Mom in need help supporting son's decision

I'm happy to see you added yourself/son to the USCGA appointed thread. How did it feel?
 
I have to admit sitting here shaking my head in astonishment after reading your posts. If your DS doesn't follow the path you obviously think he should and attends the CGA his enormous potential (as you see it) will somehow be compromised and his life (again as you see it) will be forever ruined. Get a grip.

My son had options as well. When he told me he was accepting his appointment to the Academy, all I asked him was "are you sure." That was the last thing I said to him about it. It was his decision to make, NOT MINE. All I have seen out of him since we dropped him off at R-Day is remarkable growth and maturity and a young man I am very proud of.

And rest assured, if your DS cannot learn to problem solve he won't make it through the first year at the academy. I don't know where your misguided perceptions came from, but they are 180 degrees opposite from reality.
 
Wow- a lot of posts on this thread. I am also a mom who has a DS trying to make a decision between schools or academies...bottom line up front (BLUF), no matter what the parents thoughts are, it is your DS's decision. No matter what his motives are, support him whole heartedly. If you make the decision for him, he will resent your decision, maybe forever. Can you live with that?

Good luck, I know how hard it is not to inject you opinions or desires, but every parent needs to eventually let their child grow up and make their own decisions...
 
I'm happy to see you added yourself/son to the USCGA appointed thread. How did it feel?
Thank you. It felt....ummm like a beginning step in my pride of his accomplishment towards what now seems to be a goal for him and that felt good. Thanks for that.
 
From your post, you sound like you have no knowledge about the mission of the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard saves people's butts - day in and day out. Then, besides flat out rescuing people, there is a law enforcement and navigation mission. Your son is hardly going to turn into a mindless killing machine in the Coast Guard Academy or any other Service Academy. While others are not offended, I confess that I do find it somewhat disconcerting that you didn't take ten minutes on You Tube to at least TRY and familiarize yourself with the mission of the Coast Guard before putting up your post. I do have many family members who have been career military. My hero is my mom, who worked for the Army for 38 years, six of those years overseas, and retired with a Superior Civilian Service Award. I am so proud our family's heritage of service to our country. I am sad that serving our country is now viewed by many as a "lesser choice".
 
Sweet pea

This OP reached out, was honest with her fears and her opinions, and was willing to ask for input and information from a group that is obviously not her usual crowd. Then spent time doing some guided research on this forum for most of today. Then added her DS' CGA appointment info to the CGA appointment thread this evening. That is a pretty good progression for one day.

Glad you are proud of your family's service and contribution ... You should be. Well done.

I'm impressed that this OP was willing to ask and to listen.

I'm not offended by ignorance . . . I have plenty myself . . . I'm only offended by those who insist to dwell within it.
 
I have to admit sitting here shaking my head in astonishment after reading your posts. If your DS doesn't follow the path you obviously think he should and attends the CGA his enormous potential (as you see it) will somehow be compromised and his life (again as you see it) will be forever ruined. Get a grip.

My son had options as well. When he told me he was accepting his appointment to the Academy, all I asked him was "are you sure." That was the last thing I said to him about it. It was his decision to make, NOT MINE. All I have seen out of him since we dropped him off at R-Day is remarkable growth and maturity and a young man I am very proud of.

And rest assured, if your DS cannot learn to problem solve he won't make it through the first year at the academy. I don't know where your misguided perceptions came from, but they are 180 degrees opposite from reality.
Thank you for sharing your viewpoint.
 
Wow- a lot of posts on this thread. I am also a mom who has a DS trying to make a decision between schools or academies...bottom line up front (BLUF), no matter what the parents thoughts are, it is your DS's decision. No matter what his motives are, support him whole heartedly. If you make the decision for him, he will resent your decision, maybe forever. Can you live with that?

Good luck, I know how hard it is not to inject you opinions or desires, but every parent needs to eventually let their child grow up and make their own decisions...
Jen thanks for your viewpoint.
 
From your post, you sound like you have no knowledge about the mission of the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard saves people's butts - day in and day out. Then, besides flat out rescuing people, there is a law enforcement and navigation mission. Your son is hardly going to turn into a mindless killing machine in the Coast Guard Academy or any other Service Academy. While others are not offended, I confess that I do find it somewhat disconcerting that you didn't take ten minutes on You Tube to at least TRY and familiarize yourself with the mission of the Coast Guard before putting up your post. I do have many family members who have been career military. My hero is my mom, who worked for the Army for 38 years, six of those years overseas, and retired with a Superior Civilian Service Award. I am so proud our family's heritage of service to our country. I am sad that serving our country is now viewed by many as a "lesser choice".
Dear Sweet Pea, Thank you for your response. I am glad that you have that strong heritage of military service and pride in it. Thank you for letting me know my son would not be turned into a mindless killing machine - I was not specifically concerned about that in
USCGA, but thanks for the clarification. So that you are aware, I will let you know that I have spent @ least half a dozen hours viewing USCG and USCGA and US service academy youtube videos prior to contacting the forum this weekend. For whatever reasons, that experience still left me wondering and of course I still wonder. However after having read and received some helpful posts, I feel better able to support what is and always has been, his decision. Therefore, my personal mission has been accomplished.
 
Sweet pea

This OP reached out, was honest with her fears and her opinions, and was willing to ask for input and information from a group that is obviously not her usual crowd. Then spent time doing some guided research on this forum for most of today. Then added her DS' CGA appointment info to the CGA appointment thread this evening. That is a pretty good progression for one day.

Glad you are proud of your family's service and contribution ... You should be. Well done.

I'm impressed that this OP was willing to ask and to listen.

I'm not offended by ignorance . . . I have plenty myself . . . I'm only offended by those who insist to dwell within it.
Thank you Falcon, for your support.
 
OP, I second everything being said here. I am not a parent, but I did go through this process, graduated from USNA, became a Marine during peacetime and was soon thrust into war. I have spent about 2 years of my life in bad places. I would not have traded those experiences, good and bad, for anything in the world. I have seen some of the most horrific things one can imagine and some of the greatest. Some of those events all happened within minutes of one another. They have shaped who I am and what I believe. I have never met a drone like killing machine who cannot think for themself. They wouldn't be tolerated. They would be sent home immediately. In the four years I was at USNA I took an enormous amount of ethics and philosophy courses. These are required and I am sure CGA has something similar. We also had tons of other character development activities such as required books, seminars, lectures, etc. These were all to challenge our thinking, discuss what is right and wrong (and for those who have taken any philosophy courses this is always a fun debate also along with what is time) and to really push our thought process. You mention your son being a renaissance man, well I personally believe the SAs provide one of the most robust educations you can find out there today to include STEM, fuzzy classes (english, history, etc) and even fuzzier classes (philosophy, ethics, etc). The US military wants those to follow orders, but they want us to be follow legal orders. We must know how to challenge when we think something is wrong or isn't right. And when we are given a legal order, we must know how to carry it out as one of our own and to the best of our ability.

I think once your DS gets to the CGA and you start to meet his friends and roommates you will realize what an accomplished group of men and women they are really. All of them had plenty of options (I know I had plenty as did all my friends), but all of them chose to be there. Follow their careers both in and out of the CG and I guarantee you will be amazed at what they accomplish in and out of uniform. To this day what some of my friends are doing has me baffled. In the last few decades I have watched my friends lead Marines and Sailors in combat on multiple occasions, win valor awards, become Blue Angels, one became an Astronaut, another joined the Peace Corps after his service, many started small businesses that have grown to strong and successful companies to include one multi million dollar company, run non-profits, command ships, command squadrons, become doctors, FBI agents, lawyers and all kinds of other amazing things. A recent survey showed top salaries of grads at certain increments post graduation. SA grads were very high on this list. So as you can see many SA grads do very well once they leave uniform. A SA is not a second choice by any means. I wish your DS the best of luck. I am glad to see you are reaching out for information, because your support will mean alot to him.
 
OP, I second everything being said here. I am not a parent, but I did go through this process, graduated from USNA, became a Marine during peacetime and was soon thrust into war. I have spent about 2 years of my life in bad places. I would not have traded those experiences, good and bad, for anything in the world. I have seen some of the most horrific things one can imagine and some of the greatest. Some of those events all happened within minutes of one another. They have shaped who I am and what I believe. I have never met a drone like killing machine who cannot think for themself. They wouldn't be tolerated. They would be sent home immediately. In the four years I was at USNA I took an enormous amount of ethics and philosophy courses. These are required and I am sure CGA has something similar. We also had tons of other character development activities such as required books, seminars, lectures, etc. These were all to challenge our thinking, discuss what is right and wrong (and for those who have taken any philosophy courses this is always a fun debate also along with what is time) and to really push our thought process. You mention your son being a renaissance man, well I personally believe the SAs provide one of the most robust educations you can find out there today to include STEM, fuzzy classes (english, history, etc) and even fuzzier classes (philosophy, ethics, etc). The US military wants those to follow orders, but they want us to be follow legal orders. We must know how to challenge when we think something is wrong or isn't right. And when we are given a legal order, we must know how to carry it out as one of our own and to the best of our ability.

I think once your DS gets to the CGA and you start to meet his friends and roommates you will realize what an accomplished group of men and women they are really. All of them had plenty of options (I know I had plenty as did all my friends), but all of them chose to be there. Follow their careers both in and out of the CG and I guarantee you will be amazed at what they accomplish in and out of uniform. To this day what some of my friends are doing has me baffled. In the last few decades I have watched my friends lead Marines and Sailors in combat on multiple occasions, win valor awards, become Blue Angels, one became an Astronaut, another joined the Peace Corps after his service, many started small businesses that have grown to strong and successful companies to include one multi million dollar company, run non-profits, command ships, command squadrons, become doctors, FBI agents, lawyers and all kinds of other amazing things. A recent survey showed top salaries of grads at certain increments post graduation. SA grads were very high on this list. So as you can see many SA grads do very well once they leave uniform. A SA is not a second choice by any means. I wish your DS the best of luck. I am glad to see you are reaching out for information, because your support will mean alot to him.
Navy Hoops, thank you for your thoughtful and well meaning response, it is very much appreciated. This is the sort of info I was seeking and I have trusted that I have come to a safe place to seek it. I do hope the USCGA has some required ethics and philosophy. Thank you again for your time and thought.
 
How2know,

It seems that one of your biggest concerns is all of the "yelling". Rest assured, the CGA is not a bunch of cadets being yelled at and then in turn yelling at others all of the time through their entire CGA careers. Constant yelling is not conducive to a rigorous academic environment. (In fact, think about it...you say you visited twice...wasn't it one of the most quiet and orderly campuses you've ever visited? How many cadets did you see yelling or being yelled at? In my experience, the cadets I've encountered are among the most civil and polite and well spoken young men or women I've ever encountered) If your son attends, he will be yelled at plenty during swab summer...for seven weeks (six really, as the Eagle cruise is a welcome change of pace). Remember, at this point, the training cadre are responsible for the swabs and their actions. Once swab summer is over, the yelling stops. He will join the Corps of Cadets and receive his shoulder boards. He will then be required and expected to follow all of the academy's rules, regulations and meet standards of conduct, fitness and academics based on what was hopefully drilled into him during the summer. Instead of being yelled at, he may get demerits or other administrative discipline if he fails to meet standards. Hopefully, the the training cadre did their jobs this will be a rarity. Then two years later, the shoe is on the other foot. Your son will be doing the yelling (with a purpose) helping with the indoctrination of the incoming swabs so that they will be able to succeed with their academics, time management and military obligations once they join the corps of cadets. For those not used to it, all of the yelling may seem unnecessary. Perhaps it is...but as someone who has witnessed the transformation of a tentative high school kid into a serious, driven and confident cadet, I wouldn't mess with the results. I had the good fortune of witnessing the shoulderboard ceremony at the end of my DD's swab summer, and the pride I witnessed there among the new 4/c s who had finished swab summer was amazing. While their peers attending civilian schools were having fun during their last summer before college, the young men and women at swab summer were doing some really remarkable things...and that's just getting them ready to do even more remarkable things once they formally join the corps of cadets just before the beginning of the fall academic term. In a sense, swab summer is designed to be a crucible. The CGA wants to make sure that each potential cadet has the dedication, desire, perseverance and fortitude to thrive at the academy and the Coast Guard before they make a huge investment in that individual's training and education. They do no want to set anybody up to fail, because believe it or not, the academy experience does not get easier once the yelling stops. The academic workload is huge, on top of which they will also have military obligations and also their extracurricular activities (sports, band, chorus, clubs, etc.).
 
Navy Hoops, thank you for your thoughtful and well meaning response, it is very much appreciated. This is the sort of info I was seeking and I have trusted that I have come to a safe place to seek it. I do hope the USCGA has some required ethics and philosophy. Thank you again for your time and thought.

There are ethics and philosophy classes at CGA.

In all honesty, do some of this work yourself. It took me 30 second to go to CGA's website www.cga.edu, click on academics and search majors and classes, by year. I understand that you may be confused or worried and that SAF is a very easy source to do all of your research and question-answering for you, but if you are REALLY concerned, dig a little yourself.

In no time you'll find "Morals and Ethics" and other classes.

What this shouldn't be is we do all of the work for you, while you come up with more questions like....

"My son wants to go to CGA... and while I think everyone who has ever gone there is a dumb old blood thirsty robot, mindlessly marching to a federal-handout-lovin' safety school, preparing to kill babies and sea turtles and puppies, because he or she couldn't get into a real school; an individual who knows nothing of the real arts, at an institution where girls dress like boys and boys mistreat girls, and where kids have only 1/1,000,00th the character and promise of my already proven child...... please don't be offended by anything I've said, but.... could you answer these easily researched questions while my life teeters on full crisis mode.... thanks."
 
Once swab summer is over, the yelling stops. He will join the Corps of Cadets and receive his shoulder boards. He will then be required and expected to follow all of the academy's rules, regulations and meet standards of conduct, fitness and academics based on what was hopefully drilled into him during the summer. Instead of being yelled at, he may get demerits or other administrative discipline if he fails to meet standards. Hopefully, the the training cadre did their jobs this will be a rarity.


Well...... SOME of us got yelled at during the school year 4/c year.... and I certainly remember "yelling" as a 2/c.... not often.... and perhaps not the full scream you'd imagine.... but you'd be amazed at how some very direct, forceful language can feel like "yelling." That said, I was definitely yelled at in the unfriendly p-ways of 2002-2003 Charlie Company (and Bravo Company was even scarier.... but I never went down there, HAHA!).
 
There are ethics and philosophy classes at CGA.
"My son wants to go to CGA... and while I think everyone who has ever gone there is a dumb old blood thirsty robot, mindlessly marching to a federal-handout-lovin' safety school, preparing to kill babies and sea turtles and puppies, because he or she couldn't get into a real school; an individual who knows nothing of the real arts, at an institution where girls dress like boys and boys mistreat girls, and where kids have only 1/1,000,00th the character and promise of my already proven child...... please don't be offended by anything I've said, but.... could you answer these easily researched questions while my life teeters on full crisis mode.... thanks."

C'mon...puppies....really?
 
How2know,

It seems that one of your biggest concerns is all of the "yelling". Rest assured, the CGA is not a bunch of cadets being yelled at and then in turn yelling at others all of the time through their entire CGA careers. Constant yelling is not conducive to a rigorous academic environment. (In fact, think about it...you say you visited twice...wasn't it one of the most quiet and orderly campuses you've ever visited? How many cadets did you see yelling or being yelled at? In my experience, the cadets I've encountered are among the most civil and polite and well spoken young men or women I've ever encountered) If your son attends, he will be yelled at plenty during swab summer...for seven weeks (six really, as the Eagle cruise is a welcome change of pace). Remember, at this point, the training cadre are responsible for the swabs and their actions. Once swab summer is over, the yelling stops. He will join the Corps of Cadets and receive his shoulder boards. He will then be required and expected to follow all of the academy's rules, regulations and meet standards of conduct, fitness and academics based on what was hopefully drilled into him during the summer. Instead of being yelled at, he may get demerits or other administrative discipline if he fails to meet standards. Hopefully, the the training cadre did their jobs this will be a rarity. Then two years later, the shoe is on the other foot. Your son will be doing the yelling (with a purpose) helping with the indoctrination of the incoming swabs so that they will be able to succeed with their academics, time management and military obligations once they join the corps of cadets. For those not used to it, all of the yelling may seem unnecessary. Perhaps it is...but as someone who has witnessed the transformation of a tentative high school kid into a serious, driven and confident cadet, I wouldn't mess with the results. I had the good fortune of witnessing the shoulderboard ceremony at the end of my DD's swab summer, and the pride I witnessed there among the new 4/c s who had finished swab summer was amazing. While their peers attending civilian schools were having fun during their last summer before college, the young men and women at swab summer were doing some really remarkable things...and that's just getting them ready to do even more remarkable things once they formally join the corps of cadets just before the beginning of the fall academic term. In a sense, swab summer is designed to be a crucible. The CGA wants to make sure that each potential cadet has the dedication, desire, perseverance and fortitude to thrive at the academy and the Coast Guard before they make a huge investment in that individual's training and education. They do no want to set anybody up to fail, because believe it or not, the academy experience does not get easier once the yelling stops. The academic workload is huge, on top of which they will also have military obligations and also their extracurricular activities (sports, band, chorus, clubs, etc.).
Thank you for your time and information AlexT. I know some people choose to yell and some institutions value it as a way of communication. I don't like yelling. According to google maps I have traveled 8,272 miles for two round trips to bring my DS for coast guard academy visits. What I saw was very quiet and the young cadet who gave us the tour the first visit was well spoken and polite. It was extremely orderly and I saw no yelling at all on my tour, in the lecture room and dining area. I have a serious, driven and confident son and I imagine that his experience there will shake him up and strengthen all of that.
 
I have a serious, driven and confident son and I imagine that his experience there will shake him up and strengthen all of that.

Absolutely! What's good to remember is CGA is a training environment. While yelling isn't attractive, it helps to overwhelm cadets, and allows the cadre to teach the swabs how to rise about an overwhelming situation to get something done. All of that yelling and pressure in the safety of Chase Hall (or anywhere else at CGA) will help them move past, say a Cuban migrant "riot," on the flight deck of a ship. Instead of panicing, they will be able to manage, to some degree, their emotions and respond.
 
There are ethics and philosophy classes at CGA.

In all honesty, do some of this work yourself. It took me 30 second to go to CGA's website www.cga.edu, click on academics and search majors and classes, by year. I understand that you may be confused or worried and that SAF is a very easy source to do all of your research and question-answering for you, but if you are REALLY concerned, dig a little yourself.

In no time you'll find "Morals and Ethics" and other classes.

What this shouldn't be is we do all of the work for you, while you come up with more questions like....

"My son wants to go to CGA... and while I think everyone who has ever gone there is a dumb old blood thirsty robot, mindlessly marching to a federal-handout-lovin' safety school, preparing to kill babies and sea turtles and puppies, because he or she couldn't get into a real school; an individual who knows nothing of the real arts, at an institution where girls dress like boys and boys mistreat girls, and where kids have only 1/1,000,00th the character and promise of my already proven child...... please don't be offended by anything I've said, but.... could you answer these easily researched questions while my life teeters on full crisis mode.... thanks."
Line in the Sand, Apparently, I have offended after all and my emotionality (due to a full crisis mode that you have no clue about) and informational seeking efforts were a poor combination and demonstrate inappropriate etiquette for this forum. My apologies.
 
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