My Parents don't Approve, Discouraged

All parents are different, and there is no way for any of us, possibly even you, to understand the motivations and feelings of your parents. Perhaps they were hoping you'd use your abilities in a different way. Maybe they've heard how brutal SAs can be and fear you don't understand that. They have years of experience at life and know you better than anyone, so talk to them, give them respect and listen to what they have to say...then make your decision after careful consideration.

To doubtful parents: We are a very close family by choice and by design. Our shared faith is strong, we have home-schooled exclusively, we have lived all over the U.S. and had to start all over at making friends many times, depending on each other to be the closest friends. As a mom, my life has revolved around my husband and kids. I gave up my career, even stopped my education, to dedicate myself to raising our children. (and I wouldn't change that for the world) So, when my son (oldest) decided he wanted to be a SEAL, my heart sank. However, I raised him to make his own decisions, to have a passion for life, to use the gifts he has been given...so after talking to him and hearing his reasons, we let him go and trusted that God knew what He was doing. Due to an injury the SEAL adventure ended part way through training, but now my son has an amazing career as a Navy vocalist. He is in Japan...pretty far away...and we see him once per year...we miss him...but he has grown and matured in ways I could not have fathomed in the past three years. When our second son decided on USNA, we encouraged him whole-heartedly. We are immensely proud of both of your boys! We miss both of them, but we get to see our USNA son A LOT more than our enlisted one. And, I know there are parents with kids in situations much tougher than ours. We raised them to grow into independent young men, but we still communicate with them regularly and have actually grown closer, though I didn't think that was possible. Parents, it may not be easy, at times it's downright heart-rending, but you can do this...and you will grow as much as your child does! :thumb:

To the OP: I know a young lady (got to know her on this forum and met her at PPW) whose parents did not support her decision to attend USNA. She is now nearing the end of her Plebe year. She told me her parents are coming around and beginning to understand her decision. I admired her so much for just completing the application process without her parents' help! You have a year to convince your parents that this isn't just a whim for you. Perhaps when they see your determination and passion for attending a service academy, they will come around, or perhaps it will take them until PPW or Herndon, or maybe even graduation, but I hope at some point they will begin to feel the pride of being a SA parent and will support you whole-heartedly! :biggrin:

Whistle Pig, Memphis, 1964 and several others give great advice backed up with experience, and there are lots of parents hanging out on this forum. I hope you get helpful advice and encouragement here!
 
hopeful2016:

My DD has had to face a range of responses, first to her attempt to enter a SA, now to her intention to be commissioned as a Marine. Even though I have always been her biggest fan, I initially laughed at her when she said that she wanted to go to USNA. Why did I do that? Two reasons, first because I knew that she simply wasn't in good enough shape to pass the CFA. Second, because I wanted to determine just how much passion she had, and whether she understood what she was getting into. Her response was to start getting up at 0530 to do workouts before school, and she kept it up throughout her jr & sr years of HS. Once she showed how important USNA was to her, we had a number of discussions in which I raised negative issues - hobbies she would have to give up, dangers she would face, reasons why she wanted to do this. In each case, she gave very mature explanations that showed the level of her thought and commitment. She won me over.

Many of my family members (to my surprise) supported her immediately, but her dad and most of his family did not, even through her Plebe year. (At her going away party, one of her grandparents pulled her aside to tell her that they would pay for her college elsewhere.) They are now resigned to her being at USNA, but I am not sure if any will travel to attend graduation and Commissioning, particularly if she carries through on becoming a Marine.

Our BGO did talk to me about family support or lack thereof as part of the interview process. It is hard enough to get through USNA with good support, so having lack of family support can be a big red flag. That doesn't mean that you can't make it, but you need to consider the implications.

The more you demonstrate your sincerity and commitment, the more likely you are to get your family to at least not oppose you, even if they never actively support your plan. That includes every aspect of your preparation, from your workouts to being able to convey in a respectful and adult manner why you are pursuing your plan. If your family will not provide emotional support, it will be critical for you can develop a different support system, and be ready to articulate it to your BGO.

Best of luck.
 
My dad had some doubts orginally. Up until 10th grade, I wanted to be a heart and lung surgeon like him and take over the family practice. In 10th grade, something inside me was knew that a civilian career was not for me. I wanted to go to the front lines, to fight and lead for the interests of my country.

My dad grew up in eastern europe behind the iron curtain. He was conscripted when he was 18 and the army was one of the worst experiences of his life.(He admits that it shaped him into the man he is today) He was on a special search and rescue team. He is not one of those pacifists who hates the military but he hated it because the military basically treated its soldiers like dirt. Eventually he fought in the revolution and came to the US. Now, he is behind me all the way and we are both working on trying to secure a principal nomination. He supports me but he still rather I do rotc somewhere close and become a surgeon like him.

My mother on the other hand also immigrated here. Her side of the family is very germanic. (Living in the netherlands though) My grandpa is like "grandson, you will serve in the military some day as thats the best profession a man can have."

My parents were a bit skeptical at first saying "really, hmm, interesting" They thought i might change my mind, but the there is no better life than life in the army.
 
If its your abilities they are doubting, tell them that applying won't harm anything since in their opinion you won't be accepted.
If they are against it, I agree with SaltLife's advice.
If none of this works, pull the "It's free" (kind of) card!
Hope this helps
 
And IF you play the "freebie" card? You may want to conveniently ignore the harsh truth that indeed it is anything but, unless 5 years ... or even all of one's earthly life might be considered inconsequential required pay-back.

Remember though, the greatest danger to you and your peers ... dying at the hands of a drunk driver w/in 25 miles of your home.
 
I (mom here) agree with the previous advice to visit one or more of the service academies as a family.

While I was already supportive of my son's ambition to attend West Point, visiting during the academic year really increased my enthusiasm. I was so impressed with some of the intangible qualities that the cadets and young officers exhibited, things like respect, self confidence, humor, humility. We live in a university town and have a lot of contact with students, but the student body at the service academies seems really different in a lot of ways. Impressive to this parent.

I am impressed that you are asking advice of parents on the forum. I am sure that this attitude and your willingness to listen to your parents will go a long way towards continuing a helpful dialogue with them.

You ask why they may object; best to learn that from them. It could be so many things- the potential for harm to come to you, the lengthy service commitment, worries about you setting a high goal and perhaps failing, concerns about whether they will get to see you as much as if you were choosing a civilian future, issues related to being a female officer. It could also be that there are some choices/behaviors they have seen in your past that cause them concern. As a parent it can be hard to recognize that a teen has learned from and moved on from past choices.

While it is clear from previous posts that it's possible to go this road without your parents' support, ideally in the months ahead you and they can work together on your college plans. If you continue to do all you can to promote discussion with them and win them over 1) it may work and 2) you will have no regrets.

I commend you for your positive, solution-oriented approach to a difficult situation. Keep us informed!
 
Just explain to your mother that you really want to srve your country in the best possible way... the military. Also, tell her that it will be in the Navy, not like going to Iraq and getting shot at every day. Also, if she complains about the physical challenges with plebe summer/training, tell her that it is just officer training to teach you how to lead people, not kill them.
 
Mine would offer a few notions for communicating ...

1. Parents have 2 jobs. Sometimes we need to be reminded of both, painful as it can be ...

A. To give our children roots. To be able to stand firm in strong winds, against the evils and temptations of the world, and to know what those are. It seems your parents have done a superb job of planting, nurturing. A beautiful strong oak is growing and has deep, strong roots holding you.

B. To give our children wings. To be able to fly freely and well from the safety of the nest. And to be able to fly back. When tethers and short leashes prevent the first, resentment and rebellion discourage the latter.

2. Now is time to test the good wings they've provided for you.

3. Let them know how blessed and fortunate you are ... and you are ... to have parents who love you so much they find it hard to let you test the wings they've been working to give you for nearly 20 years. And how much you appreciate their care, worry.

4. Unlike the way so many of your peers choose to "grow up", you are seeking to take responsibility for your own education, your immediate career and future, and your first job.

5. You respect and love them. And you know they have exactly those same feelings for you.

6. The greatest possible harm ... preventing you from pursuing and doing your best, making them proud to have reared a child who cares about them, himself, and his country.
 
So I talked to my mom about wanting to apply and enroll into USNA. But she is completely against it and told me that if I was to go that she would commit suicide. I am so torn in between because I really want to attend USNA but I don't want my mom to commit suicide
 
Best to start a new thread then tack onto one from 5 yrs ago. Most of those participants aren't even around any longer.
 
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