Need advice from sane USNA parents

mom3boys

mom3boys

10-Year Member
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I have a friend whose daughter has been dating a mid for two years. [edit: removed any possible personal identifiable information]. He has convinced her to drop out of college and rent an apt. in Annapolis near the academy (he's planning to help pay for it). She is planning to get a job in Annapolis as well. My friend is not supportive of this at all, but her daughter is over 18 and "in love." She is doing this without any support or help from the parents (they won't even allow her to take her car). I see all kinds of red lights here, both for the mid and the young lady. He tells her he can jog by her apt and wave daily, then they'll have weekends together. I cannot imagine him being able to do his studying or leadership responsibilities with this kind of distraction, and I imagine her being miserable knowing he's close and can't come see her. I would assume the academy would totally frown on this kind of arrangement. Any ideas of what to say to my friend about this? Oh, and his parents think it's a wonderful idea! :eek:
 
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Say nothing. It's not your nor my business,nor anyone else here's. I feel like a private decision they've made should not be publicized on an internet forum and that this thread should be canned. Midshipmen do enjoy privacy and not having strangers comment on their decisions just as much as you. Rememeber that this is a heavily viewed site.

The academy community is fairly small, little things like this get spread around and warped fast.
 
No red flags here, nor any need for advice. They're young adults, doing what young adults do, off the Yard. It's not that uncommon to have a GF, less often BF, live out in town on her/his own. Plenty of college students around here have apartments and date mids, and are far away from the hometown. As long as he sees her on authorized liberty and leave times, he's fine. He can do what he wants with his money. Living real life in an apartment, getting a job, maybe doing some community college courses, she will get an education of a different kind.

Agree with mademu, let it be. None of us are her parents or his, unless they are!
 
Thank you for your candor. This isn't nearly as common at WP, but then again, there isn't the same type of town nearby. I will convey your thoughts to my very distraught friend.
 
brian3321

I don't think that it is a good idea. I wonder what the Mids parents would think if the girlfriend prompted him to drop out of USNA and get a 'job' locally, while she studied to achieve her goals. They could spend a lot of time together and she would get her degree and then what? Support him? I think they are kind of young to be playing house. If she get's pregnant - he's out of USNA! I think they should get their careers in place - and then get on with the serious dating.
 
mom3boys - This sounds so.... 1970's. Get the GF to drop out of college and 'support' (one way or another) his college degree.
Honestly, I can understand why her parents would be upset. This reeks of a midshipman who is so full of himself he *needs* his girlfriend to get an apartment so he has someplace to go on the weekends.
That said - it's been done and I know of at least one instance where it ended badly.

Good point brian3321, isn't there a double standard??
I am sure if the thread was about a Mid whose GF asked him to quit for her folks would be all over that.
I wonder what folks would think if the Mid was a female who asked her BF to quit college, get an apt and a job in town?? **horrors!**

What to say to her parents?? I have no idea. They already have a bad feeling about this. If she is not 21 there is a risk of over age Mids bringing alcohol into her apartment. This could leave her in legal trouble. Worse, if her bf brought over underaged mids and alcohol was present . He wouldn't be in trouble but she would.
I just can't believe the motivation is for him to have a place to watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon. I think her parents need to sit down and have this discussion with her.
 
This thread should be deleted. This mid is getting thrashed by a bunch of mothers on a site that's a top hit for Google. This has nothing to do with USNA, this thread was started for the purpose of roasting this mid and continues to be that.
 
Take this down. People talking about MIDS personnel relationships should be a No NO!!!:thumbdown:
 
To those who are concerned:

There was initially minimal personally identifying information and at this time I have removed even that little bit from the original post.

I will continue to support this thread as I believe it does have topical relevance as BF/GF issues are huge within the service academies. Someone asked for advice, advice is being given. Nobody is trashing any particular person and I feel the comments so far have been a reasoned thought process of a parent.

I welcome any opposite arguments to the common theme here that people don't think it's a good idea.
 
The OP is not a parent of a MID involved in the situation. The posting of the details of a personal relationship was initiated by a third party. It might have relevance for discussion if brought up by a current MID, parents of a current MID, parents of the GF/BF or the BF/GF themselves. The OP has made many contributions to the discussions on this forum but I think this is out of bounds. If some third party was discussing the relationships of my MID on an internet forum (even if it is hard for us to figure out who they are, MIDS are resourceful) I would be really p****d off. BF/GF issues should be addressed by the parents involved or the MID. They are also adults and can make their own decisions without the input of a bunch of ...Fill In The Blanks..... Close the Thread! I can not see a topical relevance for a thread started by a third party discussing two adults who have no family relationship to the OP. Unless this has become a review of The Jersey Shore.
 
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Wow, pretty heated feelings there. Just because I live in GA does not mean this is a GA mid; in fact, it is not...so I cannot imagine this is some mystery waiting to be solved. My friend asked for some advice; I don't have friends with kids at Navy, so I thought this was a safe place to throw the question out for some opinions. This is a very conservative friend who is very upset by a situation...she doesn't know anyone at USNA except for the mid. I figured an anonymous forum was a safe place to ask. I am sorry if you think it's a MYOB situation...it was a fact finding mission. I had no idea this was so common in Annapolis. She may in fact be relieved to know that her daughter will have so many young ladies to spend time with as they wait for their mids to jog by and wave. :rolleyes:
 
I understand some of our members have strong feelings about this discussion. However, I think KP2001 made perfectly clear the position of the forum staff on this particular matter.

I will reiterate our stance. At this time there is no reason to close this thread or stop discussion. This thread is no different than any number of threads discussing various service academy relationship issues.

We will continue to monitor and respond as necessary to any issues that arise.

Thank you for your time.

-TN
 
I've already heard this brought up in a normal conversation. Guess where they saw it? Another one for the rumor bank.
 
All the young maidens are hanging out the windows at 0530 on King George Street waiting for Prince Charming to run by and wave. Then they toddle off to Burger King (if they are lucky) to while away their ten hour day in bliss at $7.00 an hour. Coming home refreshed from their wondrous day they return to their palace and wait till rosy dawn when they can again catch a glimpse of his magnificent presence through the window. Oh soft, what light, through yonder window etc. etc... Ah but the weekend beckons and all will be well. Then it starts all over again on Monday. It wasn't a nerve it was a root canal. But he had a great weekend.
 
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I heard about this thread over lunch with friends yesterday who suggested that I register and reply. Several years ago we faced the same situation with our daughter. In February of her sophomore year in college, she told us that she planned to leave school and move to Annapolis to be near her boyfriend. We were devastated, of course, but held our tongues until we had carefully and thoughtfully reviewed our options. We talked at length with the boy’s parents, and the four of us came to the conclusion that we had two avenues: the first was to express our disapproval, make things difficult (if not impossible) for our children and risk damaging, or losing our relationship with them. The second would be to support their decision and make the transition as easy as possible, thus maintaining a loving and respectful relationship whether things worked out for them or not. We chose the latter. We packed her up at the end of her sophomore year, and brought her home. We spent the next month searching for apartments in Annapolis, and shopping for all of the required household items. She found a very good job at a local insurance company and in mid July we packed up her car and a small moving van and she settled into life just outside the gates of USNA. We paid for her apartment costs and she covered her incidental costs. Everything else she earned went into a savings account. Her boyfriend’s parents contributed to that savings account monthly. They were married in the USNA chapel the summer after his graduation. They had a nice little nest egg with which to begin their navy life. They have been happily married for many years, and our son-in-law often comments that he would not have been as successful at USNA had she not been there. Those last two years in Annapolis are some of their fondest memories. They have a wonderful life.
 
I guess it just depends on your mindset. I view my son's academy education as something he should focus solely on, with as few distractions as possible. When my friend asked what I thought about the proposed situation, it was from this view I responded. Different academies and all that...

Finding a "great job" in this market will be a neat trick, but thanks for sharing your story.

Again, thanks to all for sharing insights and opinions!

Go Army :biggrin:
 
Not only is there a town nearby which supports this type of thing, but also the culture of the Navy is entirely different. The Navy goes to sea. There are a lot of pesky rules concerning dress codes while going to and from the ship and the handling of alcohol while doing so. It has raised the concept of the “Admin ashore”. When in any liberty port, the officers especially, will break into manageable groups and rent a hotel room for the duration of the port visit. It has become so “official” that representatives are allowed to depart the ship a couple of days prior to its pulling into port and make arrangements for the “Admin”. So it is difficult for an institution where all the officers have just reported from this environment to the Academy to officially dissuade an apartment in town. It is Navy culture. My company classmates rented a dump in town. I met my wife at an apartment which my classmate’s fiancée had rented when she moved to town the previous year. My fiancée then rented the apartment next door my first class year. No, it probably did not help my grade point average or raise my ‘grease’. However, a part of being an officer is making decisions and learning to accept the consequences, is it not? They have always been there and they always will. The mid in this situation is only attempting what many of his classmates are already doing.

Go Navy
 
Is there a community college or regular college nearby? If so, she could continue her studies. If not, she could enroll in online classes. Best of both worlds.
 
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