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I would love to see a study of military brats and how many change branches.
Our DS is obviously going to stay AF, but I wonder if that is the norm or if they change branches more.
 
Pima said:
I would love to see a study of military brats and how many change branches.
Our DS is obviously going to stay AF, but I wonder if that is the norm or if they change branches more.
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My dad was retired Army (but was Navy first)...

Both my sisters married soldiers
My brother was in the Navy then Army Nat'l Guard
I married a Marine, then an Airman (he is now retired)

My daughter wants nothing to do with the AF (she told her dad sorry)
She only applied to CGA and MMA.
 
It is funny because I have met many spouses and the sisters are married to military members...too many to count. However, all of the ones I know have married within the came branch.

I only really learned about the CG until we moved to AK, and I lived in awe of them. I think the CG never gets enough credit...what they do is amazing.
 
Pima said:
It is funny because I have met many spouses and the sisters are married to military members...too many to count. However, all of the ones I know have married within the came branch.

I only really learned about the CG until we moved to AK, and I lived in awe of them. I think the CG never gets enough credit...what they do is amazing.
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We were invited to an Academy night back in Winter 2007 by a rep for the USNA. That is where she wanted to go.. but after that evening talking with the CGA and MMA reps and cadets she no longer wanted USNA..... But undecided between those two.....

Then came AIM.. and she came home singing Semper Paratus (almost)...
 
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Our friend who graduated from the AFA now has a son at the USNA. The irony is our friend left the AF after 12 yrs b/c he spent so much time away from his kids that he decided he wanted to be with them. By the time his son was 8 he realized he missed half his life...10 yrs later his son is now going into the military. It was a shock to them b/c A. they live in CO near the AFA and B. their son wants the Navy!
 
I don't get the hype here.
Marrying someone and leaving them pregnant or alone for many months or years just doesn't seem very humane to me. I would rather stay single. I just don't see how it's fair to the woman (or to the man if the woman is in the military). I know some of you are going to say that you understood, but...still?? isn't it just wrong? Did it feel right? I know I would feel really really bad.

Another thing,
Why have children at all without settling down?

:confused:confused
 
Be careful there AFA2013, many posters did just that with pride. Kinda insulting to them by speaking that way.
 
No insult intended! Sorry, I was talking to Pima and Bullet and a few others when I first got to this forum about how my girlfriend and I are wondering what we should do with our lives for the specific reasons I asked. She wants to be situated in the New England region near her parents and, obviously, I want to see the world. I was just wondering what made some people make these hard decisions to comply with their husbands/wives. I find the decision of killing her dreams to follow mine would be selfish on my part.

Hope this clarifies it:thumb:



Oh and thanks for the heads up hornet, I couldn't send a reply message.
 
Not insulting, hornet, afa2013 just doesn't understand that life still comes at you, whether the military issues it to you or not (a play on the old saying, "if the Army (or AF, or Navy, or CG, or whatever) wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one...")

AFA, I'm sure all of the parents here in our teen years thought similar thoughts -- "Why get married and have kids? It will just interfere with my plans and my dreams. How am I going to be able to see the world and have a girl (or a guy) in every port if I'm tied down with a spouse back home?"

But then something wonderful happens, and I can only hope it happens to you as well. You meet that "someone", THE "one", the person you know your heart would stop beating if you had to live life without. The one who makes you want to settle down and share your life with, and you're happier than anything that they agree to do it. And you'll want to share your life with them, have kids with them, and share the joys of being a family with them. And when your children are born, you know, instantly, that there is nothing you wouldn't do to keep them safe and happy. Your life and your heart is complete because they are there.

And, if your REALLY lucky, they love you just as much, and they understand when you have to tell them, for the umpteenth time, "Honey, our nation is calling. I have to go..." And they hold back the tears as they kiss you goodbye, and tell you not to worry because they will be strong enough for the both of you back home, raising your family. They understand that when the nation calls you to serve, it calls them to serve as well...

Does it make you feel guilty you are not there? Does it make you angry you miss so much of thier lives? Does it make your heart break? Oh, does it ever! And there are many I know who have said "enough, I can't do that to them anymore." And I will NEVER say a bad word about thier decision, because I know how tough it is.

But mostly, I counted my blessings that I was lucky enough to be partnered with someone soooo special, someone who could handle the separations and the hardships (why does something in the house ALWAYS break down two weeks after I deploy????!!!!!). But mostly, someone who accepted it, lovingly, because they knew what being married to me and sharing my dream of being an officer in the AF meant.

Pima mentioned it before in this thread. At my retirement ceremony, I mentioned our "in-house" joke that the AF was my wife and she was my mistress. My finally words to the assembled crowd was to her: "Honey, I'm sorry for that. You are now the only one, I'm home to stay". Pima never got the medals, never got the parades, or the accolades. She deserves them more than I ever did. She was my rock throughout my career, and I could never thank her enough for what she did for us those 20+ years. I'll just have to show her.

So, AFA2013, it is easy now to say "how can you do something so cruel as to leave her behind all those years?" My simple answer: God blessed me and put us together. He must have known what he was doing....

May you truly be blessed to find your special someone as well one day, and may you appreciate her as much. The choice will be yours at that point, serve my country or be with my family? Never an easy answer, but with the right person, at least you get to ask the question....
 
unitedstatesAFA2013 said:
I want to see the world. I was just wondering what made some people make these hard decisions to comply with their husbands/wives. I find the decision of killing her dreams to follow mine would be selfish on my part.

Hope this clarifies it:thumb:
Oh and thanks for the heads up hornet, I couldn't send a reply message.
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I dont think comply is a good choice of words.. :)

I never complied to anything ... marriage is a partnership ... even when one of the members is in the military ...


Bravo Bullet! :thumb:
 
Great meandering in this thread, and I especially enjoyed Bullet's post just above -- I need an emoticon with a tear. Great words, thank you, from one who's been there.

Military families face many challenges, and for a young couple starting out, it's learning how to be together on Mondays and Tuesdays, not just Hot Date Weekends; understanding relationships take tending and hard work, especially in communicating each other's needs and wants and finding common ground. That includes having very hard discussions about the nature of military life and how choice is not often a part of the equation. Life is indeed unfair sometimes.

My hat is off to all the spouses I have known over the years, immensely strong men and women who could carry on with their lives, take of business at home, while their loved ones went in harm's way. It can be done, but it must be done with a willing heart. Such has been the nature of military families since warriors have been leaving home to defend their tribe, country or clan.

"The system" is designed to shed people along the way. Many will start in the Class of 2013, not all will graduate, for a variety of reasons. Some will complete their initial obligation and get out, for a variety of reasons, of which a perfectly legitimate one is recognizing that for them, they are no longer willing to serve away from their family. Some will stay a bit longer, and leave for the same reasons. Some will retire at 20 years, the earliest possible, and gratefully know they won't deploy again. Some will go on to serve 30 years and possibly beyond. I have heard many a senior officer or senior enlisted leader, with decades of service behind them, say simply, "we are going to go where my spouse says and do what he or she wants now, because they've followed me faithfully for x years." The military life is not for everyone. At some point, those who serve reach a point where, though they love their service, they make a decision to pursue another life. It's an individual choice balancing many, many factors.
 
As others have said - Life comes at you. Corporate America has adopted some of the same practices as the military. The joke is that IBM actually means " I been moved." Spouses are trailing, their own careers suffering, kids are changing schools and moves happen at the drop of a hat. Life is a series of compromises and you will deal with that whatever career field you enter.

Now, please, don't anyone think that I am saying that the sacrifices of these corporate folks are equivalent to the sacrifices military families make. Not even close! But my point to afa2013 is that no one avoids these issues completely. That is why marriage has to be a solid partnership.

I swore growing up that I would NEVER marry a man in the military. Then I met, dated, became friends with (very important!) and fell in love with my husband. By the time I realized that he was in Army ROTC, I was committed to him. This year we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Was it hard? Yes! But we were part of a large, very close family everywhere we went. The support system was there. I learned that I could do plumbing, and handle power tools. I learned things about myself that I probably wouldn't have in civilian life. Oh, and the places we've lived! The opportunities we've had! We've lived in Greece, Germany, Canada and now Belgium. The kids actually got jaded - "Do I have to go with you to Paris again when Grandma is here?" (Add in teenage whine on the words have and again.)

Through all the difficulties, we were a team. We were committed to making it work and making the best of what came our way. There were times when my husband asked for or took assignments that weren't career-enhancing for the benefit of the family. Now the kids are finally grown and he's retired. Our joke is that now we finally have to decide what we want to do "when we grow up!" It's been a rough ride at times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!
 
First of all...youth ain't it grand! I remember when Bullet and I were 1st married and I was pregnant with DS I asked him did you ever think that by the time you were 25 you would be married and be a Dad? Absolutely not was his reply. He believed that he wouldn't get married until he was @35. Life sometimes takes you on a different road than you ever planned.

Second of all...let's take it from the flipside. Life as a spouse was undeniably amazing. I would not have traded one job promotion for the world. When you find that right one you will know it. If they are the right one they will never mind being the mistress to the military. A very big part of love is wanting to see your mate smile. To know that they got to live their life without a what if is something that you cherish for being a part of. I always knew that the 20 yrs would fly by, and my day would come where I get to live my dreams. I was the wife that said to Bullet, it's time to say goodby, I don't want to litter our children around the world. Our DS will be now following his Dad's footsteps and we are so proud of his choice. If you see it from that point it should be a big lightbulb...any child who felt that they resented moving and the parent being gone alot would not put themselves voluntarily into that situation. If you look through the thread we talk about military brats becoming spouses or AD...that is a huge testament.

Without the AF, I would have had a very successful career, yes, I gave it up to follow Bullet. However, without Bullet I would have never had so much happiness. I never saw him as being selfish and dragging many anywhere (okay Mt. Home Idaho would have never been on my list of places to visit). Without Bullet I would have never met my 2 very best friends in the world. My kids would have never learned that friends are family members that you choose. Without Bullet I wouldn't have seen AK and the northern lights or watched Moose eat blueberries outside of my diningroom window. Without him I would never know the hum of the electric milk cart in the morning in England. Without him I would never have spent hours playing spoons with my girlfriends while they were deployed or ha my weekly Tuesday morning coffee. Without him I would have never become the self reliant person that I am today. I worry for my boys about who they marry, b/c they might have an unrealistic view of what a Mom and wife is...I can guarantee you every military wife knows how to hang wallpaper, paint, fill nail holes (with toothpaste:shake:), and most likely how to change a flat tire without ever asking the DH for help and they do this while running between 3 soccer fields and being snack person or why they have chicken pox! I hope that my boys get that I was a freak of nature and that it was not normal.

Never ever believe that you are being selfish for asking her to follow you...if she/he is the right one their bags will be packed before the orders are even cut! I use to laugh and say aren't we getting orders soon, my feet are getting itchy, and my body is telling me it's time to move. The excitement about going to a new base always makes the tears of saying goodby more bearable...also the reality is for the AF flyers you will see them again.

Just to add why I said it was time, it was because I knew if we stayed I would lose our kids. Their home would become wherever they graduated HS from or went to college and that was a price I didn't want to pay. I know we have lost DS to the AF and for him I am happy because he will have an amazing life, it's just hard to realize that I will most likely not be there for the birth of our grandchildren or to just pop over, but heck in 20 yrs he might become a beltway bandit too and be back home with us again.

I was proud to call myself an AF wife. I was proud that Bullet was willing to sacrifice everything he loved for people that he never met. No career can ever replace the emotional pride when you pin on their next rank and they acknowledge you as the reason they made it there. Most of all I learned something that I still hold dear in my heart and on my fridge

FREEDOM IS THE WORD THOSE PROTECTED BY NEVER TRULY KNOW THE MEANING OF...I do and no paycheck in the world will ever be as valuable as that.

BTW KPMum I agree, I still can hear the kids saying do we have to go see the Cherry Blossoms again or please not Williwaw (Portage Glacier), can't you just go without me!

Hornet you only think I am a rockstar because I can play Crud with the boys!...Another thing I would have never known without Bullet...the worlds best game...although Jeremiah Weed is something I could pass on knowing...sorry CC
 
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unitedstatesAFA2013 said:
No insult intended! Sorry, I was talking to Pima and Bullet and a few others when I first got to this forum about how my girlfriend and I are wondering what we should do with our lives for the specific reasons I asked. She wants to be situated in the New England region near her parents and, obviously, I want to see the world. I was just wondering what made some people make these hard decisions to comply with their husbands/wives. I find the decision of killing her dreams to follow mine would be selfish on my part.

Hope this clarifies it:thumb:



Oh and thanks for the heads up hornet, I couldn't send a reply message.
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It all comes up. Some time, that relationship will get more serious, or you will break up and at some point meet that "special someone". This subject will come up, especially if you're looking at a career with 20+ years. You wife is not going to want to wait until she's 45 to have a baby (I assume). It's not a subject that you might head full force into, but, she'll start to say "Am I going to do this forever?" You'll need to figure that out.
 
she'll start to say "Am I going to do this forever?" You'll need to figure that out.
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The older you get the faster that conversation will come up. When you are in college it won't come up for yrs...when you are both in your careers and it is time for you to PCS it will come up very fast.
 
Also make sure you choose wisely, because every spouse at the 10 yr anniversary teases their spouse...It is when the military prenup kicks in...we get 50% of your retirement pay for the rest of your life. I always told Bullet that if we ever divorced I would take the fall b/c I would want him to get promoted, since I was now financially vested in the situation:wink:...now that he is retired it just isn't worth divorcing him for that pay...JK BULLET you know I love you!

I also use to tease Bullet and tell him to be good to me because he was worth more to me dead than alive due to the amt of life insurance I had on him:shake:
 
Pima said:
Also make sure you choose wisely, because every spouse at the 10 yr anniversary teases their spouse...It is when the military prenup kicks in...we get 50% of your retirement pay for the rest of your life. I always told Bullet that if we ever divorced I would take the fall b/c I would want him to get promoted, since I was now financially vested in the situation:wink:...now that he is retired it just isn't worth divorcing him for that pay...JK BULLET you know I love you!

I also use to tease Bullet and tell him to be good to me because he was worth more to me dead than alive due to the amt of life insurance I had on him:shake:
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Just to clarify... I divorced my Marine husband after 8 years... I WAS; per the court order entitled to 42% of his retirement.. I didnt ask for it, but the lawyer put it in the paperwork and the judge signed off on it. Didn't need to hit that 10 year mark :redface:
 
I didn't know you could do that.

When I was getting my Masters in one of our finance classes we had to determine where the breaking point was for a LTC getting divorced owing 50%pay would be compared to buying her out...it came out in the 100s of thousands. The end result was it was not cost efficient to buy her out.
 
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