Hello, I was hoping to get feedback regarding the content of my essay. I'm not sure if I went overboard with the heartfelt theme or if the dialogue is difficult to follow. I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you!
I hadn't earnestly thought about joining the Navy until last year. My father had been in the Marine Corps and had been urging me to think about it. He told me what the best parts had been for him- living on a ship, jumping out of planes, toying with explosives, but I wasn’t really buying into it. One day we were talking about my future and job prospects and he told me that the highest amount of respect and courtesy he had ever encountered at a job was when he was in the Marines. This made me think about the person I want to be, and is the reason I want to be an officer in the Navy.
I want to be proud of what I accomplish beyond a certain measure of success. I do not want to just graduate from college and get a job; I want to use my education to serve my country. I am inspirited every time I meet a service member because of the humility and integrity with which they carry themselves. These are characteristics I would like to embody. As an officer I would take advantage of the opportunity to sharpen my leadership skills. I will be committed to an organization that I believe in and will be in a position to inspire others who believe in the Navy too.
The Navy offers a practical education, the experience of foreign cultures, and sense of fraternity. It offers the chance to demonstrate leadership, but beyond these things, I want to be an officer in the Navy because I want to hold my head with dignity, knowing that I work for a respectable organization and that I am a force for good.
I hadn't earnestly thought about joining the Navy until last year. My father had been in the Marine Corps and had been urging me to think about it. He told me what the best parts had been for him- living on a ship, jumping out of planes, toying with explosives, but I wasn’t really buying into it. One day we were talking about my future and job prospects and he told me that the highest amount of respect and courtesy he had ever encountered at a job was when he was in the Marines. This made me think about the person I want to be, and is the reason I want to be an officer in the Navy.
I want to be proud of what I accomplish beyond a certain measure of success. I do not want to just graduate from college and get a job; I want to use my education to serve my country. I am inspirited every time I meet a service member because of the humility and integrity with which they carry themselves. These are characteristics I would like to embody. As an officer I would take advantage of the opportunity to sharpen my leadership skills. I will be committed to an organization that I believe in and will be in a position to inspire others who believe in the Navy too.
The Navy offers a practical education, the experience of foreign cultures, and sense of fraternity. It offers the chance to demonstrate leadership, but beyond these things, I want to be an officer in the Navy because I want to hold my head with dignity, knowing that I work for a respectable organization and that I am a force for good.
