Mental Struggles of Doolie Year

Cicak2463

NWP '21, USAFA '26
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
8
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
@Cicak2463 I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Is it possible to reach out to any of your NWP classmates and chat with them? I would also suggest reaching out to the chaplains. I understand that they can be very helpful. They provide "confidential counseling and mentorship". I would encourage you to reach out to them. They are there to listen to you and provide support.
 
Probably not much help…but I was a social outcast my plebe year. My peers were of no perceived help (they didn’t know how) and my parents had no clue…except for my estranged father. He was an SA grad and the only thing he said was….yeah…I remember that part and it was awful. From that one sentence I realized how un-alone I really was. My father who I barely knew was closer to me than anyone on the planet. Thousands of people before you have been in your shoes and felt the exact same thing at this exact same moment of their SA experience and nobody ever talks about it. This too shall pass…look for small victories every day…good luck through the dark ages. You are not alone…and never have been. I was also never religious but found solace in the humor of the Jewish Chaplain…(Thank you Rabbi Panitz…)
 
For what it's worth, know that you have many people rooting for you "back home" and beyond....particular as a NWP 21er (my DD is your classmate). There aren't too many channels through which to show this support, but know that it is there and we are cheering for you to succeed. We are incredibly proud of what it took to stay focused after that initial "disappointment" of not getting a direct appointment in 25....but you stayed committed to the pathway and chose to go up the mountain last fall. Then you endured the delayed start with the forest fires and all that drama. Then you made it through the spring at home...probably explaining to many friends what on earth you were doing back home!...and patiently waiting for that appointment letter or call from your Congressman. Then I-Day, BCT, A-Day, and now its nearly Thanksgiving. While the months ahead may look dark, look back at the foundation you've built for yourself and be proud of it. We are proud of you.

Are you able to get off base on Sundays to your sponsor's home? That has worked well for my DD. If not, PM me and I'll connect you...maybe you can join her one of these weekends. It's very chill there and they are a generous family. Keep taking it in small chunks as much as possible...meal-to-meal, day-to-day.... As for workouts, see if you can change up your routine a bit to at least get some gym time doing something.

You got this.
 
I'm glad to hear you have recovered from your injury. Having to go through this transition injured must have been very difficult. Keep going after it every day and the running will get easier.
Beyond that, I suggest hitting the weights or any other strenuous workout you enjoy. I'm not sure if you have racquetball courts but if you do given it shot.
Whatever you choose do it full bore to the point your saturated in sweat. Then repeat it a few times a week and make sure to stick to it for a least a few weeks.

At that point, it will be thanksgiving break. Hopefully you'll be heading home or spending it with your sponsor family. Either way, you'll have a much-deserved break.

I'm blown away by every one of you cadets. But having to accomplish what you have while Injured is even more impressive.

You should be very proud of yourself.
 
For what it's worth, know that you have many people rooting for you "back home" and beyond....particular as a NWP 21er (my DD is your classmate). There aren't too many channels through which to show this support, but know that it is there and we are cheering for you to succeed. We are incredibly proud of what it took to stay focused after that initial "disappointment" of not getting a direct appointment in 25....but you stayed committed to the pathway and chose to go up the mountain last fall. Then you endured the delayed start with the forest fires and all that drama. Then you made it through the spring at home...probably explaining to many friends what on earth you were doing back home!...and patiently waiting for that appointment letter or call from your Congressman. Then I-Day, BCT, A-Day, and now its nearly Thanksgiving. While the months ahead may look dark, look back at the foundation you've built for yourself and be proud of it. We are proud of you.

Are you able to get off base on Sundays to your sponsor's home? That has worked well for my DD. If not, PM me and I'll connect you...maybe you can join her one of these weekends. It's very chill there and they are a generous family. Keep taking it in small chunks as much as possible...meal-to-meal, day-to-day.... As for workouts, see if you can change up your routine a bit to at least get some gym time doing something.

You got this.
What a fantastic post. OP you are NOT alone. You just haven’t found your people yet. Take this poster up on their offer of connecting you with getting off base. It will do wonders.

I also echo the chaplains comment. They aren’t going to try and convert you or anything. They are professionals who have experience with helping identify what’s going on with you. And they have excellent tools to help you. Connect you with resources. Identify what is really going on. And are ‘off the record’ so to speak. My youngest used them plebe year, and highly, highly recommends them.

Beyond what’s already been said, make sure and get ‘proper’ sleep. I know….lol….but make sure the sleep you ARE getting is effective (lay off the caffeine, etc). Tend to your nutrition. Make sure you are getting proper vitamins (I personally am familiar with D3 deficiency and how that can affect overall health). Get outside and find some sun/fresh air every day. And lean on SOMEONE bc we all need SOMEONE. If you are feeling this way? So are others.

There is a lot to look forward to on the horizon….semester break. New set of classes. Being on the downside of your first year. Summer trainings. Maybe changing roommates??

You really are in the worst of it. By design. Find a battle buddy. Someone to talk to. You aren’t alone. Hang in there!!

*mom advice*
 
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We have a daughter at a local university, non military, and she still struggles. So do many of her friends. the drop out rate for college is around half, so you are not alone in your feelings. And I'm sure the injury is causing extra grief too. I would suggest you focus on the things you are enjoying. They will multiply as time goes on, and as you recover from your injury. Throw yourself into any activity or club you can. Also, focus outward not inward. It's very easy to dwell on what you are missing or don't have or things you don't like. Focus on helping or serving others. Be the person that always lends a shoulder or an ear to your fellow classmates. They are struggling too, maybe not as often or as much, but everyone has moments of need. When you serve others, you shift focus away form your own issues and earn satisfaction in helping others. It's hard to do, but try. Another idea is to focus on fixing one thing at a time. Find something you can work on and really put in some effort to see improvement in it during the rest of this Fall term. Maybe its a faster mile, or a higher chemistry grade, or just make it a goal to make one person smile per day. Make it attainable and real. Like the Boy Scout creed, "Do a good turn daily." The fact that you are on here asking for help means you must truly care, and that's HUGE! Go with it. Make a stupid countdown in your room, or something silly to look forward too. This isn't the rest of your life. It get's better, but you are just now at the point where you start to take control of it. You are becoming the master of your own ship; Where will you sail it?

Good luck, and please follow up on the thread as you progress. We are pulling for you!
 
Are you part of any clubs or extracurricular groups? That is where a lot of friendships and support groups are formed. If your squad isn't clicking, is it partly because people are not hanging out? You might be able to organize stuff to get people together (formally or just on the spot). A lot can happen if you just constantly invite people to the gym, on a run, to grab dinner etc.
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
There's lots of good advice here, so I won't restate it all. Just wanted to echo that you are not alone. Everyone gets to that point during their doolie year when you struggle to keep on and get out of bed for minutes every morning. When I reached this point, I remember being surprised and caught off guard because I had never really struggled mentally before. Just try to keep everything in perspective. One thing that worked/works for me is separating school and the rest of my life. Try to find somewhere that is not your room to do school, so when you come back to your room you can relax and it's almost like coming home from work.

I know it may feel embarrassing to be down or struggling with the cadet life, but I promise you that every person you are around in your clubs, squadron, classes, etc. wants to help you get through it. For example, we had one basic in my flight during BCT last year who told our cadre that he was really struggling and wanting to leave. Did they tell him to suck it up and move on? No! The whole flight took a pause, and our cadre encouraged all of us to continue, even if it was hard in the moment. Moral of the story - if you're struggling, talk to your classmates about it, they surely can relate.
Last plug, you can talk to your coach. Yes, there is some of a boundary between upperclassman and doolie, but your coach is there to help you through doolie year, and this is definitely a part of that. Best of luck to you.
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
Do you have a local sponsor family? If so, I highly recommend you reach out to them and ask if you can spend some time at their home on Sundays. If you haven't been assigned a sponsor family or even if you have been assigned a family & you've felt you just don't "click" with the family for whatever reason, you can contact the Sponsor Office to request a sponsor assignment or even a change in your current sponsor assignment. You can send an email to cadet.sponsor@afacademy.af.edu
Your posting is one of the reasons WHY I chose to be a USAFA sponsor mom 9 years ago! We provide a "home away from home" where cadets can relax and get away from the rigors of the Academy. Sometimes just being in a different environment, eating home-cooked meals, taking a long & uninterrupted nap or "venting" in a safe space can all do wonders for your positive mental health!!
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
I’m a 26er too. I thought I had it the worst feeling like this/that. I’m a direct so it’s less connections/friendships for me coming into this new environment . It has began to drag down other areas of my life. My roomate is from NWP too. I feel the same way tho/:.
 
As a mom of 2 cadets, 2024 & 2026, I have heard these feelings. It does get beter. You will connect with others. Control what you can control. Both my cadets spoke to a chaplain and wow it really helps and is confindential. I can put you in contact with my DD cause she goes out on Sunday mornings for breakfast like almost every week. Sponsors families are also a great avenue if you have one. You can do this!
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
You are not alone! Have you visited the chaplains office? They are non-denominational and my cadet says it is set up as a safe space and can be used just to hang out and relax if needed. Also, look to your upper classmen and coach - they are there to lead and help you through the tough times. Know that we're all proud of you!
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
Been there ... pulling for you! Chaplains are a huge resource for you, and I urge you to take advantage of their services.
 
Very proud of you Cadet ! However, please know that is okay to feel what you are feeling. This life is not for everyone and you are loved even if you decide that the service life is not for you . You are more than a cadet .
 
Wow, there is a ton of great advice here! I wish I had access to support like this 28 years ago when I was a Fourthclassman. I'd say that what you are feeling and experiencing is completely natural, "normal," and all part of the Academy experience, even if unpleasant (though you had the added challenges of being injured). Each of us has a wall we need to overcome. Each and every day, keep climbing, conquering your wall. Celebrate those little successes and achievements. Leverage the chaplains, to confide in them and seek their counsel and mentoring. Physical activity beyond the squadron training and intramurals is also helpful. My roommate and I would go play tennis to get away from the dorms and academics for a couple hours. Most definitely reach out to your sponsor family, too! They want to be there for you, to help you, to provide that home away from home where you can just unwind, vent, relax, and recoup. Don't be afraid to lean on them! Look at other opportunities to serve and focus your attention and time. I volunteered with Big Brothers Big Sisters and found that to be a tremendously rewarding experience. I also got involved in Soaring and became an IP. That was probably the most satisfying "distraction" for me. Getting away from the hill to be on the flightline, even in the cold of winter, was such a morale boost for me and the other IPs, and that would carry me back in the squadron and classes. Internal to your cadet squadron, you can speak with upper classmen without it being fraternization, particularly your direct chain... you have element leaders, flight commanders. They're not just there to train or discipline. They're supposed to take care of their people - you - to listen to your concerns and help guide. If you approach them, they should make the time to be responsive to you. In doing so, you can confide in them, and they will learn skills as a leader. Both of you benefit. They don't want you to fail - they want you to succeed, as does everyone on this forum. Keep reaching out, and know that it only gets better every day, every year! Best wishes to you!
 
Hello all,

I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for getting through Doolie year while feeling so mentally burdened. Right now, I just feel completely isolated and lonely. I feel emotionally disconnected with the other Doolies in my squadron, and, of course, we can't really talk to upperclassmen like friends because of frat. The Academy pushes Doolies to just get the "stupid" out of their systems now, so most people I know just jack around all the time and don't give a crap. The rest are so focused on not messing up school or training that they can't be personable people beyond their studies. I have one of each for my roommates. Neither of them is emotionally in tune with others, so I can't talk to either of them when I really need to or when I'm just having a bad day. I've been physically injured the entire semester, so I haven't been able to work out until 2 weeks ago. I'm just getting back into it, and I am struggling so hard with running. I feel like there's nobody to turn to for anything and that there's no way to find good friends here, especially as a Doolie. Nobody is happy here, and it feels like there's no escaping it. One of the upperclassmen said this is the lowest morale they've seen in the wing ever. I'm sure it'll get slightly better what with the Army win, but it doesn't change that we're going into the dark ages. Quite honestly, I'm worried that I won't feel any better even after next semester. Any advice on how to handle this and not just get into a mental spiral downwards?
How have you been doing ? Thinking about you .
 
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