Nope, just protecting my 'blonds'.
Joke for the Day
- Thread starter USNA69
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Nope, just protecting my 'blonds'.
ChipAyten
10-Year Member
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
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- 306
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day andhappened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Petty Officer! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either.”
-------
A sailor, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask him, “Which Branch of Service is the best?”
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three follows:
“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that."
(signed)
General God, US Army (Ret.)”
-------
Why do marines think they are better than everyone else?
'Cause R ooniforms R more perttier."
What happens to a soldier when he starts to believe his own B.S.?
He becomes a marine.
Why do the marines have the lowest intelligence test entry standards of all the services?
Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
How do you get rid of a bunch of marines?
Tell them that CNN is two blocks over.
US Marine Corps. oath of enlistment:
I, (state your name), swear...duhhh...high and tight...(grunt) cammies...uhhh...perty uniform...air force women...OORAH! So help me corps.
-------
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
There are more fighter jets in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
-------
The new and reactivated 5th marine divisions insignia
“Petty Officer! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either.”
-------
A sailor, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask him, “Which Branch of Service is the best?”
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three follows:
“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that."
(signed)
General God, US Army (Ret.)”
-------
Why do marines think they are better than everyone else?
'Cause R ooniforms R more perttier."
What happens to a soldier when he starts to believe his own B.S.?
He becomes a marine.
Why do the marines have the lowest intelligence test entry standards of all the services?
Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
How do you get rid of a bunch of marines?
Tell them that CNN is two blocks over.
US Marine Corps. oath of enlistment:
I, (state your name), swear...duhhh...high and tight...(grunt) cammies...uhhh...perty uniform...air force women...OORAH! So help me corps.
-------
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
There are more fighter jets in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
-------
The new and reactivated 5th marine divisions insignia
Last edited:
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2007
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- 49
LOL!! Those were good Chip. I LOVE Marine jokes
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2007
- Messages
- 49
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:
The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem ... kick their ass.
When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest... kick their ass.
Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their ass.
(GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass kicking (children are exempt).
If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non military, inform them of their mistake...and kick their ass.
Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper...it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.
Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her...of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass kicking.
What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your ass kicked.
Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief. The President (for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives" meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)
"Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your ass!
Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.
Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Could get your ass kicked.
Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:
The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem ... kick their ass.
When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest... kick their ass.
Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their ass.
(GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass kicking (children are exempt).
If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non military, inform them of their mistake...and kick their ass.
Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper...it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.
Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her...of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass kicking.
What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your ass kicked.
Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief. The President (for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives" meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)
"Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your ass!
Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.
Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Could get your ass kicked.
Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.
Four retired Naval Aviators are walking down the street. When they see a sign that says "Veterans Bar," they go in.
The bartender asks what they will have and they order a very dry martini (straight gin up). He delivers the drinks and says: "That will be 40 cents." They can't believe their good luck. They finish the drinks and order another round and the bartender again says: "That will be 40 cents." This sparks their curiosity, so they ask the bartender: "How can you afford to serve martinis for a dime apiece?"
The bartender replies: "I guess you've seen the decor here. Well, I am a retired Navy Master Chief Boatswain's Mate, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for all veterans who paid their dues to Uncle Sam. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer all the same."
They direct his attention to four guys at the end of the bar who haven't ordered anything and ask: "What's with them?" The bartender responds: "Oh, those are four Woops. They're waiting for Happy Hour."
The bartender asks what they will have and they order a very dry martini (straight gin up). He delivers the drinks and says: "That will be 40 cents." They can't believe their good luck. They finish the drinks and order another round and the bartender again says: "That will be 40 cents." This sparks their curiosity, so they ask the bartender: "How can you afford to serve martinis for a dime apiece?"
The bartender replies: "I guess you've seen the decor here. Well, I am a retired Navy Master Chief Boatswain's Mate, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for all veterans who paid their dues to Uncle Sam. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer all the same."
They direct his attention to four guys at the end of the bar who haven't ordered anything and ask: "What's with them?" The bartender responds: "Oh, those are four Woops. They're waiting for Happy Hour."
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- Joined
- Jul 10, 2007
- Messages
- 86
No Joking Allowed
Per the Supe in message sent to the Parents:
We are a nation at war
Developing Midshipmen
Face of the Navy
I would say that joking does not fit this assessment.
EC's are going away or downgraded, No MO's to go to away games - including the D&B and cheerleaders, no traveling for the Glee Club, Music groups all downgraded and not considered Brigade Support activities, No Halloween Organ Concert, No Trick or Treating.....
Yes USNA is the face of the Navy it just cannot be seen in public.
Yes we are a nation at war (hopefully 2008 will change that) so I guess our mids cannot sing in out in public, have a Halloween concert (another public event), probably no musical, support the football team, participate in the Midshipman Action Group, because they might actually be enjoying themselves.
And Yes we are developing Midshipmen to be the best officers they can be with no personal hobbies, no public performance skills, no fun, just really boring types. I guess boring leaders will serve our Navy and Marine Corp well.
No joking please.
Per the Supe in message sent to the Parents:
We are a nation at war
Developing Midshipmen
Face of the Navy
I would say that joking does not fit this assessment.
EC's are going away or downgraded, No MO's to go to away games - including the D&B and cheerleaders, no traveling for the Glee Club, Music groups all downgraded and not considered Brigade Support activities, No Halloween Organ Concert, No Trick or Treating.....
Yes USNA is the face of the Navy it just cannot be seen in public.
Yes we are a nation at war (hopefully 2008 will change that) so I guess our mids cannot sing in out in public, have a Halloween concert (another public event), probably no musical, support the football team, participate in the Midshipman Action Group, because they might actually be enjoying themselves.
And Yes we are developing Midshipmen to be the best officers they can be with no personal hobbies, no public performance skills, no fun, just really boring types. I guess boring leaders will serve our Navy and Marine Corp well.
No joking please.
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,957
Lets just slap the human out of those kids right now. 
I'm sorry but c'mon. Geez, that sure sombered everyone up. Of course all know all that. We & the kids gotta live on though. Personally, if I couldn't laugh, I'd hang myself from the shower curtain rod. Poor things (USNA Mids). They need to come on over to KP so we can get their personalities back in place.
I'm sincerely sorry NativeTexan that someone played the mean card. Makes ya wonder what the changes will do in the long run.
I'm sorry but c'mon. Geez, that sure sombered everyone up. Of course all know all that. We & the kids gotta live on though. Personally, if I couldn't laugh, I'd hang myself from the shower curtain rod. Poor things (USNA Mids). They need to come on over to KP so we can get their personalities back in place. I'm sincerely sorry NativeTexan that someone played the mean card. Makes ya wonder what the changes will do in the long run.
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- Messages
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A Scotsman and his wife were out driving one day and came upon a sign at a local airport: "Airplane rides: $10". Out of curiosity, they went up to the pilot, and he invited them to ride in his plane for $10. But the Scotsman declined. The pilot, being somewhat of a huckster said: "I will give you the ride free, if you sit back there and say nothing during my entire flight. But if you speak, you pay me the $10." The Scotsman thought he could do that, so he and his wife got into the back seat together.
Off they went, with the pilot giving them his entire aerobatic routine. They did loops, outside loops, snap rolls, split "S's" Immelman turns, even Lomcevaks, but not a word from the backseat.
When they landed, the pilot hopped out, grinning and said to the Scotsman, "Well, sir, you did very well, you sat back there during my extreme aerobatic routine and didn't say a word." Whereupon the Scotsman said: "Well, I almost did, when Mary fell out."
Off they went, with the pilot giving them his entire aerobatic routine. They did loops, outside loops, snap rolls, split "S's" Immelman turns, even Lomcevaks, but not a word from the backseat.
When they landed, the pilot hopped out, grinning and said to the Scotsman, "Well, sir, you did very well, you sat back there during my extreme aerobatic routine and didn't say a word." Whereupon the Scotsman said: "Well, I almost did, when Mary fell out."
A Scotsman and an Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the flight attendant approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Angus replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Angus hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Angus hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
Last edited:
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- Jun 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,957
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
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- Jun 8, 2006
- Messages
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Make sure Al Qaeda, Iran, and their supporters all get the memo. It sure would be a pity if we decided we were no longer at war and neglected to mention it to the folks who started it all.
Yeah, really. They get hot and bothered because a military installation dedicated to training warrior leaders clamps down a bit, but then try to mess up a fun thread on an internet board.
Just_A_Mom
10-Year Member
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2006
- Messages
- 4,774
I am glad you are back Zaphod! You just tell it like it is....................
Seems to me that USNA is trying to be more like USMA
Seems to me that USNA is trying to be more like USMA
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2006
- Messages
- 2,925
Seems to me that USNA is trying to be more like USMA
In some regards I will agree that it's about damned time!