Missed January 15th USAFA Deadline Due to the Death of a Family Member

MicroCommando

MicroCommando

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I missed the January 15th Candidate Kit deadline due to the death of a really close family member. Last week, our family experienced a devastating loss due to the surging omicron coronavirus variant, leaving our family emotionally crippled as a result of her passing. I originally planned on completing the candidate kit last week, however, due to obvious circumstances I was left mentally incapacitated. She was youthful, a bundle of joy, and overall the heart and soul of our family that was ultimately ripped out due to this terrible pandemic. I am a college reapplicant and last year I remember being granted the luxury of an extended deadline due to a somewhat similar circumstance. Is there a way for the candidate kit deadline to be extended due to this circumstance that was out of my control? Thanks for your responses.
 
okboomer said:
Not to be harsh, but how long has your candidate kit been open? Was it not enough of a priority to complete before the last day?
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I was thinking the same thing. To the OP, I’m sorry for your loss. However, in the eyes of admissions, if you wait until the end of the deadline, it may seem like it is not one of your priorities to complete the application. I recommend contacting admissions regarding your situation, and wish you the best.
 
So sorry for you loss. Truly. And not to also sound harsh, but having to request an extension, for a 2nd time, to me comes off as a habit/method of meeting (or nit) deadlines. And doesn’t show well.

For me, I would have expected everything this year to be buttoned up early….BECAUSE of having an extension granted the year before. That would be within my control.

Truly sorry for your families loss. But know what you are asking does come off poorly. At least to me in the cheap seats. An excuse. So be aware of that when framing your request. I’m also with @kinnem in that it doesn’t hurt to ask. I would absolutely be prepared to address ‘why it wasn’t completed sooner’….

Good luck. Hang in there!!
 
So sorry for you loss!
The actionable to step is to request an extension. But agree it comes across badly, and brings up another point.

Not only as an officer but in life, you will have many things thrown at you, seemingly impossible to deal with in that moment. You don't get to pick and chose your adversities.

This thread speaks to me because my DH was diagnosed with late stage 4 metastatic terminal cancer. We are happy he made it to 2022. In the last 2 weeks, we also had to go through herculean efforts to get my MIL to independent living. We expect DDs to continue to do, be, achieve, and if anything, to reaffirm and double down on Doing Good. We did not raise them to crumble at the first sign of adversity - especially someone else's adversity. I feel like i'm saying this repeated lately - feelings are ok and valid, but your actions and reactions are what define your character. Move yourself to first world problems. The kind that everyone else rolls their eyes at. DD is well aware DH most likely will not make it to her graduation.
 
Contact either Team Blue or Team Silver (whichever you are assigned to) ASAP and layout everything.

They will take it to RR and a decision will be made.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83
 
Contact your admissions counselor at USAFA immediately. I know of candidates who got extensions. Just try.
 
HCopter said:
So sorry for you loss!
The actionable to step is to request an extension. But agree it comes across badly, and brings up another point.

Not only as an officer but in life, you will have many things thrown at you, seemingly impossible to deal with in that moment. You don't get to pick and chose your adversities.

This thread speaks to me because my DH was diagnosed with late stage 4 metastatic terminal cancer. We are happy he made it to 2022. In the last 2 weeks, we also had to go through herculean efforts to get my MIL to independent living. We expect DDs to continue to do, be, achieve, and if anything, to reaffirm and double down on Doing Good. We did not raise them to crumble at the first sign of adversity - especially someone else's adversity. I feel like i'm saying this repeated lately - feelings are ok and valid, but your actions and reactions are what define your character. Move yourself to first world problems. The kind that everyone else rolls their eyes at. DD is well aware DH most likely will not make it to her graduation.
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You have a full plate. Hang in there. My DH has an ongoing scary heart condition and we ask our kids to keep living their lives. My sister and I moved our mom into assisted living this past fall. It was a Herculean task as we are both out of state. Such a difficult transition. But thankfully with the market being what it is her house sold in two days. Will keep my thoughts headed in your family’s direction.
 
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@Heatherg21 , wonderful you are on top of things and thanks for sharing. I think many of the SAF parents are in this stage of their life cycle, with variations on a theme. From DD's perspective, this is about a 1.5/10 on the scale of Bad Things That Happen to Cadets. A parent or grandparent dying/failing health/life changes - that isn't unexpected during their Cadet years.

For candidates, here is my Selfish Speech. I gave it to both of my DDs before heading to college: Selfish is usually a bad word, but it really isn't. College year especially, you must be selfish. That does not mean to be a bad person, unkind, or actively seek to hurt others (ie, doing best for yourself while landing in the middle of someone else's back). It means that you devote all your actions to bettering yourself. Be selfish - WITH YOUR TIME AND ACTIONABLE STEPS. Don't waste time with people resigned to underperform, of questionable morals, needy but not productive friendships/relationships such as getting drunk and needing you to hold their head all night, etc. Select and identify with those that achieve and are like minded - going somewhere in life. TIME is the most precious thing (besides health, of course) that you cannot squander.

Particularly with our situation, and similar to OPs, you cannot look back, compromise yourself or your future while loved ones are dying - anticipated or sudden.

And a harsher version: If you think you have it hard, just think how much harder it was for the candidate that OVERCAME the same obstacles. Which one deserves an appointment?
 
HCopter said:
@Heatherg21 , wonderful you are on top of things and thanks for sharing. I think many of the SAF parents are in this stage of their life cycle, with variations on a theme. From DD's perspective, this is about a 1.5/10 on the scale of Bad Things That Happen to Cadets. A parent or grandparent dying/failing health/life changes - that isn't unexpected during their Cadet years.

For candidates, here is my Selfish Speech. I gave it to both of my DDs before heading to college: Selfish is usually a bad word, but it really isn't. College year especially, you must be selfish. That does not mean to be a bad person, unkind, or actively seek to hurt others (ie, doing best for yourself while landing in the middle of someone else's back). It means that you devote all your actions to bettering yourself. Be selfish - WITH YOUR TIME AND ACTIONABLE STEPS. Don't waste time with people resigned to underperform, of questionable morals, needy but not productive friendships/relationships such as getting drunk and needing you to hold their head all night, etc. Select and identify with those that achieve and are like minded - going somewhere in life. TIME is the most precious thing (besides health, of course) that you cannot squander.

Particularly with our situation, and similar to OPs, you cannot look back, compromise yourself or your future while loved ones are dying - anticipated or sudden.

And a harsher version: If you think you have it hard, just think how much harder it was for the candidate that OVERCAME the same obstacles. Which one deserves an appointment?
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This is excellent advice and I really admire the speech you gave to your kids. I would certainly love to share that with my DS as he departs for the Air Force Academy in June (and my daughter as she is off to college the year after! ). Can I steal your topic and advice?

This forum is amazing for things like this. We are not in this alone …we have others to lean on for guidance and how they got through these times. Thank you again and good luck @MicroCommando as you navigate this time and find the correct steps that work for your situation.
 
I dont want to sound cruel and my comment isn't specific to the original poster. As a CPA, i meet lots of people. Some of them I would call winners in life and others not so much. In many of these not so much people,, there always seems to be an event where they basically blow their chance to succeed. One client was going to go to law school but their parents got sick and decided not to attend. I would presume they planned to go later but of course, later never happened. Another, the family ran into financial problems and while my client could pay for his own college, he left school to help the family financially. There are all different variations of this story. I always see these stories and I get that it in many circumstances they had no choice. Leaving school because a grandmother died or even a parent die at the time makes sense. But taking off the semester or the year because of it winds up biting these people in the butt in the long run. Obviously, people aren't going to do their best in these circumstances, but doing nothing is even worst. I know it easy to say, ignore the pain and go on with your life, but that is something that we sometimes we have to do. Sometimes there are no do-overs and you only get one chance. Of course those with Type A personalities are going to go back to school even if they take off a year and probably succeed, but not everyone is like that. My point, if you want something bad enough, don't let anything stand in your way. Easier said then done, but if you don't do it, who else is going to do it for you
 
2026 said:
This is excellent advice and I really admire the speech you gave to your kids. I would certainly love to share that with my DS as he departs for the Air Force Academy in June (and my daughter as she is off to college the year after! ). Can I steal your topic and advice?

This forum is amazing for things like this. We are not in this alone …we have others to lean on for guidance and how they got through these times. Thank you again and good luck @MicroCommando as you navigate this time and find the correct steps that work for your situation.
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Perhaps I am reading @HCopters advice differently than was intended.

I can certainly see the value of their advice when your son or daughter is heading off to a regular college or in many respects even during high school.

However their statements about "selfishness" are pretty much the antithesis of what each service academy purports to develop in "Servant Leadership".

Perhaps current and former SA cadets/mids can comment about how successful a person who "...devote(s) all your actions to bettering yourself. Be selfish - WITH YOUR TIME AND ACTIONABLE STEPS." would be? I'm pretty sure that from the day they arrive they all speak, in some form or other, about "team before self".

I apologize if I am reading this wrong, but as I read it I would never advise someone to do this at an SA.
 
Gobsmacked said:
Perhaps I am reading @HCopters advice differently than was intended.

I can certainly see the value of their advice when your son or daughter is heading off to a regular college or in many respects even during high school.

However their statements about "selfishness" are pretty much the antithesis of what each service academy purports to develop in "Servant Leadership".

Perhaps current and former SA cadets/mids can comment about how successful a person who "...devote(s) all your actions to bettering yourself. Be selfish - WITH YOUR TIME AND ACTIONABLE STEPS." would be? I'm pretty sure that from the day they arrive they all speak, in some form or other, about "team before self".

I apologize if I am reading this wrong, but as I read it I would never advise someone to do this at an SA.
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I think the specific examples @HCopter gave are clarifying enough. My interpretation was not "don't help others at all" or "don't work as a team at all". Rather more along the lines of helping those who are willing to help themselves. There is only so much time to give your peers without neglecting your own grades, fitness, and mental health.

Bettering yourself are working as a team are not absolutely not mutually exclusive.
 
AFrpaso said:
I think the specific examples @HCopter gave are clarifying enough. My interpretation was not "don't help others at all" or "don't work as a team at all". Rather more along the lines of helping those who are willing to help themselves. There is only so much time to give your peers without neglecting your own grades, fitness, and mental health.

Bettering yourself are working as a team are not absolutely not mutually exclusive.
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I see your point and we will have to agree to disagree. As a leader you are often challenged with leading those that are not the best. In fact, I often reflect on the 80/20 rule. Relating to subordinates, 80% of my personnel efforts are related to the 20% that are not motivated self-starters. While 20% of my efforts are related to the 80% that are good to go. In order to be a successful leader you have to learn that you have to lead all in your charge, even the ones that are "people resigned to underperform". A goal as a leader is to bring the "people resigned to underperform" not only up to an acceptable performance standard but also to as close to them achieving their own highest potential as they can.

EDIT: I agree that bettering yourself and working as a team are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it could be argued quite the opposite. Learning to work as a team member very often in and of itself helps you to be better as both a human and a leader. However, the quote was ".devote(s) all your actions to bettering yourself."

To my knowledge, all the SA exist to create leaders, not rockstar college students.
 
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Gobsmacked said:
I see your point and we will have to agree to disagree. As a leader you are often challenged with leading those that are not the best. In fact, I often reflect on the 80/20 rule. Relating to subordinates, 80% of my personnel efforts are related to the 20% that are not motivated self-starters. While 20% of my efforts are related to the 80% that are good to go. In order to be a successful leader you have to learn that you have to lead all in your charge, even the ones that are "people resigned to underperform". A goal as a leader is to bring the "people resigned to underperform" not only up to an acceptable performance standard but also to as close to them achieving their own highest potential as they can.

EDIT: I agree that bettering yourself and working as a team are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it could be argued quite the opposite. Learning to work as a team member very often in and of itself helps you to be better as both a human and a leader. However, the quote was ".devote(s) all your actions to bettering yourself."

To my knowledge, all the SA exist to create leaders, not rockstar college students.
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Excellent thoughts. I particularly like the 80/20 rule. Perhaps HCopter's language was a little too strong, but certainly the intent was not to counsel the "antithesis" of servant leadership.
 
AFrpaso said:
Excellent thoughts. I particularly like the 80/20 rule. Perhaps HCopter's language was a little too strong, but certainly the intent was not to counsel the "antithesis" of servant leadership.
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I agree.

Having just observed my son going through the admissions cycle I can say two things without reservation. 1) this forum provided me with invaluable information as a parent/advisor throughout the process and 2) Both USMA and USNA (not sure about USAFA) warn quite openly about relying on information found on this forum.

I think for the value of this forum to remain it is important that people just starting their journey have access to both sides of perhaps controversial opinions rather than go off with a wrong impression of what it takes to succeed. I certainly would think that as much time as HCopter has dedicated to this forum they have good and noble intentions. I just think in this particular instance the message could easily be interpreted as "every man for themselves."

FWIW HCopter's advice is remarkably similar to the advice I gave my son throughout elementary, middle and high school. Remarkably. Similar.

However, that chapter of his life is rapidly coming to a close and hopefully he has ingrained habits as a "good student" and good person that will help him through the next 4 years. Now it is time for him to learn how to be a good leader which at times will mean being selfless with his time and actions.
 
Pretty sure what copter was trying to convey, and he can correct me if I am off base, is the point of the fact that college performance, yes even at a SA, sets the course for the remainder of your adult life. He’s warning against aligning oneself with those that will take away from the mission at college, which is performing at the highest level you can in order to achieve the best outcome you can to set yourself up as you start a career - whether the profession of arms or otherwise - the best you can. Many pitfalls will present themselves and how you navigate those will have a long-term impact. Time is a finite resource. Choices have to be made on how to spend it. Don’t waste the time you do have that on stuff/people that detract from the mission. Pretty sure his message was to limit the detractors, not to be self-absorbed.
 
Great thoughts and perspectives from everyone, and for refining what I was trying to convey.

@2026 , I often bookmark passages that speak to me. It's easier than trying to search on the poster or the entire thread.

@Gobsmacked , no, my definition of selfish is not about "every man for himself". I do like the shock of the word, though! Great perspective that my strong post could be misinterpreted!

Combining everyone's thoughts:
Remove extraneous, non-productive activity and dead-end relationships from your path in order to focus on what USAFA expects of you, which includes being a great teammate, squadron member, all around servant leader AND be the best you can be. You get ranked with academic, military, and athletic grade AND by squadron. It's not about being selfless - that's expected, the minimum standard, as you perform military and leadership duties at USAFA. You need to budget time and emotional energy for that - in addition to your own studies, athletics, healthy relationships, and simply having fun, too.

My DD is excelling in all 3! Her overall order of merit is in the top 10% so it's a really nice first world problem to strive for DG! As a PEER she has been really busy with the other PEERS and leadership on a very serious issue she can't talk about - but said it was taking a whole lot of time. It was on the foundation of being "selfish" - taking care of academics and athletics and not whirling around with manufactured, unnecessary, non-productive drama - that has freed her time for this pivotal role that profoundly affect several other Cadet's lives. Emotionally draining, first time experience for her and other PEERs, but if not the PEERS, then who?

Over winter break we discussed the possibility of graduate school/national scholarships. Again, she will need to be selfish and budget her time for essays/applications/time with advisors, etc on top of all she is already doing. 47 months goes SO FAST, 1/2 way through I can hardly believe it!

So we've highjacked this thread a bit, so back to our OPs issue/theme: Again, ask for an extension and follow through if it's given. Can't stress enough that you will always have lots thrown at you. Some by USAFA model design, and some of a personal nature.
 
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