Could you guys let me know what you think of my essay. The prompt was, "Why I Want to Attend a Military Service Academy." Right now it's kind of a draft but please be honest. Thanks.
Attending one of America’s Service Academies is an honor in itself. The tradition and commitment to excellency behind the Service Academies would make any student proud to attend. However, many short and long term benefits come along with that experience. Receiving a quality education from one of the nation’s top rated colleges would benefit not only one’s military career, but as well as their civilian career. After graduating, receiving an officer commission would provide the armed service with quality leaders for a better tomorrow. That is one thing I have longed for since elementary school; to be part of the greatest military the world has seen, to be part of a force that has contributed to so much to society and to give back to the world we live in.
Attending one of America’s Service Academies is an honor in itself. The tradition and commitment to excellency behind the Service Academies would make any student proud to attend. However, many short and long term benefits come along with that experience. Receiving a quality education from one of the nation’s top rated colleges would benefit not only one’s military career, but as well as their civilian career. After graduating, receiving an officer commission would provide the armed service with quality leaders for a better tomorrow. That is one thing I have longed for since elementary school; to be part of the greatest military the world has seen, to be part of a force that has contributed to so much to society and to give back to the world we live in.