Joke for the Day
- Thread starter USNA69
- Start date
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>.< sorry, you can make all the Italian jokes u want now
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- Feb 2, 2008
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Awww, come on, someone thinks that Thanksgiving joke is funny...
I like it- in fact with a sister in Hawaii and a brother in Korea I believe that I will forward to my parents in Connecticut as they will appreciate it too!
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- Sep 27, 2008
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- 20,564
Army-Navy 2008 Humor, Blue and Gold flavor
ANTHRAX SCARE AT ARMY
Army football practice was delayed nearly two hours this morning after
a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Head Coach Stan Brock immediately suspended practice while police and
federal agents were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to players, was the goal line.
Practice was resumed this afternoon after special agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance this Saturday against Navy.
Cat at the Sports Bar Joke, Variation:
A guy walks into a bar wearing an Army football jersey and carrying a cat
that is also wearing an Army jersey. The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Army-Navy game here? My TV at home broke down and my cat and I always watch the game together."
The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to
ask you to leave." The guy agrees and he and his cat start watching the game.
Pretty soon Army manages to kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up
on the bar, walks all the way down and gives everyone a high five. The
bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"
The guy answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years."
(Just got this tonight from parents of some sponsor mids in the family, didn't do a search to see if they were already on here.) Fear the Goat!
ANTHRAX SCARE AT ARMY
Army football practice was delayed nearly two hours this morning after
a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Head Coach Stan Brock immediately suspended practice while police and
federal agents were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to players, was the goal line.
Practice was resumed this afternoon after special agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance this Saturday against Navy.
Cat at the Sports Bar Joke, Variation:
A guy walks into a bar wearing an Army football jersey and carrying a cat
that is also wearing an Army jersey. The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Army-Navy game here? My TV at home broke down and my cat and I always watch the game together."
The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to
ask you to leave." The guy agrees and he and his cat start watching the game.
Pretty soon Army manages to kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up
on the bar, walks all the way down and gives everyone a high five. The
bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"
The guy answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years."
(Just got this tonight from parents of some sponsor mids in the family, didn't do a search to see if they were already on here.) Fear the Goat!
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- Sep 14, 2008
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HAHA 
thats funny.
thats funny.
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- Nov 13, 2008
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Capt MJ said:
WOOOO BEAT ARMY!!!
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As my husband USNA '62 said, "wow, that's cold." Keep in mind, if you are successful in your journey to USNA, you will come to understand the deep respect and appreciation that underlies the Army-Navy game. Yeah, lots of trash talk, but it's a very emotional scene, especially as the opposing team members shake hands after the game, respective alma maters are played, and the seniors know they are headed out in a few short months. Some will be in the combat zone before year's end.
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- Jul 26, 2008
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It's a commonality we ALL have and at any service academy sporting event, while we'll tear each other up with trash-talk, its a good-natured rivalry and we're always "close" after the match.
It's simply that we're all in a common place moving toward a common goal.
That being said...hanging in my closet is my USAFA bathrobe...it's old and a bit weathered.
Next to it are a very nice USNA and USMA bathrobe...they're pristine (why would I wear them
). Got them when we bet bathrobes with our counterparts during a football season "long ago."
The "good old days..."
It's simply that we're all in a common place moving toward a common goal.
That being said...hanging in my closet is my USAFA bathrobe...it's old and a bit weathered.
Next to it are a very nice USNA and USMA bathrobe...they're pristine (why would I wear them
). Got them when we bet bathrobes with our counterparts during a football season "long ago."The "good old days..."
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Very interesting. At the Coast Guard Academy, we never wanted to see our rivals take off their bathrobes.
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- Jun 9, 2006
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- 1,957
GO NAVY!!!!!! And hows 'about a little Xmas humor....
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ..
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ..
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2007
- Messages
- 873
Another Letter from Santa
Dear ya'll
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union
contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only
eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba
Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
but there are a few differences between us, such as:
* There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has
a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
* Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC
and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does
dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can handy.
* Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I lent him my reindeer one time, and Rudolph's head now rests over
Bubba's fireplace.
* You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
Boudreaux. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
* "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yeehaw!" And you also are likely to hear
Bubba's elves respond, "I heard that!"
* As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a bumper
sticker for non-traditional vehicles "If you are close enough to read this...
you ain't gettin' no presents!"
* The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"Ernest Saves Christmas" will not be shown in your area. Instead, you'll see
some really classes movies about Bubba Claus made in the late 1970s. Many
feature Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus, Jackie Gleason as a Grinch who says
"You scumbum!" a lot, and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
other.
* Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. I'd turn the other way when he bends over
to put presents under the tree. "Plumber's cleavage" is NOT a pretty sight.
* Lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, including Elvis' "Here Comes
Santa Claus" and Madonna's remake of "Santa Baby." Until this year, songs
about Bubba Claus have been played only on AM radio stations in Mississippi.
They include such classics as Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,"
David Allan Coe's "Willie, Waylon, Bubba Claus and Me," and Hank Williams
Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Kiss My Icicle."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa
Dear ya'll
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union
contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only
eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba
Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
but there are a few differences between us, such as:
* There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has
a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
* Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC
and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does
dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can handy.
* Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I lent him my reindeer one time, and Rudolph's head now rests over
Bubba's fireplace.
* You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
Boudreaux. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
* "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yeehaw!" And you also are likely to hear
Bubba's elves respond, "I heard that!"
* As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a bumper
sticker for non-traditional vehicles "If you are close enough to read this...
you ain't gettin' no presents!"
* The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"Ernest Saves Christmas" will not be shown in your area. Instead, you'll see
some really classes movies about Bubba Claus made in the late 1970s. Many
feature Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus, Jackie Gleason as a Grinch who says
"You scumbum!" a lot, and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
other.
* Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. I'd turn the other way when he bends over
to put presents under the tree. "Plumber's cleavage" is NOT a pretty sight.
* Lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, including Elvis' "Here Comes
Santa Claus" and Madonna's remake of "Santa Baby." Until this year, songs
about Bubba Claus have been played only on AM radio stations in Mississippi.
They include such classics as Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,"
David Allan Coe's "Willie, Waylon, Bubba Claus and Me," and Hank Williams
Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Kiss My Icicle."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa
Just_A_Mom
10-Year Member
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2006
- Messages
- 4,774
It was late at night as the Pope, who had departed this world, was approaching the gates of heaven. There was no one around, but there was a small shack just prior to the gates with a light on. The Pope stepped into the shack and startled a young man half asleep sitting at a small gray desk.
“Excuse me” said the Pope, “but I’m supposed to check in here with St. Peter, but there is no one at the gate.”
“Yea, Yea” said the young man, “Where are your orders?”
“I don’t have any orders,” said the Pope.
“Well it’s too late to check in tonight anyhow.” said the young man, “Just go around to the back of the building, find a rack and dump your gear in a locker. St. Peter will be here in the morning and you can check in then.”
The Pope grabs his stuff and walks around the bu ilding only to find a WWII style open bay barracks. The racks are stacked three high and the only open one is all the way at the end of the building, and it’s on top. He drags his stuff to the end of the building, but there is no locker for him. He takes a deep breath, thinks about it for a minute and decides this is just one final test. He crawls up into the rack and falls asleep.
Suddenly he is awakened by a loud commotion outside the barracks. As he walks outside he sees a huge crowd of angels cheering and clapping as a gold convertible limousine approaches. As it draws nearer, the Pope sees a guy in a flight suit and Navy leather flight jacket in the back seat with a beautiful angel on each arm, a beer in his hand and he is smoking one of the biggest cigars the Pope has ever seen. The Pope turns to the young man who checked him in and asks, “Who is that guy?”
“A Naval Aviator,” the young man replies.
The Pope says, “I don’t get it. I worked hard all of my life to do God’s work on earth. As a young man I studied hard at the seminary, as a priest I labored hard to tend my flock and provide guidance when they strayed. I struggled as a bishop to serve the church and as Pope, I was able to attract more followers of the faith. Yet, when I reach heaven, St. Peter isn’t here to greet me. I have to carry my own bags. I’m stuck in the top ra ck of an open bay barracks and I don’t even have a locker for my bags!”
The young man looks at the Pope and says. “Look, we get a Pope every 20-30 years, but he is the only Naval Aviator who has ever made it!”
“Excuse me” said the Pope, “but I’m supposed to check in here with St. Peter, but there is no one at the gate.”
“Yea, Yea” said the young man, “Where are your orders?”
“I don’t have any orders,” said the Pope.
“Well it’s too late to check in tonight anyhow.” said the young man, “Just go around to the back of the building, find a rack and dump your gear in a locker. St. Peter will be here in the morning and you can check in then.”
The Pope grabs his stuff and walks around the bu ilding only to find a WWII style open bay barracks. The racks are stacked three high and the only open one is all the way at the end of the building, and it’s on top. He drags his stuff to the end of the building, but there is no locker for him. He takes a deep breath, thinks about it for a minute and decides this is just one final test. He crawls up into the rack and falls asleep.
Suddenly he is awakened by a loud commotion outside the barracks. As he walks outside he sees a huge crowd of angels cheering and clapping as a gold convertible limousine approaches. As it draws nearer, the Pope sees a guy in a flight suit and Navy leather flight jacket in the back seat with a beautiful angel on each arm, a beer in his hand and he is smoking one of the biggest cigars the Pope has ever seen. The Pope turns to the young man who checked him in and asks, “Who is that guy?”
“A Naval Aviator,” the young man replies.
The Pope says, “I don’t get it. I worked hard all of my life to do God’s work on earth. As a young man I studied hard at the seminary, as a priest I labored hard to tend my flock and provide guidance when they strayed. I struggled as a bishop to serve the church and as Pope, I was able to attract more followers of the faith. Yet, when I reach heaven, St. Peter isn’t here to greet me. I have to carry my own bags. I’m stuck in the top ra ck of an open bay barracks and I don’t even have a locker for my bags!”
The young man looks at the Pope and says. “Look, we get a Pope every 20-30 years, but he is the only Naval Aviator who has ever made it!”
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- 808
Hahahahaha!!!
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2007
- Messages
- 873
good one!
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2008
- Messages
- 53
Statistics
A stats student was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for this one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long? The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin): " Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
A stats student was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for this one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long? The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin): " Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
- Joined
- May 8, 2008
- Messages
- 800
Haha, that's awesome. 
I have one, but I don't know how to post a picture...
I have one, but I don't know how to post a picture...
- Joined
- May 8, 2008
- Messages
- 800
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2006
- Messages
- 2,925
When I heard this, I almost busted a gut laughing.
It's not a joke, either. It's in the news today.
Some guy in Russia tried to rape a RACOON. The poor animal, being rightly incensed at such treatment......
....... bit the guy's you-know-what off!
Now there's a case of Poetic Justice and a Darwin Award being delivered simultaneously from the most surprising source!
Oh, man..... I'm still wiping tears away over this one....
It's not a joke, either. It's in the news today.
Some guy in Russia tried to rape a RACOON. The poor animal, being rightly incensed at such treatment......
....... bit the guy's you-know-what off!
Now there's a case of Poetic Justice and a Darwin Award being delivered simultaneously from the most surprising source!
Oh, man..... I'm still wiping tears away over this one....