Nomination Essay

[anonymous_782]

Hello, I am writing a 300 word essay on why do I wish to attend a service academy.

Here is what I have (Give me any critiques or advice I'm open to anything):

I wish to pursue an education at a service academy because it would provide me with an opportunity to serve my country and study my passion for international affairs. My desire to serve in the United States Army comes from the inspiration of my great-great-great-grandfather, Lieutenant Colonel Samuel L. Hunstable, who fought for the Union in the Civil War. He created a legacy that is still being remembered to this day. I, too, wish to create my own military legacy and reignite this calling to serve in the Army, beginning with my time at the United States Military Academy at West Point.


Academically, I wish to begin my postsecondary education at an institution that has exceptional international affairs and foreign language programs. West Point's International Affairs program offers an approach to teaching that prepares cadets to utilize this knowledge once they have graduated and become army officers. It is this direct approach that I desire, so after my time at West Point, I can use and build off of this knowledge to go further in my education and career within the U.S. Army. One program in particular stood out to me within West Point's International Affairs program, which is the Advanced Individual Academic Development (AIAD) Program. It is a summer program dedicated to providing cadets with cultural immersion in foreign countries, the development of leadership skills, and intellectual challenges. Often, there is a specific project assigned that is to be completed at the end of the program. This is not simply a study abroad program that thousands of other schools have; it is an opportunity that only West Point can provide.

The opportunity to attend a service academy would be an honor. There are numerous other reasons why I wish to attend West Point, but that is all I can give in 300 words.

 

[Capt MJ]

You are investing many words in giving a tutorial on what USMA offers.

Service? Leadership? Core values? Character? Personal development? Dig deeper into why this is your desired path to a commission in the Army. A service academy is so much more than a place to explore an academic passion.

“The U.S. Military Academy at West Point's mission is "to educate, train, and inspire the Corps of Cadets so that each graduate is a commissioned leader of character committed to the values of Duty, Honor, Country and prepared for a career of professional excellence and service to the Nation as an officer in the United States Army.’”

 

[anonymous_782]

Thank you for the advice.

I revised my original.

You are investing many words in giving a tutorial on what USMA offers.

Service? Leadership? Core values? Character? Personal development? Dig deeper into why this is your desired path to a commission in the Army. A service academy is so much more than a place to explore an academic passion.

“The U.S. Military Academy at West Point's mission is "to educate, train, and inspire the Corps of Cadets so that each graduate is a commissioned leader of character committed to the values of Duty, Honor, Country and prepared for a career of professional excellence and service to the Nation as an officer in the United States Army."

Here is what I have now. I tried to take a personal route and avoid talking so much about what West Point has to offer.:

I wish to pursue an education at a service academy because it would provide me with an opportunity to serve my country, study my passion for international affairs, and develop my leadership skills. My desire to serve in the United States Army comes from the inspiration of my great-great-great-grandfather, Lieutenant Colonel Samuel L. Hunstable, who fought for the Union in the Civil War. He created a legacy that is still being remembered to this day. I, too, wish to create my own military legacy and reignite this calling to serve in the Army, beginning with my time at the United States Military Academy at West Point. I wish to repay this country that I call home and that has given me many freedoms through my service in the U.S. Army.


Academically, I wish to begin my postsecondary education at an institution that has exceptional international affairs and foreign language programs. I have always had a strong attachment to learning about cultures, languages, customs, and foreign government systems. I wish to build upon these passions if accepted to West Point, given that it excels in this area of social science.


In my life, I strive to work for ideas and organizations I believe in. I think there is a greater purpose than working for money or material possessions. I believe in my country and its ability to do good in the world, and that is why I wish to serve as a commissioned officer within the Army. I want to take part in and lead the Army's mission of protecting the people of this great nation.


The opportunity to attend a service academy would be an honor. There are numerous other reasons why I wish to attend West Point, but that is all I can give in 300 words.


Is this any better?