Notes from a Neophyte Non military family

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SCubb

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DS expressed interest in USNA and DW and I had no idea why or what to expect. We were not a military family and I never expected my son to go on this direction. Fast forward DS was accepted, but not without a lot of missteps, confusion and angst. I was most concerned about A.) Is USNA the right place for my DS and B.) Does DS really know what he is signing up for.
This forum was VERY helpful, but most of the seasoned hands here are, obviously, from a military background. As purely civilian parents, we felt a little lost. Here are my notes in hopes it is helpful for others.

1. Visit Annapolis, USNA and other service academies as early in the process as possible. They really do a good job of explaining the admittance process and academy life. They are very motivated to help your child understand the commitment and expectations, and are pros at answering even the questions not asked. Ask all the questions you are afraid to ask.
2. There is so much good video content on YouTube to give you insights into academy life. Go through it all. I initially had visions of a very disciplined, military approach. It’s not what I originally thought, but it’s not a normal college experience either.
3. DS went to SLE at West Point. Doing so, combined with CVW really made me more comfortable that he understood what he was signing up for. When he returned MORE motivated to get his applications done I knew it was a good fit for him. Push your DS or DD to go.
4. The application process is BRUTAL, and really designed to weed out the faint of heart. It was important to DS so he got organized and followed the process. It’s all pretty clearly laid out, but if your child is not organized it’s easy to get lost and not have an efficient timeline. Let your DS or DD do the heavy lifting to demonstrate his/her commitment.
5. The BGO interview was a TREMENDOUS opportunity for my DS. It wasn’t the classic “interview” but an informal 90 minute discussion about the pros AND cons. Encourage DS or DD to take the time to REALLY prepare with questions, concerns, etc. and to get comfortable with a free flowing discussion. It’s worth the time to prepare.
6. Athletics and physical development is a HUGE part of the expectations. My DS loved this aspect of USNA - developing physical AND mentally. But it’s not for everyone. If your DS or DD don’t love competing and working out - this might not be the right place. Do they love sports? Do they train for the CFA without complaint?
7. The essay part of the application process was helpful. In reading DS’s responses I was able to see better how his mind works and it really made me comfortable with his thought processes. This only works if you let DS or DD write their own essays and answer questions in their own words. Throughout the entire process i asked DS “why the naval academy” literally dozens of times. I asked him to answer it as if he were in an interview. What started out as largely incoherent grunts became thoughtful, intelligent responses. I knew he was thinking about it all along, but it helped with MY transition.
8. The growth Ive seen in my DS from the start of this process is amazing. In doing the work, essays, interviews, etc his personal growth and maturation has been off the charts. It’s an actual physical and mental manifestation of going through the process. DW and I frequently discuss that if he grows this much from the application process - imagine what 4 years is going to bring about. For 2 non military parents, with reservations at the start of this process - this has been most reassuring.
9. Go to an Army/Navy football game. The tradition, the pageantry, the spectacle are amazing and did more to explain to me the honor of service then anything else we’ve done. Pricey, but in hindsight it really was an important part of the process.

So, now DW and I are fully in. It took us about 2 years to get to this point, where we are now actively wearing our new USNA gear!
If your DS or DD comes home someday asking about going to an academy - relax. Take a deep breath. And strap in for a heck of a ride.
 
SCubb said:
...if he grows this much from the application process - imagine what 4 years is going to bring about...
Click to expand...

I-Day to Plebe Parents Weekend takes only 6-1/2 weeks. The transformation in that short time is staggering.
Wait until after that first year and their first Summer training. They return as completely self-sufficient World-travelers.
It's a great ride.
 
Good comments overall. I work with quite a few "kids" whose parents are either on the fence or openly antagonistic about the application. Most come around. It's definitely OK to challenge your child WRT a decision to enter the military (in any form) just as it is WRT other colleges, a job, etc. But keep in mind your child is 18 (or nearly there). An adult. A young adult, but still an adult. Let him or her decide what's best even if it's not the path you might have chosen for him/her -- it will work out much better in the long run.

I echo comments about the BGO interview. Most candidates see it as : (1) a necessary evil to be endured, or (2) an evaluation that will make or break their application. It's neither. It'ss an opportunity to talk about/expand on things that may not be evident from your paper application and to learn more about USNA and the admissions process. Most BGOs are very excited to share their knowledge and enthusiasm about USNA. Take advantage of that.

As the OP said, prepare. There are very few stupid questions -- if you want to know something, ask. Also, if there is something about your application that troubles you or that you think doesn't come across in the "paper" documents, this is the time.
 
In the “very few stupid questions” collection, I would place the ones that demonstrate the candidate has not thoroughly read the SA.edu site. Many answers are there. I am not talking about something such as “I was reading about the service obligation. Would you clarify how X works?” - but the ones that make it painfully obvious the candidate did not take the opportunity to prepare well and get full value from the BGO session.
 
Dear OP, What you have shared is so true. The whole experience so far has been so rewarding to our family in so many ways not just our DD herself. For DD i think it's the process of becoming..

This is the application year for my DD, she will miss some of the experiences of NASS, SLE but all excited about the prospect of overnight visit to the SAs. I also plan to come back and share our experience sometime next year..
 
usna1985 said:
But keep in mind your child is 18 (or nearly there)
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I agree with your commentary, and certainly my DS just turned 17 when he COMPLETED his application. But he was 15 when he first stated that he was determined to go to USNA. At that time he was nowhere near fully understanding what his commitment was, what the experience would be like nor appreciate what he was giving up by foregoing a “normal” college experience. It was quite a growth process in those 2 years, and I felt like it was my duty to ensure he was fully aware.
 
Our DS is a hopeful 2025 candidate. We never dreamed of him wanting to go to USNA, as we aren't military (our parents were, but not us). He's an excellent student and really good athlete and an overall great kid (I know all parents say that, but others tell us). I'm hopeful for him as he is driving it, but every once in a while needs a little push that this is a constant process, not something that you can put down for a month or 2. Always something to write up, follow up on, reach out to, etc. Even if he has to do Plan B, it should be a great experience for him in his career to not be hesitant to reach out to people he doesn't know (esp MOC) and how to perform in interviews (a diminishing skill nowadays). With his enthusiasm, our whole family is excited for him and hope he can further his individual growth in the team setting of USNA.
The most surprising thing he said from CVW was that it wasn't strict all day long for the plebes, as he had thought it would be. He said he could deal with it if it wasn't, but they were just like normal college kids and stand in formation and march to class, meals, etc.
I appreciate the list SCubb put together. It matches what I have been reading on here and it is helpful in our part in guiding him thru the application process.
 
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Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked. 'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat. 'I don't know,' Alice answered. 'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.

— Lewis Carroll

If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere

— Henry Kissinger

A man must know his destiny… if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder… if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it.

— George S. Patton
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Dr. Strange Love said:
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Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked. 'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat. 'I don't know,' Alice answered. 'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.

— Lewis Carroll

If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere

— Henry Kissinger

A man must know his destiny… if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder… if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it.

— George S. Patton
.
Click to expand...
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

- Yogi Berra
 
I was a high school counselor at an early college where kids were part of a 5-year program to earn their high school diploma and associate degree, therefore graduating at 19 and I learned something about teenagers that I feel very appropriately fits this discussion.

As data proves, boys typically mature at a slower rate than girls. So many times, girls, who tend to trend toward more organized, have their plans and dreams already together in a neat bow before high school graduation. But even still, there is still a world of growth between an 18-year-old and a 19-year-old. I watched kids in their 12th-grade year, still very much unsure of where they wanted to go, or even just couldn't get all the pieces together, but by the next year, in their last year with us, they seemed to really start to get it together. Many, many became almost completely different students and people in their paths to the future. Now some would say that it was because they just needed to know they were finishing school and moving on. I tend to believe that it was their development and maturing in that year of moving from 18 to 19.

All that said, I absolutely agree that parents should not pose as helicopters or lawnmowers to do the things that must be completed in order for a student to apply to a service academy or even college, but I also have strong beliefs that some kids have a weakness in planning and/or organizing. My own DH who is a master at his craft with a Masters Degree in Education would not have completed his undergrad or graduate level of education in the efficient and timely manner that he did if he had not used myself as his planner. It's not that he couldn't research and learn what classes he needed to take, it's that it was not a skill he was good at. He used his resources AKA his wife to help him plan out what classes he needed to take when. He outsourced a weakness, and that has not in any way hurt his ability to be successful in the education he has earned or the job he performs.

I strongly believe that there are some excellent candidates for Service Academies, ROTC, Colleges that need a parent or advisor to help them chart out their course. I think those candidates can be successful and actually improve those skills that they need support, but I think to say that a student at 17 or 18 is not going to be successful at an academy, etc because someone helped guide them through the process is inaccurate. If the student can complete all the other hurdles of the marathon to be successful, certainly they can be successful at the academy.

If their weakness is in planning/organization, it can certainly be worked on and should not keep a kid from a successful career. That's just my two cents from watching kids mature in those 18-19-year-old years.
 
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