not a heli-mom

[raidermom2012]

Hi, After some hold ups with the app process, I've found these forums which seem to offer a great deal of help.

DS is a senior, hoping for his USNA appointment. (USMA 2nd choice but BGO won't give us the time of day). DS keeps a very busy schedule with dual enrollement, sports and ECA. I've had to step in and help him with some of his final steps in the application process as he is pressed for time.

I have plenty of questions on things I don't understand on the whole process, and it seems like everyone we talk to has different answers. But I don't want to be a helicopter mom.

 

[bruno]

welcome aboard raidermom- and you have absolutely come to the right place. The whole point of the forum is to provide information and answers to folks with questions- so ask away!

 

[debcst]

Raidermom,

Please don't let the helicopter parent discussion dissuade you from asking questions on here. If you review past posts you will see LOTS of questions from parents (including yours truly)- some more informed than others.

I think where people have issues with parents is when parents are doing what their kids should be doing for themselves-applications, phone calls, cadet's laundry, etc.

This forum can get feisty on occasion but is mostly a very friendly place to read, ask and learn- welcome aboard and please don't censor yourself!

--debcst
(Mom of USMA applicant)

 

[raidermom2012]

I recently received a newsletter in the mail with a quiz "are you a helicopter parent" and my results were "borderline"... While I place alot of responsibility on my son, he comes from a split household where he spends 2 weeks here, 2 weeks at dads. While at dads, yes, I open some of his mail because sometimes the information is time sensitive. Usually this is with DS on the phone while I open. Then again, while at dads, usually anything school application wise goes into limbo, but that's a whole different story...

And lately I've had to take a more active role with the navy app - like contacting school administration after teachers were 6 weeks into the recommendation requests without filling them out and DS asking them weekly if they would do it - yes, i went "momma bear" on them and contacted administration, in order to light a fire under their butts to get things going.

These things taken out of context - make me look like a heli-mom.

On the flip side - DS burnt a bridge with the BGO for USMA because he didn't contact him "soon enough." That's his own problem to deal with. If he wants it bad enough, he will go after it.

 

[patentesq]

raidermom2012: Welcome to SAF! The post of debcst is probably the best advice I've ever read on this forum.

There is absolutely, positively nothing wrong with actively helping our kiddos make the transition from high school to college. Millions of parents do so every year. In fact, I would say that it is the job of a parent to help their child navigate through the complexity of college applications, financial aid forms, signing them up for SAT preparatory courses, driving them to the place where they have their college interview and making sure their tie is straight before entering the building, etc. I think that's just normal parenting. I further think that no child on the planet earth has the bandwidth to learn about all the nuances that present themselves here on SAF.

For me, it's a total turn-off whenever a parent boasts about how "advanced" their kids are than other kids, when I know darn well that they must have had some influence along the way on the child to set their child off on the correct path (often, what people say and actually do can be two different things).

As for your DS's USMA issue, you are wise to let your son handle that one. I wouldn't call it a "burnt bridge" just yet. Just know there are some very good people serving in the Field Force, with sound judgment and a genuine desire to actively assist applicants to help themselves realize their dream.

Sounds to me like you've got the right approach and understand the balance! Ask lots and lots of questions and pass the answers on to your DS and others who can benefit from what you learn. That is the true benefit of SAF.