Math jokes

Well now, we are really geeking out. In a good way, of course.
 
Math jokes are the best! My calculus teacher showed my class this one:

001-alex-was-having-second-thoughts-lq.png
 
Good one. Lots of sub-text!
 
A poolee was quizzed by his recruiter on his knowledge of USMC General Orders after taking a math test. "What is your 7th General Order?"

"To talk to no one except in the line of best fit."

Said poolee had to do 25 push-ups.
 
Okay, not a math joke, but wonderfully nerdy nonetheless:

Two guys are sitting in a Catholic Church, when a Higgs boson particle comes in. One guy turns to the other and says;

"Hey, what's that Higgs boson doing in church?"

The other guy replies;

"Relax dude, we can't have mass without him."
 
Given to me by a friend, proving that even actuaries can be fun:
index.php
 

Attachments

  • houseboat.png
    houseboat.png
    6.2 KB · Views: 177
A physicist and a mathematician sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high. "I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do". He then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called the waitress over. "When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond `one third x cubed.' There's twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed. The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician started. "Incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?" The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one third x cubed?" So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the two men, and muttered under her breath, "...plus a constant."

What's purple and commutes? An abelian grape.

The internet is full of this stuff: https://www.juliantrubin.com/mathjokes.html


Also, here's one of my favorite pages on the whole web. It was last updated in 2002:
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/other-instrument-jokes.html

What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
(I know this is off topic, but that's the forum, eh?)
 
I like intelligent jokes. Especially +C
 
This COULD be a math joke;

What is the internal temperature of a Taun-taun?


Luke warm!
 
Okay, I'm just spit-ballin' here. The pointy end?
 
Six mathematicians and six engineers are going to a conference by train. All of the engineers buy a ticket, but only one of the mathematicians buys a ticket. When the engineers ask why, the mathematicians reply, "optimization."
All twelve get into one train car, and one mathematician stands at each end of the car. After a while, one yells, "Conductor!" and all the mathematicians pile into a bathroom. The conductor comes into the car and asks for everyone's tickets. The engineers all get their tickets punched. The conductor notices the bathroom is occupied, and asks for the occupant's (the mathematicians) ticket. One ticket slides out, and the conductor punches it. When he's gone, the mathematicians come out.
Next year the same engineers and mathematicians are going to the same conference by train. Only one engineer buys a ticket. However, none of the mathematicians buy a ticket. The engineers look puzzled, and one says, "optimization."
Again all twelve get into a train car, this time with an engineer positioned at each of the ends of the car. One yells, "Conductor!" and all the engineers go into a bathroom. A mathematician walks up to the door and asks for their ticket. The engineers slide the ticket out from beneath, and the mathematicians grab it and run into another unoccupied bathroom.
 
Alright, none of these are mine but I think they're hilarious:

Q: What's a pirate minus the ship?
A: Just a creative homeless guy.


Q: What's Santa Claus multiplied by i?
A: It would make him real


Q: What's a bag of chips divided by five?
A: A Nike Workers meal

Q: What's the opposite of ln(x)? (ln(x) is a natural log)
A: Duraflame, the unnatural log!


Q: If there's a metal train that's a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her, How long 'til it reaches and kills the driver? Provided that he's a good conductor


This is a song called new math... I put only the appropriate ones on here, but its a decent song.
 
Back
Top