactic of not telling people where DS is going seems unnecessarily passive-aggressive. As if you’re saying, “These [ignorant / naive / uninformed] people don’t deserve to know where my son is going.” See it instead as an opportunity to educate. That, my guess, will feel most satisfying of all.
 
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I wear a lot of Navy gear. A lot... The Midstore staff actually smiles and waves to me every time I walk into the place.

Of course I get a sense of pride when a person sees me in a Navy sweatshirt, comes up and gives me those "Wow! Congratulations! Incredible accomplishment!" types of comments. But I actually get more questions from people asking me when he enlisted. Most times I get no comments at all. At first, especially being a plebe parent, I will honestly say that my ego allowed those 'naive comments' bother me a bit. Then I took a step back and looked at the big picture. Why is my son at USNA? Is it for the glory, attention, accolades? Of course not. These Midshipmen and Cadets have an incredible sense of humility, because they know their purpose of attending a SA is to serve, not be put on a pedestal. I keep that in mind all the time. Recognition is wonderful, but it is not why our kids are there.
 
+1 to @brewmeist. The Mid Store has very cool stuff, much of it not found elsewhere. But there’s one particularly grading item that I can’t believe they sell — or that people buy.

It’s a t-shirt with the following words emblazoned across the front: “Some people dream of meeting a hero. I raised one.” Ugh. Unless your mid is among the very small number of people who’s truly done something heroic, just ugh!

I’m guessing that just about every mid whose parent buys that t-shirt positively cringes.
 
MidCakePa said:
It’s a t-shirt with the following words emblazoned across the front: “Some people dream of meeting a hero. I raised one.” Ugh. Unless your mid is among the very small number of people who’s truly done something heroic, just ugh!
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Those same shirts are for sale on every AF base I've been to, especially down in JBSA Lackland where the enlisted boot camp is. I don't really support the message, but I understand it. For a lot of parents, just the fact that their kid is willing to join the military is a huge show of bravery. It isn't like all of our jobs are downright dangerous, but at the end of the day, any of us could be asked to go to a war zone or what have you. I can only hope that my DS is one of the quiet professionals when it comes to his military service!
 
My favorite shirt at the Mid Store each year is the the one with the names of each new Plebe on the back. When my DS went to I-Day, I came home with a carload of those in different sizes. Every time we had friends over during Plebe Summer, they could each choose to leave with a t-shirt.
I gave away 57 t-shirts, that Summer. I still have a few left.
 
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